Courthouse wedding then ceremony and reception.

Honestly I would scale it all down and have a very intimate ceremony with close family and friends if that is within your budget. I'm not sure in your location, but here in Virginia you can have an officiant from the court come out to different locations or just have your own hired one. Most people honestly do not end up having the ceremony later on, but I have been to one where they were married prior to since the husband was in the military and had an official ceremony and things later on.

Since you are a stay at home mom, I actually recommend you get married legally as soon as possible. That way you won't just be getting insurance, you will also have the legal protections that marriage brings.

Kassy- what legal protections are you referring to? Genuinely curious as I always assumed the mom has more legal protection before marriage.

@Ostrich, protection as in if something happens to her FH. She currently has no income. He could just decide to up and leave, and not leave a penny to her. While this is still technically possible when you are married, you can fight to get half of it back. Or if he dies in an accident. Even if she is set up as the beneficiary to all his things, that can take a while to go through. A spouse will have much faster access.

Ahh gotchya, I usually am pretty good figuring out worse case/morbid scenarios but I was on the opposite spectrum thinking of the husband to be taking custody lol

I know someone who did this and it was just as special. Totally emotional. The couple wrote their own vows and had everyone crying

I work for one of the main Insurance companies. In most states you are offered coverage as a Domestic Partner. If not you should be qualifying for Medicaid. And this has nothing to do with your wedding choice, just want you to know your options.

For my first marriage we did the courthouse wedding then plan to do the whole shebang with family and friends but life happened and we never did it. After a while we fell into the "what's the point we're already married" rabbit hole. MHO, if you're going to do it, go into it with a vow renewal in mind.

The "big wedding" can STILL be special. @Brianna, are you and your FH religious of some kind? If so, most religions won't even consider you "really married", or at least not married under your "religious law", unless you are married by your religious leader, at least for Judaism its this way (and I think Catholics are like this too??) So even if you do the quickie courthouse signing of legal documents, you CAN still have your special day, with all the bells and whistles.

I think the insurance reason is a valid reason, not everyone wants to go on medicaid--the insurance coverage is crappy with this--sorry.

Oh and, its not lying to your guests, tell who you want to tell (if you want to keep it a complete secret that is fine, and probably the best option, so you can avoid the news "getting slipped" by someone you did tell, this can make the ones you didn't tell upset...)

To decrease your chances of the "not getting around to the big wedding thing", just find the venue and pick your date ASAP, and put a deposit down, this way you CAN'T back out.

I recently 'made it legal' for a young military couple. They did not exchange vows or rings, saving that for the ceremony they will have this summer with their families/friends.

Check into his insurance policy. I am on FI's because it offers better coverage than the student or work plans I would get. We are defined as domestic partners by his company/insurer, so he can cover me. You can also look into getting a civil union instead of getting married, though I think the fine print on that depends on your state.

I did that. I don't regret it and I still look forward to the "big wedding". We did it for multiple financial reasons but I wanted it also because for some reason it took some of the pressure off of the big wedding planning. I get anxious easily so this was a big reason. Others may not understand it but it worked for us.

As a guest, I'd go to your vow renewal and celebrate you. It wouldn't feel like a real wedding though, given that you will have been married for a year by then.

Our friends got married in a courthouse ceremony for insurance reasons (another reason for universal healthcare imp, but I digress) and then had a ceremony and reception on their first anniversary. We knew all about it, and had no issues with sharing in their ceremony or party.

I've had a good handful of clients do this over the years. The only time I saw it become a "problem" for anyone was a friend of mine. And that was because at the very last minute she and her eventual husband turned a "make it legal" situation into a small but full scale event, and her family was disappointed that they weren't part of it.

Doing the same thing,,,worried too

We are doing the same, but not by much. My FH works offshore and when we planned our wedding it was 10 days after he got home. Well they changed his schedule and now he gets home Thursday and we get married Saturday In our state, when you apply for the license you have to wait 72 hours before it's valid and it's only good for 30 days. So we will either get married at the courthouse right before he leaves or get it signed by our pastor in the days after. We are telling our parents and that's it. Honestly, our friends and family would understand and not care and it will make a funny story one day.

As you can see this is a common thing among couples. (even though some people frown upon it.)

In order to make your Big day feel special, I suggest keeping the courthouse marriage, strictly business, do not refer to it as a wedding, because its not a wedding.

Do NOT exchange rings or vows, just go meet with the judge, respond to him/her and sign the legal documents. Have a semi-nice dinner to "mini-celebrate".

Then go home and plan your real wedding for the date you want to celebrate it. (doesn't have to be your "anniversary")

Briannah, if you are a SAHM I'm assuming your FH is currently paying your expenses. How much does it cost to be added to his insurance? I know that for me switching from a single plan to a family plan to add my DH was an additional $108/month. I'm assuming your children are already covered on his insurance? I don't think there's anything wrong with having a courthouse wedding. There's also nothing wrong with having a reception to celebrate with your friends and family at a later date. However, you're right that it won't be the same as the traditional wedding day because you will already be married. @Emily gave great advice that you can't "have it all" and will have to decide what is most important.

Also, please change your avatar to something other than the rings. You can find the directions here: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-new-users-faq-lingo-and-guidelines/736e1073af1a0860.html

Doing the same thing and all our friends/ family know. My DH is currently back in school and I would have felt horrible to not offer insurance protection so that I could have a wedding like all these wonderful brides here are planning. He is the love of my life and I wanted to be sure he is protected if something were to happen to me. To answer your question some days I wish that I could plan a wedding like any other bride on this forum but when I walk into the venue or when I talk centerpieces with my friends, and they tell me how excited they are, it makes me feel excited as well and I know that on the big day it will be magical! Hope this helps