Demoting maid of honor

Why don't you just simply tell her 'Hey, I've noticed that you are not really involved. I don't want to put you into an uncomfortable position and hurt our relationship. Would you rather just be a bridesmaid or is it just not a good time for you right now?'. That will give her an escape without shaming her. Make sure you let her know that the relationship is more important than the 'duties' or expectations.

View Quoted Comment That's a really good idea, I'm just so worried about her being mad at me...it's just my other bridesmaids are even starting to notice her lack of involvement and I feel it's time to say something

My MOH hasn’t helped me plan a thing. FH has, as it’s our wedding.. My MOH isn’t my wedding planner, nor should she be. I text her for her opinion on things but I don’t need her at my beck and call to plan my wedding. It’s not her responsibility.

Removing your MOH will damage that friendship. If you’re ok with that, then by all means.

You don't. Your MOH doesn't have to help you plan your wedding, that is your FS's job. While it's unfortunate that your matron of honor isn't getting assistance from your maid of honor with the shower, again, she doesn't have to do this. A bridal shower is an optional party, be glad that you have someone that does want to host one for you. Any way that you phrase "you're not doing enough for me and I don't want you to be my MOH anymore," is going to harm your relationship.

View Quoted Comment This. Right here. This!

View Quoted Comment Never once did I say I need her to plan my wedding first of all. But as a moh I personally feel that she should be there for me in support of things and she does have certain duties as the Moh that she isn't fulfilling .

View Quoted Comment Nope, no duties. Other than showing up at your wedding in the correct attire and getting down the aisle, wedding party members have no duties/jobs/responsibilities/obligations. They may CHOOSE to do more, but that's up to them to decide. Your wedding party is there for you to honor the relationships, not the other way around.

View Quoted Comment You literally said: “She is not making a single effort to help me, never has time when I ask her to hang out to plan with me”.....

There are no mandatory duties. The duties you find are made from the wedding industry for more money to be spent...in the wedding industry. A MOH isn’t required to help plan a wedding, plan a shower or bachelorette party. She’s not financially responsible for hosting the parties if she chooses not to.

How isnt she being supportive? I don’t talk to my MOH daily but I know when/if I need her all I need to do is text her. It may take a day or so to get a reply, but she’s a busy mom of 3. Her family comes before my wedding. I don’t think she’s asked what my invitations, centerpieces or anything looks like. I know she’s supportive, she’s just wants to be surprised.

Honestly weddings are boring to most people. She's not meant to plan anything, that's on you and your FS. If she offers to help that's awesome but totally unnecessary. Try just hanging out like normal without any wedding talk to remind you why this person is important to you. She should be standing next to you because of your relationship, not how much help she is with party planning. And if your other friend is wanting to help out, she can still do that regardless of her title. People will offer if they want to.

View Quoted Comment See that's what bothers me... I've tried just inviting her to hang out or get lunch no wedding ties involved and she never has time anymore. She met a new friend at school and since hasn't ma

You have no idea what issues, problems, drama etc that is going on in her life right now. Based upon your comments I feel that you are angry that she isn’t at your beck and call and fawning all over your plans and you are jealous that she has found a new friend. If she’s isn’t communicating with you you have no idea if the reason is due to the new friend, school, work, family issues etc. you are assuming. If you honestly feel she isn’t doing something then you need to communicate with her. Please remember that the only duty she has as you MOH is to purchase the dress and then show up on your wedding day in time to walk down the aisle.

View Quoted Comment This entire discussion just taught me so much!!! My advice to you is stay focused on your plans and lock in with your planner/coordinator! She’s going to be there at the right tine, when you really need her, standing at the alter cheering you on and fully supporting your union. Future Mrs L just taught me that everything outside of the wedding is for the wedding industry to make money... Causing brides to apply pressure to their long time friends and family...then losing focus on what is really going on! Which is you becoming one with your true love! Focus Bride to be ....Focus...(as i will be doing the same) ty Future mrs L...

Have two moh then

Then it want mess ur friendship up

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately I'm having to do everything we can't afford a wedding planner....but the stress I've had lately I'm thinking about moving my budget around for one. Thank you for your kind advice

View Quoted Comment All of this!! She owes you nothing but to stand there on the day of and smile while dressed on what ever dress that was chosen.

some people feel like this isn’t enough and that’s fine. But did you set expectations with her when you asked her to be your MOH? She’s not a mind reader. If you had set some expectations she probably would have declined, but atleast you would have known. I think a lot of brides/grooms have expectations from what they see on social media/ society but don’t tell their party exactly what they want so the can decline or accept appropriately.

This is not a support group. This is an etiquette and advice forum. No one is being rude. If you feel like your friend isn’t being a friend, have you tried asking if everything is ok with her? Maybe she is going through something and just doesn’t want to bother you with it.

Also, you can’t call people rude or bitter. It’s a community guidelines violation..

View Quoted Comment

You asked for advice, we gave it to you. None of us were rude. We’re telling you this will destroy your friendship. Expectations are too high. You don’t like what’s being commented, so you call us rude, and bitter.... None of us insulted you, it’s against the community guidelines to do so. Though you feel it’s perfectly acceptable to insult us, because you don’t like what’s being said....

I’m not bitter or frustrated. I don’t expect my bridal party to be at my beck and call. My MOH is extremely supportive as is my sister, but I don’t need them to help plan my wedding. I, of course have asked their opinion a few times, but that’s about it. If you’re expecting your bridal party to help plan your wedding, that’s a high expectation. Wedding planning is stressful. I was getting extremely overwhelmed. What helped me was to make weekly to do lists. Focus on specific tasks for that week. Complete them, then move to the next one. FH has also been involved and helping plan, since it’s his wedding as well.

It's a little early for any involvement from the wedding party. Around 6 months out is when they'll get their dresses and maybe discuss pre-wedding activities. So don't worry about that yet. I think what the real problem is, is what you mentioned in an earlier comment, that she's made some new friends and no longer spends time with you. MOHs aren't built in wedding planners, but they are best friends, and I think you feel like you're losing your best friend. I think you should make a few more attempts to save your friendship, ask her to hang out a few more times, if she ditches you for other friends each time, have a heart-to-heart and tell her you feel like you're losing her. After telling her how you feel see if there are any changes, if not then it might be time you go your separate ways. Just make sure you at least try to save the friendship before ending it by "demoting" her

View Quoted Comment Thank you Brittany, I will try to talk to her one more time..