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Beginner October 2021

Coworker invite dilemma!!

Ashleigh, on February 2, 2021 at 3:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24

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Help! So thanks to covid, everyone at my job is working from home. We have to have weekly phone calls for just my group (7 of us total) and I got engaged in the middle of last year. So, they all know I’m engaged and all know I’m getting married this October. Here’s my dilemma, I get asked questions about the venue, different details about the wedding, etc. on our weekly phone calls. I don’t want to be rude, so I give answers where warranted. Now I’ve come to where I feel like I have to invite all of them. Initially I had just decided I’d invite my 2 bosses and 1 other coworker (higher ranked than me), because they’re the only people I have a non-work relationship with and have known them since I started working there. We’re already over on our number of guests we were hoping to invite, so it’s getting to a point of even potentially dropping friends from the list. I don’t know what to do!! Any advice would be appreciated!!!

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24 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on February 3, 2021 at 1:59 PM

Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 2, 2021 at 3:07 PM
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Do not invite anyone over ovligation. I would stip sharing details with people on your work calls.
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Expert September 2021
· on February 2, 2021 at 3:07 PM
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I say you're doing it perfectly! I would just tell the other coworkers that you're having to be selective with COVID restrictions and that you hate that you can't have them there!
I talk with coworkers all of the time about wedding stuff just passively. They may just be excited for you and interested in the planning, not necessarily feeling like they will be invited!
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:10 PM
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It’s SO hard, these are work calls but they’re more on the personal side. It’s hard not being around people all day and then having human contact through the phone and wanting to share some positive things during this awful time.
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:12 PM
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Thank you for this! It’s hard for me because these calls are more personal than work related, and I do get the feeling they genuinely are just curious when they ask questions. I don’t want to come off the wrong way, so thank you for giving me some reassurance! 😊
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Expert September 2021
· on February 2, 2021 at 3:19 PM
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I've become very close with my coworkers and they genuinely love gearing about wedding planning, it kind of brings light to the blah times! Don't feel guilty about being excited and talking about the biggest day of your life! I think they'll totally understand! Congrats girlfriend!
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on February 2, 2021 at 3:21 PM
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Perhaps you could casually slip in something about the guest list restrictions the next time you're asked about the wedding in general? Maybe something like "yes, the venue is such-and-such....ya know it's really fun planning a wedding, but there are also really stressful components, especially with covid and all...like we are trying to figure out how to deal with venue restrictions, covid restrictions, AND budget restrictions...and we just wish we could rent out a football stadium and invite everyone we know and love, but there are so many obstacles! One thing that's not stressful, though, is the cake tasting...that's definitely an awesome perk of wedding planning!" That way you kinda nonchalantly mention all the different restrictions you have on the guest list, and then go right to talking about something else (so there's not a pause when they may feel the need to comment on the guest list restrictions). Just throwing out an idea, and hopefully it helps!
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:22 PM
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Thank you for this! I needed to hear this today! I wish I had all the money and space to not worry about hurt feelings haha. I do feel like there has been so much bad that’s gone on this year I like talking about something happy, like my day! So if someone asks me about it, I almost can’t help myself. Congrats to you too!!
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:26 PM
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Thanks for the advice! I have nonchalantly said a few times about how stressful wedding planning has been through covid and how we’re having trouble with our guest list, so maybe it’s assumed they aren’t invited and just are curious since there are still questions asked. Maybe I’m worrying over nothing, I’m just a worrisome and people pleasing person, so it weighs on me lol.
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Devoted August 2023
Hhh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:27 PM
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I think you are fine! I used to talk wedding stuff all the time with a couple coworkers who were planning theirs, and it was just nice hearing about their lives ☺️ I never expected an invite (and I didn’t get one). Especially right now, it’s nice hearing happy news. I wouldn’t actively try to bring it up, but if they ask there is no harm.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on February 2, 2021 at 3:29 PM
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I completely agree with this! Just because they're interested, and you talk to them about wedding stuff, doesn't mean you're obligated to invite them!
I also talk to my coworkers about our wedding whenever they ask questions about it, but I don't plan on inviting any. The same goes for my FH and his coworkers!
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on February 2, 2021 at 3:31 PM
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I wouldn’t stress too much about extending the invite to them, especially worrying about replacing some friends you’re close to in order to make them comfortable. I’m sure none of them actually expect invites, as most coworkers just like asking personal questions to help pass the time!
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:33 PM
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Thanks for the kind words!!
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:35 PM
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Thank you! Glad to know I’m not alone in this issue 😊
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Beginner October 2021
Ashleigh · on February 2, 2021 at 3:36 PM
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Thank you for helping to ease my mind on this!
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 2, 2021 at 3:38 PM
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I work from home as well. It's not hard for me, but I'm a very private person and have experienced gossip in the past.
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Dedicated November 2021
Claudia · on February 2, 2021 at 3:59 PM
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My coworkers ask all the time as well. They're just curious, weddings are exciting events. I would suggest you not invite anyone out of obligation. Especially if you're considering cutting out closer
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Dedicated November 2021
Claudia · on February 2, 2021 at 4:05 PM
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My response was cut
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Super October 2022
AJ · on February 2, 2021 at 4:06 PM
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I would only invite if you have a relationship outside of work, don’t feel obligated to invite anyone. I’m not inviting any coworkers unless we have a relationship beyond office setting.
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Devoted March 2022
Apryl · on February 2, 2021 at 4:58 PM
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Most of the time people are just making conversation when they ask about your wedding.
Don't invite anyone that you aren't friends with outside of work.
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Expert September 2021
Meghan · on February 2, 2021 at 5:39 PM
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My coworkers assumed they were invited and said they couldn’t wait for cake. I felt soooooo awkward so I just said the truth that we’re already at 230 with just family & family friends and reached our limit (this was pre-covid). I don’t bring it up at work, but if they mention it I’ll briefly say something and move on. (I also work with all guys so it doesn’t come up often).
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