Coworker RSVP :/

I feel ya! Im being very specific about who is invited to the wedding and i think its rude for the person you invited to replace their assigned +1. I would casually ask why her SO wasnt rsvp'd as you invited them and why they were replaced without asking.

Though it was rude for your coworker to substitute another person in for their SO, I don't think I would really address it. I'd be upset about it, but I can't think of a way to address it that wouldn't make things uncomfortable at work between you and the other coworker that they brought. Hopefully someone here can give good advice for wording addressing the original coworker who was invited.

I am the type of person who would confront this. It is completely rude that she would do this especially since she obviously knew that you didn't invite the other co-worker on purpose. However, since you already budgeted for two people it really isn't an added cost. If you work in a small office and this would create tension then I would let it go. If you don't then I would say something.

I had a coworker that I didn't give a plus one to bring a co worker that I didn't even like to my wedding. I was so mad. The only reason I didn't kick her out was because I realized how important I must be in her life for her to want to so badly be part of my life. I felt sorry for the tramp. But I don't think your over reacting if it's getting to you say something. This is your day it's your way.

Honestly I would still ask about SO-- casually. But, if your work is anything like mine, if I made a fuss about it, everyone would know before the end of the day. It just wouldn't be worth it. Maybe it'll help your relationship with the other coworker?

Thank you guys all for your responses. I actually no longer work their anymore, me and my FH moved back to my hometown. That's why it was very weird when she rsvped for both of them. Invites were sent out at the same time and the 2 invited coworker actually rsvp'd at the same time (during our normal work hours) I'm sure the other one knew she wasn't invited. I never discussed her receiving an invitation EVER and rarely talked about the wedding unless she brought it up. Ugh

Will this person be traveling to attend the wedding? If yes, I'd say just let it go and allow them to bring the other coworker. If there's no traveling involved, I think you can reach out to them and specify that the invite was for her and her bf.

I am of the mindset that even if someone will know other people at the wedding, if they want to bring someone, that's totally fine with me; I just want everyone to enjoy themselves. If all of the other coworkers you invited will have their SOs there, she might feel like she'll be a 5th wheel.

I realize this is UO, but some SOs would probably prefer to be tied to an anthill naked than go to a wedding. The coworker who rsvp'd the other coworker may have an uninterested SO and didn't realize she was breaking an etiquette rule by bringing someone else. Honestly, before I joined WW I probably wouldn't have had a clue I was out of line if I did that. I assumed my +1 was of my choosing.

You budgeted for two, two are coming. I never understand why this is a big deal

If I didn't invite a certain coworker it'd be because I don't want them at my wedding. So to me it'd be a big deal if they'd come. Also, I don't understand why that coworker would want to attend when they weren't invited to begin with.

I wouldn't care. If it was someone I didn't like I guess id be annoyed but I wouldn't say anything. I wonder why this other coworker would even want to come if they weren't invited in the first place? If I was in that situation no way in hell would I go

Usually I'm in the camp of "it's not a big deal, you budgeted for two", but it seems like you actually don't want this person there b/c you don't care for her. If that's the case, then let the invited person know that the invitation was for her and her SO and that you will understand if she'd rather not attend. If the other folks she will know plan on attending, let her know so-and-so will be there, so she won't think she won't know anyone else there.

FWIW, I have no idea why the invited former coworker would even want to go. If I was in her shoes (which I have been), I would have told the person, "no I'm not going because I wasn't specifically invited - the rest of you were." Unless she is attending to be Petty Pattycakes, which in that case, she can stay home.

If you gave her a plus one she is really allowed to bring whoever she wants. I had a coworker who did this. Her husband is ill and I knew he would not attend. I didn't see it as a big deal.

@Erin - in her OP, she said she invited the coworkers and their SO's specifically by name.

I would've said to let it go because it would have made for an uncomfortable working environment. But since you've said that you don't even work with this girl anymore, I say you should address it.

Who wants to go to a wedding that they weren't invited to anyway? That's odd.

If you addressed it specifically to your coworker and their SO, she should not substitute for another person that isn't invited. I think that is very rude, and I would contact her stating that the invitation was intended for her SO. If she doesn't want to attend, that's on her.

I would say something especially if you and the person she invited aren't that cool. If it's a small office I know it could cause a problem. So you may not want to listen to me. I'm so glad I work from home I don't have to put up with office politics. Good luck

In this situation, I totally get it. You selected who you wanted to invite from work and by bringing another coworker (who it sounds like you're not close with) makes things awkward. It can cause office drama if someone finds out that someone your weren't close with went but they didn't get an invite.

It will be awkward but you can talk to your coworker and explain this to her. I would tell her that you intentionally only invited people from work who you were close to and that you don't want anyone else to feel slighted. The problem is that would leave your coworker it the awkward position of having to un-invite her plus one... I would only do it if your relationship is bad.

You didn't budget for one person you wanted and one person you didn't. Rachel nailed it.

I am not in the camp of inviting co workers to begin with.

That is so rude. Invitations are not transferable when they have specific names. It IS a big deal if you really don't want certain people at your wedding.

I would let her know that the invitation was only for her and her husband. Since you no longer work at that place, you wont face any work-related consequences so that makes it easier.