Demoting maid of honor

Do you feel it's worth ruining your friendship over? If no, then leave it alone. If it's really eating you up inside, speak to her and say you are a little disappointed and if there's any reason she's not involved but in no means mention demoting her.

View Quoted Comment I really don't want to demote her she's always been my best friend for a long time now I just feel like ever since I've been engaged she's really distanced herself from me. Like I said even when I try to just hang out without wedding anything involved I can just feel like an awkward tension that was never there before like we're just growing apart

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I completely understand your frustration but unless you would like to alter your friendship forever, I would leave it alone OR at least talk to her about it but with no mention of demoting her. I have a similar situation with my MOH, I don't think she is particularly happy for me but I have weighed it up- we have been friends since we were 9, we are now 34, I am not losing my friendship over a wedding. It's not worth it to me. I will get over my disappointment. I have another bridesmaid that makes zero effort in our friendship and I partially regret asking her but I am not going to make a drama and say anything to her. It's a situation of pick your battles. If this battle is really worth it to you, then fight it but go in fully aware you are most likely not going to end up with an unfavorable result- you friendship will either be in a bad place or possibly over.

I totally understand what you are going through and it is heartbreaking. I am going through the same thing. It’s been 6 months of excuses, because she’s too busy partying, I’m always there for her when she needs me and when I want to share little things with her she has no time and a million excuses. Being asked MOH should be such a blessing and honour and show how much the bride values you as a friend. During the most important moment of her life. And then MOH decides to go off and become unreliable and unrecognizable, treating people differently. Its not cool! I have given everything to her, been there for her for so much and continue to. I have had a custom dress made for her, gave her a custom Pearl bracelet as a MOH proposal, getting her hair and makeup done as gift on the day of and she is more worried about being miss popular, she wants to give her MOH speech in a language I don’t even understand because she wants to show off how many languages she speaks, the bridal party keeps messaging me and asking me questions because she keeps partying and doing who knows what and giving excuses about the bachelorette for over 7 months now. I am heartbroken and I feel your pain because you want to go through those moments with that BEST FRIEND who is like a sister to you and deep down you feel like you lost her and it really sucks. In the end you don’t want to lose a friend and you also don’t want to feel like the MOH standing behind you should have been someone else. I would stay try talking to her another time as a last try and then you have to do what is stress free for you and will make you feel happy on the day of.

Just let her know “hey, sorry you’re not as involved in the wedding I still want you there but I feel like I need someone who wants to help me plan more”. I’m in the same bot girl!!

Hi! I see this is an old thread, but I was googling around with this exact same question you had! I was wondering if you did anything and how you/she handled it? Honestly I think all these "if you want it to ruin your friendship go ahead" comments are absurd. I am in the same situation where it has been months and I have continually reached out with no success. The only thing I have expected from my MOH, since the day I asked to be to mine, was to be relatively in touch with me. I didn't have a list for her to do or expect her to do. I have a fiancé, family, and other bridesmaids/friends that could also help me if they wanted. I know her life is busy, we have talked about that, and I have checked in with her, but it can take days to get a response regardless what the message is about. And sometimes I'll get a response, but not to what I said, but something she wants/needs. (or see social media stuff when she's too ~busy~) I really wish I could have offered support earlier! But I hope none of the other comments made you feel guilty. You most definitely didn't sound needy or overbearing. Let me know what you ended up doing!

I’ve been having the same issues with my MOH. She is younger than me, and she has a lot of anxiety issues and is passive aggressive. I told her I don’t want this job to be a pressure for her, and I won’t be mad if she doesn’t want to do it and she told me she will be fine. But now, she keeps having attitude with me and hasn’t put in any effort to help. I feel lost too.

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Wedding guests are expected to show up at your wedding in the correct attire with no "duties/jobs/responsibilities/obligations", not the wedding party. I guess it's relative, and ultimately up to the bride. Some brides don't mind doing everything and having the bridesmaids as decoration, but I think the bridesmaids and Maid(Matron) of Honor agree to their roles beforehand for a reason. You shouldn't drown them in questions or work, but it's really not too much to ask to reply to a text message.

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You mention she is hard to contact even though you guys have tried many times? That seems to be a little bit concerning. It's just common curtesy to reply. Even if she doesn't want to go to your events, people should know that the time leading up to a wedding is pretty stressful and the least everyone can do is just let you know if they are going to attend certain events.

I would focus on that, ask if she could respond in a timely manner. And ask if any circumstances prevent her from responding.

Also, your comment about her distancing herself from you ever since you got engaged is a bit concerning as well. I don't know anything about her or your friendship, but my best friend also did the same leading up to my wedding (and some other unpleasant things happened on the wedding day and afterwards too). It's not uncommon for best friends to feel like the friendship doesn't mean as much as it used to now that your attention is on your future spouse. There could be an element of that too, you might be able to tell since you know her best.