Nina
Just Said Yes May 2020

Court house wedding before actual wedding

Nina, on March 18, 2020 at 2:20 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 24

Due to the coronavirus we had to postpone our May 2nd wedding. We are considering doing a court house wedding on May 2nd (I have an amazing rehearsal dinner dress, have a photographer, and still make it a special day)and then hosting the full wedding at a later date. While I love this idea, I have a...
Due to the coronavirus we had to postpone our May 2nd wedding. We are considering doing a court house wedding on May 2nd (I have an amazing rehearsal dinner dress, have a photographer, and still make it a special day)and then hosting the full wedding at a later date. While I love this idea, I have a few concerns.
1.) people will be upset/think it’s weird that we still do a ceremony even though we are already married. I still want to walk down the aisle with my dad, with my long veil down to my fiancé.
2.) will already being married take away from that moment of walking down the aisle? Or will we still be just as excited that we’ve made it through all of this?3.) we’ve postponed our bachelorette/bachelor parties and my bridal shower. Again, would it be weird if we still had these at a later date even though we are already married
Im just not sure how to handle this as obviously there’s no etiquette for a pandemic 🙃

24 Comments

  • Tatiana
    Beginner July 2021
    Tatiana ·
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    I agree... This is not a time for nitpicking about titles. Who cares what it technically is or isnt called. It's a wedding celebration and people want to celebrate you. I will say... Might wanna have an honest discussion with your fiance about what your both comfortable with for a bachelorette / bachelor party though, just for good communication. But I have several friends who have gotten legally married and still had a stag / hen night. Still a blast. Best of luck and enjoy your legal ceremony and your wedding party 💞💞
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Please reconsider having his Grandpa do it. Older people are a high risk group. You could be a carrier and not know it because of the 2 week incubation period.

    That said, I think the next year is going to consist of a lot of big weddings that are following a small courthouse wedding. I think guests will be more than understanding of the circumstances. Just keep in mind that your actual anniversary will be the courthouse wedding. But, that should be fine since it was date you wanted to begin with!

    Congratulations to you both! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Not a new thing, an old thing come back. My grandmother was among those who married a man who fled the Nazis coming at the beginning of WWII in Europe. My other great aunt was married by proxy, an actual stand in for her husband, in a judge's office, legal, because her groom got called up and shipped out with no notice ( sailor on leave to get married) and off to Korea. It happened to many people at the height of the polio epidemics of the fifties, no crowds allowed in some places. And the Vietnam War brought many a quickie marriage far from home. 2 of my uncle's. And all had a letter wedding, it huge because of finances, but topping a hundred . No showers, the custom became that those who did not get showers, got a housewarming shower after marriage, given by friends or aunts ( never mothers, then) when enough friends and family could be together. Mostly household things, a few recreational things for the couple ( cameras, luggage) that was much like a bridal shower. And bachelorette parties did not exist then, and no Bach parties happened associated with the delayed reception. But in the next year, couples were expected to entertain, it those days. Invite their friends, and go to friend's parties , and joint couple's vacations were more common then. Times have changed in many ways. But before people flew places much, til the mid 1960's, it was not uncommon for people to marry far away from all family. Then within the first year, visit the area where one or both families were, and have a reception . I think in times like this, people actually appreciate going through the traditional gatherings more when things get back to people getting out again. Something to look forward to, a symbol that life is returning to normal. People won't begrudge you having the great dress and veil. Or having all the trimmings except a bridal party. There, you may find people willing to stand by you. But not as willing to all dress alike, in expensive clothes they will never wear again, and that are exactly the same dress 4 other women they know have. I have had friends from when I was in the military, and family marry abroad. And that was the one sticking point everyone had at a postponed reception and vow renewal .
    Friends were happy to do formal, or dressy, but no one who asked a group to be with them could convince anyone to buy a gown matching any one else's. And men would all wear a grey suit, or a black one, or all in navy. But put there foot down at matching rentals, cummerbunds, or colored hankies. Or buying anything if they had a newish nice suit in a reasonable color. But then, somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of bridal parties do not do matchy-matchy clothes now at first weddings. And a lot of people's wallets will be strained by this. Buying 1 use dresses, or rarely used extra suits to match other women or men may not go over well in lots of weddings, for a while.
    • Reply
  • Dana
    Dedicated May 2020
    Dana ·
    • Flag

    I think with everything going on right now, for point #1 people are going to be very understanding about your plans. I think it's going to be pretty common for the next year or so, as those of us who were impacted by the coronavirus have to make changes to our original wedding plans.

    For Point #2, I think that everyone will just be so happy to celebrate with you, and you'll be so happy to have made it to that point it won't feel diminished.

    For point #3, I'd say that's up to you. If you want to have the parties with your friends, I'd say go for it. Some people might send you gifts after the courthouse wedding, and skip bridal shower gifts because they might think you're actually already married. But again, everyone knows what's going on with the coronavirus and will be understanding. it's not like you just chose to do this to your wedding date

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