Cutting down the guest list

Natalie, unfortunately you will not avoid hurt feelings. Your best bet:

1. Keep the guest list within the capacity of the venue

2. Invite only those who are most important to the both of you

3. Stay well within your budget

We went by who we actually know and talk to. If we don't actually know them, personally, or haven't talked to them in years, they weren't invited, not because we still don't love them, but because our venue only holds 120 people

Immediate family and close friends is what we used.

Keep the plus ones to a min!

That's a tough one. I don't think there is any easy way.. I'm struggling with that too. My dad wants me to invite his 3 cousins (who live in the area- but I haven't seen in years).. Except they are all married and have 3-5 kids each... Uhmmm no. Not happening. I don't know them really and we are maxed at 150 guests.

We kept it to parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and first cousins. No extended family that we don't actually know or talk to. Close friends, no coworkers or people we haven't talked to in years. Each of our parents asked to invite a limited amount of people, which we were able to accommodate. If your parents are trying to invite too many people, give them a number of guests they can add, like 5 couples, outside the family and friends you're already inviting. Good luck!

I don't think there's a way to do it without offending anyone, because in my experience, people seem to love getting offended any chance they get. Lol. We are sticking to immediate families (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews), and only the cousins that we see and interact with most regularly. We have way too many cousins to invite them all. We are not even inviting all of FH's aunts and uncles because there are just too many - his mom has 6 siblings and his dad has 14 siblings, and they all have kids and grandkids! Ugh. We are only inviting the ones we truly have a relationship with. We also decided on no kids (except for our own and FH's sister's kids) and no plus ones to people who are not in a relationship. I'm sure some people will be upset. I don't care. At the end of the day we have to do what is financially responsible and not try to please everyone.

Is there an easy way to express that you don't want plus ones without sounding very rude? Both my family and my FH's family will be traveling a few hours to many hours, so that should eliminate a lot of people that truly are not close to us.

I used the rule: would I treat this person to dinner on any other occasion? if yes, invite. It's always easier to invite in "circles"--immediate family, aunts/uncles, first cousins... then to draw the line.

As for plus ones, it depends on what you're referring to. A true "plus one" is for a single guest (someone who is not in a relationship at all). In this case, you just address the invitation to the guest's name. It can also help to have a line on the RSVP that say "We have reserved ____ seats in your honor." Then if they RSVP for more than just themselves, you have an awkward phone call or email to make.

But if you mean you are looking for a way to avoid inviting significant others, sorry, there's no good way to do this. Anyone who considers themselves in a relationship should be invited with their significant other.

I agree with Lori. Anyone in a relationship will receive an invitation with both people's names on it. We are not doing any "and guest" for single people. We will also include an RSVP card that says "____ seat(s) reserved in your honor." I'm praying that this will be enough to get the "no plus-ones" and "no kids" thing across to people. Wish us luck lol.

Our guest list went from 30 to 130 after I told my Mother we were engaged. She just kept on saying it would be in poor taste if I didn't invite this or that one. I now look back and I'm excited and couldn't imagine celebrating our day without a lot of the guest that are on the list

Thanks for the tips. I want significant others to be invited, but I don't want the plus ones! I got some good ideas.

Also is any one using a website for their RSVPS?

Invite in circles. Start with inner circles ( close family and friends) before working your way outwards.

I personally am inviting S.O and giving everyone a plus 1. The guest list was definitely one of the hardest task so far. Good Luck with yours.

I agree, guest lists are hard! FH and I both come from big families that are very close (we have family gatherings "just because"), so we couldn't cut down guest list to only immediate family. Plus both parents are contributing, so they got their share of invites. Have a wedding you can afford by inviting those you truly cannot imagine getting married in front of. Don't feel obligated to invite someone just because you were invited to their wedding either!

^^ LOL wtf, is this another spam bot that can't speak English? Wtf is a return receipt of people?

Even if you invite 500 people, there's going to be somebody upset they weren't invited. Figure out a general cost per guest and show your FH. That'll likely bring him back down to earth how much it'll cost to invite the 3rd cousin he's only met twice in his life. Invite who you want, and those that are really close to you. Those that are not close and uninvited are likely looking for the party and not to celebrate your marriage anyway.

Stay True to who you Really want to invite and people that mean the most to you. FH & I regret some invites and wish we would have not listened to parents. Most of my Dad's family who he begged me to invite declined. Most of the people I invited were close family, close cousins, my secondary families (Godparent, Godsisters, Mom's best-Friends and those I call family) and friends I talk to regularly. I invited a few co-workers who I have become close to. Don't let anyone guilt trip you at all. I had a few FB messages from people who don't even have my cell number. If you don't even have my number then NO Way was I inviting you. People will come out of the wood works just to get an invite *I find that weird*.

If it were me and i could aford to invite more than just immediate family and best friends, i would start with a list of immediate family on both sides down to your aunts and uncles. Then add your BEST friends. Then figure out how many more you can afford and split that number between the in laws and your parents and let THEM figure out who to include. Thats how I would do it.

We started with parents, siblings, nieces/nephews (the only kids), and grandparents ...ours have all passed on.... then moved on to aunts/uncles. The challenge started with cousins. FH only has 3 but for me there were two rounds in my family. I am part of the first round...all about the same age, grew up together. Then there was the second round. 10+ years younger than me, I barely know them. I only wanted to invite the first round. My mother is paying and said to invite them all. Fine. After that we said we were only going to invite those extended family and friends who are a close part of our lives now and maybe several ppl throughout our lives that really meant something to us and influenced our lives. My remarried uncle's first wife was a huge positive part of my growing up and we facebook. I've invited her and her currant husband. She may decline, but I hope she doesn't. I'd rather have her than my uncle. He's an idiot.

I know ppl have said, well I only invited ppl who are apart of my life now and it's still 300. You may have 300 ppl running around in your life right now, but you don't interact with all of them daily, weekly. I have fun with all my co-workers but only two I am very close and get personal with. They and their spouse are invited. I have a party crowd, but only the closest to me of that crowd are invited. Parents family/friends.....make sure they keep it short....No, you can't invite the neighbors you played poker with for 15 years until they moved away but you still exchange Xmas cards with! No, you can't invite your cousin you were very close growing up with but haven't seen/spoken to sense so-and-so graduated 4 years ago. Yes, you can invite dads cousin Bob and his wife, because you talk on the phone all the time and you both make a point to travel back and forth to Canada to see each other every several months!

We are inviting the while family but we are limiting friends to the people most important to us. We made a general guideline that if we both haven't met the person than they aren't invited( we've been together for 3 years) The only exception has been a friend of mine from high school who told me she wanted to come enough that she would pay for her own plate ( she won't be)

I hate to say it, but there is no way to avoid people getting upset unless you invite everyone. When you do decide on a guest list though, the best thing you can do for yourselves (and your sanity) is to stick to that list. It’s easy to get in the mindset of “it’s just one more person”, which turns into “well if I invite this person, I have to invite this other person too”. Honestly, people can have a way of making it about themselves instead of just being happy for you, so be prepared for some people to be unhappy about your guest list, but still stand your ground.