Cousin issues

Is there other family that travels that maybe won’t be able to make it to their wedding because they can’t travel 2 weekends in a row? I probably also wouldn’t want to go to a wedding the weekend before mine if I had to travel. Not sure if she has to.

I feel like thw cousins feelings are very valid. Especially if you knew before hand when their wedding was, and then scheduled yours the week before theirs. It makes you look rude and like you’re trying to steal their guests who won’t be able to travel twice or stay the full week for both weddings.

Aside from traveling guests, I don’t see why it would matter honestly. Idk why people get worked up when you choose a date close to theirs. I can understand if they’re worried about certain guests not being able to attend from out of town, but I don’t think it’s worth getting worked up over. Lots of people I know are getting married around the same date as ours, including my maid of honor haha! Hers is three weeks after mine and because of that I won’t make it to her shower. I’ll be on our honeymoon. If it was non intentional, I would tell your cousin. let Them know you truly didn’t want to cause any issues.

Imagine it for their point of view for a moment. How would you feel if it was reversed? I do understand your reasons though, I really do, I think their being upset is valid though, but I don't think you had bad intentions. Have you or your FH explained the reasons to them? That may help

I wouldn't like it because that means family has to choose which wedding to come to. And while he sister can stay for a week other guest aren't able to do that and if they can that's still extra money out of their pocket. Why couldn't you do it the week after hers? To me it sounds like you're trying to steal the spotlight. And I'm sure that's not the only day that worked for the church, reception venue and work schedule. That's a heck of a coincidence. Most people would have planned accordingly to have off work for their wedding, and that may have been the only day that venue was available(side eye) but you should have found another one.

I agree that fiancé’s feelings are valid if you knew their date beforehand. Since there’s going to be significant overlap in the guest list, I understand her being concerned about having guests travel to a second wedding in a row and if her date was set first, it’s not really fair that she has to worry about that. I get that it wasn’t intentional, but it does seem pretty inconsiderate.

21 years ago my cousin A scheduled her wedding two weeks before my other cousin’s (cousin b) Everyone knew when cousin b’s was she had put a ton of planning into it. It was a major scandal in our family. Lol. We’re pretty tame since that was the big deal. To this day hubby of cousin b has some resentment of hubby a. (in all fairness hubby a is a complete jerk)
In the end we all had fun at both but everyone always compares their two weddings. And it truly felt like cousin A was trying to steal B’s thunder and has hurt their relationship.
I would be upset if a family member scheduled right before mine if I had been planning for a while and I knew they knew my date. If it happened coincidentally early in the planning that’s different but it clearly sounds like you knew what their date was.

I've been planning our wedding for one full year with another left before the big day. One of the very first things we selected was the actual date. Our venue was booked shortly thereafter. Date confirmed so everyone already knew. I'd be really hurt if someone in my family (or his family) scheduled their wedding a week before. Not only would it significantly impact the guest list as most would be unable to attend two weddings back to back, but it just looks rude and petty. If you knew their date beforehand, I feel like you're in the wrong here. If it was entirely accidental, that would be different but from what I can gather in your post, that was not the case. Have you actually already booked anything? If not, I would try and book the weekend after instead.

This affects everyone so of course I can understand why the cousin is upset. OOT guests will have to choose between weddings. Guests might not like having to pony up more cash for yet another wedding. Another outfit, another gift, another cash n’ card for the card box. More gas. More lodging.

Do you see how completely inconvenient this is for everyone? If you’re going to do this I think it would be kind of you to help cover costs for lodging for these poor guests at least.

