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Sarah
Just Said Yes June 2019

Death days before wedding

Sarah, on June 9, 2019 at 3:24 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
Hi all, my fiance’s father has been ill since before we met in high school 9 years ago and the past 18 months have been significantly more difficult for him. He was admitted into the ICU this weekend with septic shock (among a long list of other things) and was just given a 20-30% chance of pulling through. They also said that even if he does pull through that he will likely been in the hospital for a long time before moving to a care facility, likely for the remainder of his life.

Our wedding is in 13 days. I don’t know what to do. No one has really discussed what would happen if he does pass before then (I think he may pass today) but I feel very uncomfortable with having the wedding immediately after this. I’m not sure what my fiancé will want to do and I already know his mom will be upset if we try to postpone. My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding and I think they would be very understanding, but would encourage us to still have it on the 22nd. I know this is something that my fiancé should probably have more of a say in if he is comfortable with it since it is his father, but I am very sad too. He is not my father, but he has been a father figure to me since I was 16.

what would you do?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on June 10, 2019 at 10:08 PM
  • Laura
    VIP November 2019
    Laura ·
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    I would still have the wedding as planned. Surely your FFIL would not want you & his son’s day disrupted due to his illness. And everyone could probably use a little happiness in a time like this. I say go ahead.
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  • Sarah
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I want to add that we have obviously not given up hope, just being realistic. We have already discussed doing a small ceremony with just our parents at the hospital if that is where he is on our wedding day. I just can’t wrap my head around what to do if he passes before that day, which is very likely. I probably wouldn’t be thinking too much about it, but so much extended family is here now and they are excitedly asking questions about the wedding. It feels inappropriate and it is hard to imagine that we will be able to actually celebrate with this being so fresh.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I think he'd want you to have the wedding still. I'm sure he'd want you to be happy and he'd probably feel bad if it was cancelled or postponed. I'm sure you can still somehow make him a part of the day, maybe going to see him all dressed up? I can't imagine the stress you must be under.

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  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
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    Would have the wedding as planned. My mom passed away and honestly you need some happiness in that time. Yes it will be bittersweet but you have to hold on to what happiness you can. As far as honoring him at the wedding you need to talk to your fiancé his mom and any siblings. I know my family prefers small gestures then the bigger ones. I am doing bouquet lockets for mi e and BM bouquets my sisters and nieces. Also giving her a special picture frame and memorial table. Plus she will be mentioned at start of ceremony.
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  • SummerBrideInAutumn
    VIP October 2019
    SummerBrideInAutumn ·
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    I agree with PPs. As sad and heartbreaking as this situation is, I’m sure he would want you to keep your plans. Life still has to carry on even in the midst of loss.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Have the wedding. Like many parents I am sure he'd want you to have your day.
    Maybe ask your fiance if he wants to get dressed and visit the hospital so his dad doesn't miss all the fun.
    You could do a small legal ceremony with his father and just have a "spiritual" one in 13 days, you'd just have to call the officiant beforehand and ask about that.
    I wish you the best of luck.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I second PPs. Go ahead and proceed with the wedding if you're both comfortable. I'm so sorry for your loss Smiley heart

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  • N
    Savvy July 2019
    NikkiMJ ·
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    I would postpone, because I would put myself in DHs shoes and if it were my father (god forbid) I would postpone
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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    I would still have the wedding. As others have said, he would most likely want you to celebrate and continue with your plans. Everyone will most likely need something happy to break up the sad days.
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  • Sarah
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Thank you, everyone. He passed away this afternoon. We are planning a way to honor him during the ceremony. Their family pastor is marrying us and he was there today, so we already started brainstorming. The whole family is really looking forward to celebrating.
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  • Jennifer
    Super October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. However you choose to honor him will be beautiful and a part of your ceremony that everyone will remember forever.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
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    I'm so sorry you and FH are facing this at the moment. It sounds like you and your fiance need to sit down alone and make a decision for what feels right to you as a couple.

    Sending love from MD.

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