Cousin engaged after and married before

View Quoted Comment When someone offers to throw a shower for you, or have a bachelorette, mention that they should coordinate with whoever is planning your cousin's, so they choose different dates. Your weddings are weeks apart, so rehearsals will not overlap. Where is the problem? I have been in 3 weddings in 2 months before. Never an overlap of a shower or rehearsal. One spring and summer I was in 2 but attended 10 weddings. One pair had the same shower day. I went to the shower I was giving, as the other was 300 miles away. I think you will find most people who miss your parties or special things, will do so because they interfere with work, with kids' schedules, and with their use of their own vacation time set around their jobs and family or SO. Far more conflicts, than your two fall weddings. People on vacation in July or August won't change for your shower. But bridesmaids in both weddings will plan months in advance.

View Quoted Comment The only competition is it sounds like the one you're putting into to. People are going to compare weddings regardless of whose comes first. I doubt it would make you feel any better if yours was first, somehow wasn't great and then hers was better.
And theres a month between the dates...that's plenty of time for them to regain focus on your wedding. It's not like she swooped in and chose your date making family and potential bridesmaids choose which to attend.

One of my cousins got engaged a couple of months after we did and set her date for four weeks before ours. Our family had to travel for both our weddings. Do you know how much impact our weddings had on each other? None. Nobody compared them. We managed (without any difficulty) to coordinate pre-wedding events so that there were no clashes. It’s not a competition, it’s not a race. Your cousin has picked a date which suits her, you’ve picked a date which suits you. Make like Elsa and let it go.

We have a family member that is getting married the night before my sisters wedding. Nothing we can do about it but go with the flow. We have family members going to both weddings and they are happy to do it because they love both brides and grooms and wouldn’t miss it. We just had to see when their bridal shower was to make sure they weren’t in the same day. Everything else is going very smoothly.

This....10000%

View Quoted Comment My sister and I are kind of in the same boat. Our weddings will be three months apart and she is very upset with me about it. Here’s the thing. The vips are very close to you and love you they are going to your wedding for you and her wedding for her. It doesn’t matter whose wedding is better and it is normal to compare, people will compare your wedding to everyone’s else’s wedding they have ever gone to. It’s human nature. Being on the other side of this in the same position as your cousin, you need to let the spotlight go, because only the day of really matters. Let this be an opportunity to do some stuff together and have it help you grow and not separate you. She is not planning her wedding to steal your spotlight or ruin yours or make it a completion.

No, you can't.

You need to let that go and just be unconditionally happy and supportive for her. Your wedding day and her’s will each be amazing in their own way. Enjoy this special time in both of your lives, it’s simply a cause for more celebration!

It would have been nice of her to contact you guys directly ( we did this for a cousin getting married a few months before us) but it is not required. If she hasn't started planning her date may still change based on venue availability. Regardless your day will be just as special as hers!

No, you cannot ask her to move her date. Everyone has a different timeline. I got engaged in May and will not get married until October. A friend of mine got engaged in August and is getting married in September. You cannot control what other people do. She isn't stealing your thunder. Maybe she has some type of connection to the date she picked. Maybe they found a venue and that was the only available date. There are so many reasons that she could have chosen the date she did. Regardless, you can't dictate when she gets married. Your wedding will be your wedding and the people that attend will be happy for you. I promise they are not going to compare the two.

First off, I totally get where you're coming from. BUT, she has every right to choose whatever date she wants. It doesn't matter who got engaged/married first. Everyone should just be happy for each other! Do not ask her to reconsider her date, that wouldn't be very kind. I'm sure she wasn't trying to steal the spotlight - she's just trying to marry the love of her life, as are you!

I say do not let it affect you. Make it seem like no big deal and see how she reacts.

I can understand why this would bother you. It would probably also bother me for a few days. But like someone else said, if she’s not a generally malicious person, she probably never intended this to upset you and didn’t even think about it. October is hugely popular. She probably picked it for the date and the month, not to spite you. It sounds like you’re the one making this a competition and seething on the inside while she’s off somewhere calm and happy lol. Let it go, this isn’t worth being upset over for a long time. And certainly don’t ask her to move her date, that’s wrong on so many levels.

I think you need to let it go. I know it sucks, i would be upset too, but her and her fiance have their own timeline/reasons for wanting to marry when they do .

I feel your pain but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. It's a shame that people have try and steal other peoples joy

I am still pretty unhappy with the whole situation, but I reread all of the replies and decided not to say anything to my cousin. I just don't think it's worth the fight. Thanks for the advice everyone

I can understand where your coming form. But in all honesty Venue's are really hard to get for 2022 back when my friends got their venue booked, and now its even harder. So I wouldn't say anything to your cousin. A friend and I were both looking at October. As they were doing a venue the venue availability picked their date not them. I was a little hurt, but the venue made the call for us and it was a good thing in the long run. My fiancé and I have since decided that we wanted to keep our anniversary date which is April 12th. We are not doing the backyard wedding anymore either cause I don't wanna do all that clean up.

You think that's bad my cousin set their date a week before mine.