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Tiffany
Super October 2017

Cousin/BM hangs out w/my ex?!

Tiffany, on August 6, 2016 at 4:19 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

Okay, so here's the deal: I went out to breakfast with one of my friends and my cousin/BM the other day. While we were eating breakfast, my BM nonchalantly brings up that she hung out with my ex fiancée the night before. My friend and I looked at each other in disbelief, while she went on about how...

Okay, so here's the deal: I went out to breakfast with one of my friends and my cousin/BM the other day. While we were eating breakfast, my BM nonchalantly brings up that she hung out with my ex fiancée the night before. My friend and I looked at each other in disbelief, while she went on about how they only talked about Pokemon and played Pokemongo together. I acted like it didn't bother me, but it really does and I feel like I need to make if known that it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

A little backstory on my ex: He was very mentally abusive and would occasionally become physically abusive after heavy drinking. I was with him on and off for 8 years and everyone hated him, including this cousin that I'm talking about. So why now, after we've broken up, and she's even ASKED to be in my bridal party (I obviously said yes to her) in my wedding with my new fiancée, is she hanging out with him and being friendly?

Cont'd in comments.

27 Comments

  • LadyPearl
    VIP November 2016
    LadyPearl ·
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    This is a major case of put on your big girl panties and have a serious sit down with your cousin. Don't yell or lose your temper, just make sure she fully understands how you feel. If she still decides to befriend him, you may need distance yourself from your cousin. Sounds like he's trying to find a new angle to get to you and sadly she's taken the bait.

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  • FutureMrs.Dyson
    Super December 2016
    FutureMrs.Dyson ·
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    OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. I really understand, the biological father of my daughter was abusive and stalked me once we broke up. He posted lies and all kinds of things on social media. I had some friends and family continue to talk to him and hang out with him. I explained how I felt, and some understood and stopped talking to him, and I lost some friends.

    Life goes on. I promise. If you want to keep her around, then try talking it out, and at least have her understand that for your sanity, you don't want her sharing your business with him. It'll get better.

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  • Theresa Beale
    Master November 2014
    Theresa Beale ·
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    Jay Farrell, there is "sisters before misters". To me, its worse than that. It is also "blood's thicker than water". OP, your cousin should have your back no matter what. I commented before but I feel really bad for you that your cousin thinks its okay to hang out with someone she knows hurt you so bad.

    I would also mention that if the ex keeps trying to contact you, you may want to think about going to the courts and get a protection/no contact order. At the very least keep track of each time he contacts you and tell him that he is harassing you and if it continues you will look into legal action. You shouldn't have to live in fear or even worry about him, by letting him worry you he continues to have control over your life.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I had a similar thing happened, but it was with my sister. She had my ex using her basement suite and they became close. I distanced myself from her for two years, and she knew nothing of my life. It was sad, but she didn't respect my need for privacy after our breakup. One of my friends took it upon herself to call her out on it, and she realized what had happened and how she had been manipulated.

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  • Tiffany
    Super October 2017
    Tiffany ·
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    @jacks.. Isn't it crazy that they use someone so close to home to manipulate?! I have plenty of friends that would call her out on it for me. I honestly think it would be best for my FH to say something about it, because she responds better to male attention. (Hence her hanging out with my ex) no sisters before misters in her world.

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  • FutureMrsMaidenName
    VIP August 2017
    FutureMrsMaidenName ·
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    It sounds like he is manipulating your cousin to get to you and I would be worried that he will use her to get information about your wedding and do something.

    I am usually against "kicking out" a bridal party member, but this is an actual safety concern for you. You need to have a serious talk with her and if she doesn't get a clue, then you need to put your safety first.

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  • NotThatFreakinMary
    VIP November 2016
    NotThatFreakinMary ·
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    I wouldn't be able to have a

    Relationship with her over this. I would ask her if she's lost her mind since she knows how he treated you.

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