Courthouse wedding and reception

No, guests should never pay to celebrate your wedding. Your reception is a thank you to them for coming to your ceremony. Do not self-cater; it's unsafe and too much work. Either go out to dinner and you pay or use a cheap catering service (BBQ or Italian usually works). Alternatively, you could do a short cake and punch only reception if you schedule everything to begin after and end before normal meal times (like 1-3 or 2-4).

Also I am having a "regular wedding" (is that really a thing?) and I find these courthouse as a last resort posts offensive. Neither makes you better than anyone or any less married. However, not properly hosting guests does make you rude.

Why don't you elope at the courthouse and have a reception at a later date, when you can afford to properly host your guests?

Many courthouses don't allow more than a few guests anyway. And as for the "celebration", just have a nice dinner with the guests from the ceremony. Won't cost more than a few hundred. If you want to have the big reception, you need to pay for it.

No one was being rude. They're trying to help make sure that your guests are properly hosted, and that you don't get them sick from self-catering. You have a small budget? Yes, so do a lot of others here so we get it. Most of us are paying for our own wedding.

No, it doesn't have to be catered. You can go to a restaurant if you want. However, DO NOT self cater. Unless you for whatever reason want to give your guests food poisoning, and make your friends/family work on your wedding day.

We will give you our honest advice, and that's not rude. It would be rude to tell you that it was a great idea to treat your guests horribly.

This courthouse shit makes me nuts (unless you're in NYC or SF, both have gorgeous, historic courthouses and do tons of weddings but NOT on the weeknds....)

NJ Plan;

Our castle venue; 0.00

License 28.00

Officiant 250.00

Bouquet 50.00 (or less)

Bout 12.00

Photographer 300.00 (two hours)

Lunch for 10 500.00 (with wine and beer and cake)

1140.00 plus a tip for the restaurant staff. And that's a nice restaurant. You could add a musician and a dress and suit and still be under 2000.00

@Celia, kind of off-topic, but when eloping at a courthouse, is it common for the couple to bring their own officiant? Or will the magistrate still read the vows and conduct the ceremony?

I would love to meet the English teacher who taught you the definition of rude. No one is being rude here; it's not rude to offer you advice just because you don't like what's being said.

Guests don't pay for anything at the reception. The reception is the thank-you to them for witnessing your special day. There are affordable catering options and people have mentioned them here; the time you've spent being defensive could have been used by you to seriously consider and look into them instead.

People are rude on here. As long as you keep your food in the safe zone you will be fine!! I have worked doing catering myself and am planing on catering my own wedding. It is not rude or gross to make your own food!!

Your guests should not have to pay for their meal. If you want to reserve space at a restaurant, that is fine. It doesn't have to be a private banquet hall or anything like that. But you should pay for everyone's meal. If you can't afford to have a lot of people the just keep it to a few immediate family members or even just you and FH. You can always throw a party at some point later when you can afford it.

Pamela- cooking for one is way different than cooking for 100. I'm food safety certified but would never dream of catering my wedding. The amount of equipment and labor it would take is NOT something I want to be doing on my wedding day.

There's a difference between being rude and being told something that you don't want to hear. Also being in the proper "safe zone" properly usually requires certification (a caterer would know that). Also as you can see though Pamela missed the one word that it is, dangerous.

"Rude"

@Pamela: There's been one person here behaving rudely: you.

Rude is calling a bride a cow in her dress.

Blunt is telling someone their idea sucks/is rude and why.

Yes, self catering is rude because you expose guests to food-borne illness. Most people don't know HOW to properly serve/maintain safe temperatures for long periods. It's extremely irresponsible of you to encourage someone so obviously NOT trained AND INSURED to follow your poor choices.

If you're inviting people - YOU are paying for them! Yes, you DO have to feed them, or don't invite them!

@Pamela - Could you please offer an example of rudeness?

@Pamela there's a lot more than just the "safe zone" that needs to be worried about.

So I would like to know, if you're self-catering:

Where would the cooking be done? What is the cleanliness of the area?

Are hands going to be washed as often as need be?

Will gloves be worn at all times and switched when needed to avoid contamination? Is your hair going to be pulled back the entire time?

Where will the food be stored before the event? What food would you be cooking? Do you know the food borne illness risks that are specific to that food? What is the temperature safe zone for it? How do you plan to keep it in the safe zone during the event and who will be checking?

Where did you get your license to be able to do this? Do you have any liability insurance in case something does happen and someone gets sick?

Who's going to be spending time on your wedding day cooking and missing out on enjoying the day with everyone?

Just some things to think about before you decide to jump into something like that. It is not a good idea. You can get food catered that is cheaper to keep guests safe, and keep friends from working your wedding.

@Who? I'm not sure where you're located but generally the courthouse will supply the judge/mayor/clerk who will marry you.

And for Pamela? It's a little off topic, but not really if self catering is on the menu (ha ha) for any of you.

Here's the story of my wedding (most of you have heard this so you can scroll....)

Don’t. Do. It. Yourself.

When I got married I owned an upscale off premise catering company. We did hundreds of events a year at the top tier of pricing. Of course we thought this was the rational thing to do. It was the worst decision ever.

We had professional staff, a giant commissary kitchen at our business, a good pro level kitchen at the venue with sort of enough refrigeration and many contacts in the industry. My chef (husband) came from a long history of fine dining restaurants but at that point, off premise was not his strong point.

We spent the entire week ahead prepping (which meant we turned down other business) and to make matters worse, I insisted on doing my own flowers too. Expectations were high; after all, we’re both chefs.

We had 65 guests. This was close to (gag) 25 years ago; we did heavy apps and stations and had our staff work it. Mashed potato martinis, grilled cheese to order, a caviar and smoked salmon station with blinis and potato pancakes and a stream of passed hors d’oeuvres. Lots of alcohol, because, well, we’re chefs, lol…and our friends drink a lot.

It was horrible. No, no one died; (we’re better at this than that), and we handled it like we’d handle any one of the 20 events we did every week, but it was MY WEDDING. I was a total pain in the ass, my staff was crazy because….it was their boss’ wedding. We were decorating the cake when the guests walked in. It was covered by local media, which didn’t help…..one paper sent a war photographer, which should have been a clue.

Don’t do this.

Richard- safe zone typically refers to the range of temperatures bacteria don't multiply as much at. If you're in between frozen and hot, there's a lot of multiplying going on. The temps themselves vary a bit depending on what you're cooking.

ETA and it's very hard to maintain without proper monitoring, time limits, and equipment. Definitely not advocating Pamela's idea.

I would highly suggest pushing back your wedding until you can afford to properly host your guests. Or just elope or take under 10 people with you and go to dinner after at a restaurant (YOU PAY). Please do not make your guests pay for anything and do not self caterer.

They day you get married is your "regular" wedding. No matter what you choose. Since your date is in a short time, you should probably have had this figured out a while ago. If money is so tight, you should probably wait. Neither of these options are acceptable.