Couples getting married on August 20, 2022

You can’t have attire control. You can specify an attire but it doesn’t mean people are all gonna follow it exactly how you’d prefer it, unfortunately. Just enjoy their presence there with you. It’s also unreasonable of you to kick someone out just cause they’re not dressed up to the par you’d want, honestly. Wouldn’t you rather they be there to support your beautiful day than to fuss over what they’re wearing? Don’t get me wrong I totally see your view too because at my wedding I had people come in tshirts and jeans and they stuck out compared to everyone else in their semi formal attire. But at the end of the day I didn’t kick them out because it is what it is they’re here already and what they wore might have annoyed me but it’s not something to fixate on.

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I'm so worried about people sticking out and I'm such a control freak. It is frustrating that this is my biggest concern.

You've got two years, please don't work yourself up over this.

Many things can change between now and then, including what kind of wedding you want, and who gets invited.

In the end, though, being concerned more about what people wear, then if they come or not... is going to hurt you far more than *what they actually wear*.

Congrats on choosing your date! If you're worried about the heat and you have so much time would you consider changing the date? FH and I dislike extreme weather so we chose May. Other than that don't sweat the attire. There's gonna be so many other things you'll have to plan. You definitely want to enjoy your planning process and not get stressed. hope this makes sense lol

I agree with pps about everything mentioned so far. Also, just in case you (or readers of this post) are not aware, "Black Tie" refers to an entire (extremely high) level of hosting, not just what the couple wants guests to wear. True Black Tie means a very high-end venue, a full multi-course plated meal (with selections available to guests at the time of serving, not check boxes on an RSVP), white glove service, a full live band, full premium served bar, valet service, invitations and other stationery are high-end engraved and extremely formal (no photos, flowers, etc.), etc. If you are hosting a Black Tie event, then the invitations/venue/etc. will help convey that to your guests. If it's not truly a Black Tie event, then the couple will likely irritate guests by telling them they must dress like it is when in fact it is a less formal event. Daughter and SIL described their wedding on the website (except for a truly Black Tie event the dress code is never on the invitation) as "semi-formal or cocktail attire." The venue also had a dress code, so they included the key parts of that on the website as well. Out of 100 guests, they only had one man attend wearing inappropriate clothing. They never considered kicking him out, because they wouldn't do that -- and, honestly, the day of they never noticed what he or anyone else was wearing.

If you're having black tie attire, are you having the event to match? The weather shouldn't be an issue if the event takes place in a comfortable, fully temperature controlled venue.

I gotta say kicking out guests because they didn't dress formal enough doesn't speak well to your priorities...it sounds like you care more about photos and aesthetics than the actual people you are inviting. Will you really be kicking out any guy that shows up in a nice suit but doesn't have a tuxedo? And are you making it clear what "black tie" means on your website, because frankly for women the difference between black tie, formal, and semi-formal can be negligible/tricky.

View Quoted Comment I am an odd one. I am having a formal wedding 1920's era so I want guests to come in that type of attire. I just don't want people sticking out because I do know quite a few people in my family world shame them for their inability to read the invitation. I am a terrible human sometimes but I try to mean well.

It's fairly common to have a "theme" for a wedding and the wedding party can dress according to the theme. Beyond that, it's appropriate -- on the wedding website -- to let people know they are welcome to dress for the theme, but I don't think you can really require people to do so (and if you attempt to, I'm not sure how you enforce it short of denying people entrance and that will potentially create lots of long term social problems for you and FH). When you were talking about having a "Black Tie" wedding, that generally requires men to wear a tuxedo and women to wear a formal long gown. For a lot of guests that alone would be a big, expensive "ask," but like I explained in my pp they'd understand that you were hosting a very formal, high-end event. Expecting people to dress in 1920's style formal wear is more like having a costume party, and I'd guess if guests choose to dress for the theme they'll likely need to rent or purchase a costume rather than buy or rent more readily available formalwear. The fact that you believe you have family members who would "shame" guests for not complying is very troubling. Personally, I'd think a lot about your (and your family's?) expectations. Maybe it's just the way you're explaining it, but it sounds like your "vision" and photos are more important than being surrounded by people who care about you, who you've described as "very informal people."

Sometimes being a "control freak" can cross a line into just being plain rude. The good news is if your date is correct you have nearly two years until the wedding, so you have plenty of time to think about the pros and cons of your ideas before you commit to anything.

I'm struggling to see the connection between the summer heat and guests dressing appropriately for a black tie wedding. Black tie weddings are held indoors at temperature controlled fancy venues.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it

View Quoted Comment Exactly we're going to have it indoors and I know some people that would complain about the heat the fact that they have to walk 2 minutes to get inside the venue

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I just saw your other comment about wanting a 1920s theme. You can certainly ask guests to dress in this theme, but these things aren't really enforceable. You can't ask guests to wear black tie attire if you're not holding a black tie wedding

Date twins!! Mine is off the coast of Maine so I have the sea breeze. I’m still nervous though because my fiancé is a sweater and if it’s above 70 he’s sweating. A lot of people will do be as well! Is your venue inside or outside??

Hey I'm Nickey I'm newly Engaged 💍😊and I'm also getting Married on 8/20/2022 . I've already booked my venue

I said yes to the dress..

Hi All,

I'm Lu and I too am finally taking the wedding plunge on 8/20/22! I am having a country club evening wedding. I am having a hard time choose and sticking with a color scheme. I have a champagne color dress but can't decide if I want Champagne, black, dusty rose and burgundy or Champagne, navy dusty rose and burgundy. Any suggestions or ideas?