I might be in the minority, but I think that the cousin is being ridiculous. Between FH & I we have like 60x first cousins, 5x of which are having weddings within 6 weeks of each other - my cousin wedding is 6x days before mine. Yes, it might affect some people’s ability to travel, but you cannot be expected to schedule everything around other people’s wedding. There are venues, church availability to consider.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! FH fam is all in the same state except his sister and 1 other cousin. Our wedding is also less than half the size of her with only apx a 25-30 guest overlap. Can’t please everyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

To me this is pretty straightforward:
- If you knew her date before scheduling yours & if you two have significant number of overlapping OOT guests, then of course you scheduling a week before is not cool. You are making OOT guests pick between your 2 weddings essentially.
- If you two scheduled your dates without knowing the other & it just happened to be a week apart, or if you don’t have a lot of overlapping OOT guests, then the cousin is overreacting. I don’t subscribe to the whole “stealing my thunder” thing. This way of thinking is just silly & a bit insecure. For me at least, no matter who does what & for what reason, nobody can steal anything from my wedding day lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ehhhhh.... yes and no.

We had to select the weekend FOLLOWING my husband's cousin's wedding.

A lot of similar reasons as to why that HAD to be our date.

Instead of his cousin being the the one upset, however, it was a few family members who are flying to both. (Theirs kn kansas city, ours in Nashville).

But it is what it is. The only real reason to get his feathers ruffled would be if people are opting to go to one or the other and someone SPECIFICALLY cannot make his wedding because of attending yours. But in that case, all he would do is communicate that to you and I'm sure you guys would be gracious enough to share the guests... so suggest he communicate HOW this is negatively effecting his wedding. And help try and find solutions for those specific problems. But otherwise, in general... it is not a big deal.

But girl I know you already know, people get their feathers ruffled for much less. Lol. You can't take it personal. You guys have to do what's right for yall.

View Quoted Comment And to be very clear. Our wedding was the first one scheduled. We scheduled a wedding in a very popular month. I’m thrilled that everyone scheduled their weddings around us. What’s next - don’t get pregnant around the same time.

View Quoted Comment Really?! My FH sister and my friends are begging me to get pregnant at the same time as their next babies so they can be little friends 😂

The cousin's fiance is being ridiculous. Seriously. You get ONE day for a wedding. Don't cover lodgings for guests. You chose that date for very important logistical reasons, your guests are mostly local, and there's little overlap in the guest list. If some people can't make it, less money for you to spend.

My cousin's fiance was upset someone scheduled a wedding the same year as them. The quote "she's been engaged 6 years and they just had to set a date the same year I'm getting married". I was blown away, but apparently this does bother people. I can see everyone's point about out of town guests. Hopefully it all works out for you!!

This happens. Nobody's fault. And no one gets weeks or months reserved for them. About a third of your guest list may overlap. Many of those would not come to one or the other, or either, anyways. Too much time or money to travel, not nearly as close to one as the other. Some may choose other people's weddings or their own vacations, over both of your weddings. In the end it will be a very few people who must decide, do one or both. Not a big deal.
Some years we go to 5-7 wedding, 4 are family, like this year . The year we got married, we each went to seventeen , two days we were each in a family wedding in a different state .
What happens when a couple has 6 siblings and 6 first cousins of one or the other marry the same year as close friends. Two family wedding a week apart are not a big deal. Families with lots of kids manage it year after year, some no births deaths, or weddings, some there may be 10 1st cousin or closer. I think a lot of people , especially from small families, think multiple family events in a month or two are a reason for big drama. They are not.

I think your cousin has valid feelings, but is overreacting. Each of you are having your own special days so she can suck it up

View Quoted Comment Yes, a positive take on this for us, too. So nice that a few of hubby's siblings as well as mine moved fairly close together, near us ( we were outliers when firts married.) when starting families. Playmates, cousins who are best friends likely for life ( as close as brothers and sisters in many families.) To begin with it was passing back and forth stuff for each stage of infancy, toddler, preschool stuff. Now it is reduced time for each pair of parents, as a bunch of cousins cover carpooling, occasional overnight babysitting, snow days, let each set of parents take a long weekend child free now and then. Marrying close together, and repeatedly having children born close in age, draws all family closer. I do not understand all these I- MUST-be-the-only-one-in-the-spotlight divas . Share the love be and fun, and have someone who understands there for the down times too. Sharing, a concept that should be learned in childhood.