Dad wants to go with us to pick out wedding dress

My father hasn't been interested in my life since I became and adult. I would be thrilled if he cared about my wedding dress. Be happy your daughter and her father have a good relationship and deal with being near him for a few hours. You're going to have to deal with it at the wedding too.

Thank you for all your advice. Of course I want my daughter to be happy! I live 5 hours away, the original plan was for just her and I to go. Up until a year ago her father wanted nothing to do with her, it was me who had to calm her down thru the tears. She would drive 5 hours for my husband to fix her car, her Dad didn’t help her out. We have had 1 st Communion, confirmation, and graduation parties together The last time I saw him was at my Son’s wedding. It’s not that we can’t be civil when we have to be. I’m happy her father is being nice to her now, to me it’s a little to late.

I definitely understand where you are coming from then. Sorry if I was a little harsh! Sore subject for me, clearly.

View Quoted Comment It’s Okay, I understand your Dad just came in Your life❤️

You don't get to decide how she should handle him wanting to be in her life now regardless of how involved he has been in the past. It sounds like you've agreed to be civil but PLEASE be aware of how you are acting and keep your feelings to yourself for your daughter's sake.

My parents are divorced for over 20 years as well. My dad cheated on my mom and she is full of hate toward him to this day and his current wife who is not the woman he cheated with originally. I have had many conversations with my mom since I was in middle school about how I want to form my own opinions and sometimes I may like him and sometimes I may not, but I do not need to hear her unfiltered feelings. I usually let it go when she is negative but I was very clear that for my wedding she would need to find a way to be in the same state and not put that on me. Overall, she did pretty well and I know she worked hard but there were several "jokes" or comments made throughout the process that added significantly to my stress level. I was aware of how she felt and would not intentionally do something to make her uncomfortable but that did not mean my father would not be welcome or invited to an event or sitting at a table at the reception. I made her aware I would be inviting my step mom to events like nails etc. and offered to help make it easier for her in any way I could.

Your daughter likely knows how you feel about him and is not likely to try to make you uncomfortable. At the same time, please be respectful that this is a stressful time for anyone and be very aware of how you are reacting. Maybe have a drink before hand and have a friend on-call who can support you as you need it during and after the appointment. Set up a nice mother-daughter time to talk about the wedding to make up for what you feel you'll be missing. Just try to find ways to cope with it and remember this is a time for HER and it will mean the world if you can make this time about her.

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Yep - this is the best advice. As a person who is divorced (we have two sons ages 18 and 20) this will happen a lot. Please no passive aggressive stuff, just be civil and heck just be nice, it is ONE afternoon of your life. My ex and I hosted our son's open houses from HS together, we sat together at end of year banquets and such - it can be done.