Courthouse ceremony and future "real wedding" or just "real wedding"?

It sounds like you’ve already made your decision. If you want to elope or have a courthouse wedding, you can do that. No one else gets to dictate your wedding. I suggest you start mentioning it to your family now so they’re not blindsided when you come home married one day.

If that’s what you want to do then go for it. I would talk to your families though and tell them so they are surprised. Explain that you want a “real wedding” in a few years so they will also get what they want. Good luck.

Hello, that's what we ended up doing but for other reasons. We got legally married june of this year and our actual wedding is june of this coming year. We have kept it a secret not very many people know that we got married. But in reality it's no ones business but mine and my husband and I'm glad we did it this way. I hope this helps goodluck to you and congratulations 😊

I have known a few people who have done something similar. Whether it is a complete elopement, planned couple only wedding or small destination wedding. They have had a reception within a year of their marriage. No ceremony or vow renewal. I've been to 2 outside at a pavillion of a club we belong to and 1 in a barn. I've had 2 friends that had couple only weddings that never followed it up with a reception. This is my own personal opinion after seeing friends and having my own wedding, I dont think it is worth it to have a vow renewal 3 years after getting married.

My husband and I didn't want to have a wedding. We could afford to save for one, but we wanted to get married just the 2 of us. I also didn't want an engagement, but for his male ego, he had to get a ring. My parents were so excited for a wedding. Ugh, they just like parties. We decided to have a wedding and the year of saving and dealing with people was frustrating. However, I'm glad we did it. It was nice to have all the people we cared about (and some we didn't) there to celebrate. We only had a 71 person total guest count. We ended up making back all the money we spent and more because of our generous friends and families.
It's up to you and FH. Before making such a big decision to please others, I would think about if they would do the same for you.

I think either works, but have three thoughts. First, if you marry/elope now, I would not attempt to "keep it a secret." Lying to family and friends is never a good idea in my book, and because of the legal ramifications, etc., odds are the truth will come out and people will potentially be very hurt by the deception. Second, if you do decide to elope, as a parent, I'd encourage you to tell your immediately families before you do. You don't have to invite them, but we would be very hurt if daughter did something that important without giving us the courtesy of a heads up. Third, if you are "just starting out," and a wedding seems financially overwhelming, I'd think about perhaps taking some time to get on your feet financially before you marry -- even in a courthouse ceremony. If you're not currently living together, and you're not opposed to the idea for religious or moral reasons, I'd start there. You can work on building your financial foundation and stability together. I say all of this as the mom of a daughter who married her HS sweetheart after being together for eight years. When they got married, they'd both graduated from college, had earned a graduate degree or completed a career-related advanced certificate program, had built up a nest egg, and had lived together for a couple years and were on their own financially. Obviously, marriage is a huge commitment and can be challenging in the best of circumstances. Financial issues are a major cause of marital conflict and/or divorce, so there are potentially lots of advantages to giving yourselves time to get on your feet financially. Good luck to you!

The time at which you get legally married is your real wedding.

A courthouse wedding is a real wedding. If the families can't accept that, it's their loss. Have the wedding you and your future spouse want! Be upfront that it's not up for negotiation from family members and be honest about your choice

I would take some time to think about why you’re wanting to do a court house wedding so soon and wait for the “real wedding”. Are there other reasons? Are you both not into weddings and would prefer a small, intimate court house wedding? My wedding is on 10/19/19; however, my FH got sick in August so we had a court house wedding so I could add him to my insurance. It was sad not having my family there and it didn’t feel like a real wedding, but marriage is about in sickness and in health and we did what we needed to do to save his life. We’re looking forward to celebrating our real wedding with family and friends in a few weeks. Do what feels right and your family with understand; just be honest with them. If I had the choice, I would only have the one wedding.