Courthouse wedding & big wedding

It would be a vow renewal. The official wedding is when you get married, which would happen at the courthouse.

While I have no personal experience with this, apparently people around me do this.
My best friend and her husband (who is in the military) got married (I think it was at the courthouse) almost a year before their actual wedding. I actually dont even think anyone was there with them and they only told a couple of us closest to them. But for their big wedding, they just did it like it was their first wedding.
Also I have a friend who had 3 weddings. One in SF at the Courthouse with all their CA friends, another one in the brides hometown on the east coast and then another one in Turkey (where the groom is from). All 3 of these weddings were their wedding, they didn't do it as if it was their second. They did it as if it was their first.
Also my future Brother-In-Law and his wife had 2 weddings. One that was smaller for family and closest friends and then a couple months later another one that was just for friends. They did both of these as if it was their first wedding.

Definitely a vow renewal. Those can be pretty close to what you'd say at an actual wedding. And I think that in the military, people understand that you often can't have a big wedding at the time you need to get legally married in order to share housing, etc.

Hi Danielle! Congrats on your engagement

Your situation makes this totally understandable and you received some good feedback from others' experiences in this thread. As 2d Bride said too, people who know you and your FH, know he's in the military, and will definitely understand that both at the same time (the legal marriage and big wedding) is not always possible.

Both your courthouse marriage and big wedding event will be so special and absolutely perfect because of what they signify: your life and marriage with your soul mate.

Will some close family members be attending your small courthouse wedding, too?

My fiancé is also in the military and our wedding date is set for next year. We’re doing a courthouse marriage on the same day this year because he’s leaving for training and we’ve already been together for 3 and a half years. It’s really whatever you want to call it, if you want to have a “second wedding” then go for it. My parents will be at the courthouse but we’re not considering it our wedding. Sometimes life in the military does not work out how we want so we have to do our own thing. Congrats!

Yes! We had a small courthouse wedding(just me, him and my son) and are having the big wedding in Vegas in October. My son calls the courthouse wedding our marriage times day and the big wedding is the wedding lol. No one questioned it and are all still super pumped for Vegas. It's technically a vow renewal but I'll have my dress and our wedding party and finally our reception. We just don't sign the papers in October.

So what will your officiant/you both say during the “big wedding” day? That’s where I’m feeling stumped.

This is what FH and I are doing. We’ll have a ceremony with just us next month and then a wedding sometime in 2019 or 2020.

Congratulations on your engagement!! We are actually doing the same thing! My fiancé is in the military as well & next Friday we’ll be married at a local courthouse with our parents & close friends. We’re planning on having our big wedding next year, ceremony in a Catholic Church. I’ve talked with a priest & it’s called convalidation - renewed vows recognized in the Catholic Church. You can do whatever works best for you two. Whether you announce that you’re already married or not. I would have the conversation with the officiant or priest beforehand that you want the full ceremony (if that’s what you want). And no one would know the difference. Good luck! And try not to be stressed about it!

My husband and I went to the DMV and got legally married and just told our closest family members- then we will be having a big ceremony next year!! I think this is very common in the military!

A lot of people say vow renewal, but we're counting ours as a wedding. We're going to celebrate our anniversary on the day we're having our big wedding, not the courthouse wedding. After all, it's a piece of paper.

This is one of those situations etiquette can get thrown out the window, because people don't understand what it's like for military families. We don't have the luxury of depending on a certain day. We had ours set for March, then he got deployment orders for January. It's smarter to do the courthouse wedding just to ensure you're covered for benefits, but you can have the officiant say whatever you damn well please.

We're treating it like it's our first and only wedding. Just the certificate will say a different date. I'm fine with that. =] do whatever you want.

No matter what you want to call it, you cannot have two legal weddings. The day you get married legally is the day that will be filed and you will legally be husband and wife. Another ceremony after that is symbolic only and won’t legally count as your wedding. People can say that they decide it’s their real wedding, but it’s just not. It’s a vow renewal or a celebration of marriage or a symbolic ceremony. Lying about being married is dishonest. Will you file single with the IRS since you don’t count it as real?

“Etiquette doesn’t count for me” lol

View Quoted Comment I don’t think anyone is saying they’re having two LEGAL weddings. It’s the thought and situation. I really don’t appreciate the negativity when I’m asking for advice on a situation.
Its not LYING, that’s an extreme exaggeration. LEGALLY, we will be married, but I’m simply asking what you would say at the wedding party thrown for our families and friends.
Thanks for your input. But it’s not needed if it’s going to be rude.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the comment Kat! I deeply appreciate it!
I have been struggling with what we would say during the ceremony! What are you planning on having said during that?

View Quoted Comment People literally said they lied about it, so clearly I wasn’t talking to you. Save your lecture for someone who is addressing you. Thanks.

View Quoted Comment And no, you can’t have the officiant say “whatever you damn well please”, there are laws about what can and cannot be said at a ceremony that isn’t a legal wedding.

View Quoted Comment Danielle ,
Congrats first as Military Chaplain and as a
Veteran, passed spouse of one & Future Spouse of another to come . what you are doing is normal.
Most couples will have simple vows at the courthouse
When the couple comes together in front of family & friends the full ceremony is laid out . reading of vows, religious, however you both want set. Its done very beautifully and usually alot of men choose to wear uniform . quite special. Now both ceremonies are Legal.
The 1st one is getting the licensed signed and is your official Anniversary/ DOM.
Alot of couples will try to schedule tbe celebration or day w family on the same date 1 yr later. It is considered Renewal of Vows. but officiants consider and treat it as spevial as original day.
Blessings

View Quoted Comment I have to say I agree w og Gretchen here .. if you are telling people you got married at a courthouse before hand then it’s fkne .. just don’t call it a wedding- call it a celebration of your marriage .. I’m not saying o see anything wrong with doing jt your way just don’t mislead people.. and yes the person who said “ no one would know the difference “ is lying .. that’s being dishonest with guest as they believe they are there to see yu get married when infact you are already married. I understand being in the military makes things difficult but unfortunately no you do not get to throw etiquette out of the window.

View Quoted Comment And you also asked if it would be a vow renewal and what happens in this situation .. so the answer is YES it would be a vow renewal.. and what happens is you let your guest know that are you already married, and they are there to celebrate your existing marriage with you. And I wasn’t critiZing anyone I literally said I don’t see anything wrong with it as long as you go about it in the right way...