Deceased ex-girlfriend's parents?

Oh boy. You can't measure up to a deceased girlfriend in their eyes. This is a tough one. If he wants them there he will invite them. My guess is they won't attend.

My deceased husband mother and sister are coming to my wedding. But that was my husband who I have children with not a high school girlfriend. Also they have met my FH and didn't go out they way to be disrespectful to him. I don't see a reason why they should be at your wedding.

I would keep his word and invite them, but I would definitely tell FI the conversation you had with her mother.

If she hadn't said what she said to you I would say go ahead and invite her but she crossed the line with her comment. I would tell FH about that, she was very rude.

Yeah I say spill the beans to FH and tell him you're not comfortable with them attending. Weddings shouldn't be spent trying to prove why you deserve to be him and why you're good enough, etc. The people who should be there should be 100% behind you guys. Stay strong!

You should tell him what happened. He may feel its odd that you have not told him what she said, it was so long ago. Also remember this was at the funeral that she said this (its disrespectfully YES) she was probably an emotional reck, I am welling to bet she doesn’t feel that way anymore. And if anything see how he feels because stories like this tend to have more back ground to them (for example maybe he and her talked or planned on getting married, or maybe he asked her parents permission and never followed through to propose). Its speculation but I have heard stories like this w/ ex’s parents (not dead ex’s) when the parents and current SO were really close you almost feel like you let them down.

Just let him know about the conversation and that you are not comfortable with them being there. Also, what is his rationale for wanting to invite them? Does he feel obligated to invite them because he may have at one point considered marrying their daughter?

Invite them-- these are 'his people'. Even if the mom doesn't like you (and it may not be personal-- she may believe (erroneously) that her child would still be alive if FH hadn't dumped her). While it's totally unrelated to him marrying and loving you, people grieving the loss of a child do wacky things.

I get the whole grieving thing but why would they even want to come to your wedding? I can just see her looking and saying rude things because it isn't her daughter and thinking this should've been her daughter. Clearly they aren't genuinely happy for your two as a couple with the comments. Tell your FH but I think he's going to feel sorry for them and clearly he still feels guilty about the situation and will still want them there.

Agreed with what all the other ladies said- talk to FH about their comments but assume they're still going unless that changes your FH's mind.

My high school/college boyfriend also died in an accident. I'm now 36 and the accident happened when I was 20. His parents loved me like a daughter. Eventually, contact was made less and less. Four years after the accident I moved half-way across the country. My DH and I had very small wedding in Oregon (they live in MN) and they were not invited. They somehow caught wind of the wedding and sent a really touching letter. They were so supportive and so glad I had found love and happiness. It was clear they love me just as much as they did all those years ago. It's a complicated situation, but they should not be invited if you are uncomfortable.

She would not be at my wedding, nor would I have allowed her to talk to me that way without calling her out right then and there to everyone, but that's just me.

I agree with HoneyBee, why would they want to attend? Even the thought of "It should have been their daughter.", isn't really fair because at the time of her death she wasn't even with your FH, she was with another guy. There was no evidence of them reconciling. And it doesn't make sense that your FH feels responsible for her death, just because if they were together she would have still been alive, that doesn't make sense, he is not obligated to stay with anyone because there is a chance that if they were not together she'd get in an accident. There was no way he could have predicted that, or does it mean that she would not have passed away if they were still together. They broke up (again and again) apparently, for a reason - probably because they weren't meant for each other.

Thanks so much for the help and advice, ladies. To clarify: she said those nasty things to me right before Christmas of this past year, when FH took me to their house to introduce me to them (something else he promised them: he'd introduce them to any woman he found that he loved as much as or more than their daughter). He is aware of the things she said, but has made allowances for this woman's grief (and has told me that he wasn't sure she meant it the way it came out). My concern is the bad (for lack of a better word) "juju" she will bring to my wedding, and her bad attitude of how it should be her daughter, not me, walking down the aisle to him.

To be fair to FH, he has told me many times that he loves me much more than he ever loved her, and never compares me to her. FMIL constantly tells me how much better I am for him and how she sees that our relationship is much healthier than theirs ever was. It's just that I really REALLY don't see how having them as our guests will bring joy to our wedding.

IMO it's too late, if he already invited them. I think you should invite them personally, if possible. as for his mother's behavior, not much you can do about that. people do what they do.

if it was your MIL that was insisting you invite them vs your groom, then I'd just let MIL think what she wants. but like you said, your groom is carrying around a lot of guilt, and he wants to invite them. if you don't, I think he's going to be angry with you, and that can last a long time! I think inviting them would be best IMO, all the way around.