Definition of a jack and Jill shower

I can see where you’re coming from and this is definitely a regional thing. I don’t agree with it, but I guess it’s a know your crowd thing. I do think that inviting them to a party that they have to pay for and not the wedding where you return the favor and host them is taking it too far.

Commenting so I can keep track of this one. 🍿

By me, Jack and Jill showers are bridal showers where both men and women are invited rather than just women. Also, the couple is not typically the host. It is hosted by someone else (wedding party, relatives, close friends who offer). You can do a recipe party (everyone brings their favorite recipe) or something if you don't want gifts. I don't know how I would feel about being charged an admissions fee for a party. It's one thing to choose to gift something and another to be told what you are supposed to do. To me, the element of free will is important. However, others may feel differently. And yes, I know there is the option to not attend. Also, standard etiquette dictates that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to wedding-related events. However, not everyone cares about traditional etiquette.

View Quoted Comment But we are returning the favor... by providing food beer and a gifts you can win..... and knowing we aren’t asking for gifts from a registery that are more than you’d pay for to go have a good time with us.

View Quoted Comment Guess it’s like the girl said before it’s knowing your crowd. And to be honest if I were to go to a jack and Jill knowing they’d prefer this than gifts I am more than happy to give even more money. And Your going to tell me you’d rather have a blender for $200 than to receive 20 from them and you got to enjoy a good time with them rather than Sitting in front of a room opening gifts you’d use once?

View Quoted Comment They’re buying their own food and beer and raffle tickets...

View Quoted Comment And at the wedding we’re buying everyone’s food and dancing and photos and party favors. And they willingly give money in cards then too so what’s the difference? The fact that they are being asked to pay $25 for a ticket that they know will be a fun time? Or that they are technically paying there own food at the actual wedding when they give $50-100 in your wedding card? Please?

View Quoted Comment A. I don't prefer anything. The only reason I'm having a shower is because my bridal party insisted on throwing me one. I wasn't even supposed to know the date until my mom accidentally let it slip. Nor do I have a $200 blender. I mostly have small items under $30 on my registry if you insist on making assumptions.

B. To each their own. You asked for people's opinions. You got them. I am entitled to my opinion. You are entitled to yours.

C. It's a know your crowd thing. Where I'm from (NY-metro area), the only place you charge admission for a party is at a frat house in college or a charity gala. Otherwise, if you are invited to an event or even to someone's house for dinner, you bring a gift (even a bottle of wine or some flowers) regardless of if it's expected or not. I'm with you on the opening presents nonsense. I feel like that is just an uncomfortable custom and a purely American thing (I had to explain to my mom what a shower was when we got invited a baby showers years back because she had never heard of such a thing). Different cultures, whether nation-based or region-based will view different things as ok and others as not OK. If you think your crowd will be cool with it, by all means. No one is stopping you. However, you posed a question on a public forum. Not everyone will agree with you, and that's the beauty of the internet and free speech. We are all entitled to our opinions.

It seems like you are already set in having your party this way and don’t want to hear differing opinions? 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment No I want a definition not people telling me that this is wrong. Hahaha so I guess I was hoping for other people who have done jack and Jill’s to join in and say what they’ve done in the last not for people who aren’t doing one to judge

The only Jack and Jill’s I have ever been to have been couples showers, thrown for the bride and groom by family or friends. Never have been charged admission. Never have been to one that included guests not invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Ahhhhh. Yah my maid of honors are throwing it. And I’m sure your shower you went to had a registry with things to buy? So what the difference between us wanting money as a gift? Also we have a huge family (180 on our list) so we thought this would be fun for everyone and invite people we can’t invite that we want however sounds like the rest of everyone thinks differently. I personally don’t see what’s wrong with it.

I’m not from your region and have never heard of this. If it’s customary where you live maybe it would be better to ask friends who are recently married?

I thought Jack & Jill’s were shower’s that both women and men were invited to, like Hannah said. I’ve actually never heard of what you are planning. But we are from different parts of the country, so I’m sure that has something to do with it.
My bridal shower is being hosted by my family, my FMIL, & my FSIL. We are not throwing our own. We also haven’t registered for insanely priced items. I would not go a self hosted shower/party that I had to buy a ticket to attend, especially to a wedding I was not invited to. At least with traditional wedding showers, you are gifting the bride with something she will likely use.

View Quoted Comment I disagree but you clearly don’t want to hear it, so I won’t bother. Also, asking for “not negative” advice and calling people who choose bridal showers rude in the first sentence of your post is really, really rude.

Where I'm from Jack and Jill's are like what your describing. Basically a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, usually where tickets are sold for between 15 and 25 bucks and includes food, drinks, and some raffle prizes. I dont mind them, considering I'd probably spend that to go to a typical bachelor/bachelorette party anyway, probably more to be honest. It really is a know your crowd thing though.

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My thoughts are the same as Aleks'. In addition, telling people what they can or can't say, calling bridal showers "rude," and telling a previous pp that everything they respond with is negative are all kind of against the community guidelines. If, like Kelly asked, this is common in your social group, it would probably make more sense to ask members of that group for feedback/suggestions on how it worked for them. If you ask on a public forum, you should be willing to hear a variety of opinions. From a practical perspective, even if all 180 of your potential guests attend, you'll "net" $1800 ($10 "profit" x 180). It sounds like potentially a lot of work/effort for your bridal party; only you know if the "payoff" and potential to offend some invitees (especially those not actually invited to the wedding they are subsidizing) is worth $1800 to you. In a previous post it sounded like some of your family/in-laws were questioning doing this, so it shouldn't be surprising that there are varying opinions. Good luck!

I've heard "Jack and Jill" being used both ways - both to describe a coed shower and to describe a wedding fundraiser. I'm personally fine with the former and very much not a fan of the latter, but I know they're common in some areas, particularly in parts of Canada (e.g. Ontario). The fundraiser kind is nothing like a shower and shouldn't be compared.

So, I had never heard of what you’re describing until my MOH wanted to know what I wanted for a shower and bachelorette. I hate showers and always said if I have to sit through one, my future husband is going to suffer through it with me. So I googled “jack and Jill shower” and what you’ve described was the most common result. It’s definitely a regional thing, which is probably why so many people on here think it’s tacky or rude.

It isn't tacky or rude in your part of the country. From what I found, it’s very popular in New England to help the couple fund their wedding or a home or whatever. Here in NJ, it wouldn’t go over well, so what we are having is kind of like an engagement party and shower in one. Whatever the case, people who love you usually WANT to celebrate with you and they’ll attend whatever version of the event that you have. The ones that have a problem with it can just RSVP “no.”

Lol at thinking a bridal shower is tacky but asking people who aren't even invited to the wedding to contribute to said wedding isn't tacky.

Interesting perspective. Best of luck.