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Amanda
Beginner March 2023

Confused

Amanda, on October 25, 2019 at 3:04 PM Posted in Planning 0 26
I'm engaged and we told our families but ever since we got engaged noone really wants to help. i know it's three years away because we have to save up because our families aren't paying for it. I'm highly thinking about eloping without family and just the two of us now. My fh is the only one helping me plan our wedding and it seems like I'm annoying him with all the wedding stuff.

26 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on October 26, 2019 at 11:48 AM
  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2021
    Natalie ·
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    It can be tricky to get family to help with the planning. I would suggest maybe asking for help with specific tasks. For example, you could ask someone "can you help me look for venues?" or send them a list of a few venues you like and ask for their opinion. Some people want to help but aren't sure how.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If your wedding is still three years away, what would people be helping with at this point? And whether you feel like you’re annoying your FH or not, it’s his wedding too so he should be helping plan it.
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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    The only people responsible for planning your wedding are you and your FH. Anyone else volunteering is just a bonus, they aren't required to do that. As PP said, your wedding is three years away, so what would they even be able to help you with if they wanted to? There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to elope, but I think it's a little silly to consider eloping just for the sake of excluding your family because they haven't offered to help plan your wedding that's three years away.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Being 3 years away from your wedding date is most likely why people are not super eager to help. How far in the planning process are you? This far out, you can't do a whole lot. So many people may think they can't do a lot for you. Once you get closer to your wedding date, I think you may find people will start becoming more excited and more eager to assist you with things. That being said, always remember you will be more excited and anxious about planning your own wedding than anyone else ever will be. Good luck!

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  • Jessie
    Devoted September 2020
    Jessie ·
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    The only people responsible for a wedding are the bride and groom. Anything else is a gift. Plus, it is far away. Once it's like a year away, that's when the planning will really start. Maybe people will help then.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    All of this.
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    1. Only you and your FI are responsible for planning. You really can't ask anyone else, although you can accept if they volunteer.

    2. To avoid annoying your FI with all the wedding stuff, the two of you need to sit down and discuss who is responsible for what -- and he should be responsible for at least half of it. At that point, you don't need to consult him on every detail of your part of the planning, just on major decisions that you think would either affect his part or would be really important to him.

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  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
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    You are responsible not your family. If you want to elope than do that. My parents paid for my dress and that’s it, my wedding was around $20,000 And my now husband and I took care of all the paying and planning on our own.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I honestly don't even know what you have to plan at this point. The wedding is still three years away so there really isn't much planning you can do at this point. My guess is your family isn't helping right now because of how far away it is and your fiance is probably not ready to start planning yet. I know you excited, but I would wait on planning too far ahead because your visions may change a lot during that time period. The only real planning I would do at this point is determine how much you want to spend so you know how much you need to save. Also, like other people have mentioned it really is only your fiance and yours responsible to plan your wedding.
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  • Jocelyn
    Devoted December 2019
    Jocelyn ·
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    I would say much of the planning should be started after the two year & less mark because by then you should start getting ideas for the venue you want,photographer, cake, dj and everything else involved. Maybe spend the first year just saving money and looking up ideas on what you like for your wedding. Then once you hit pass the 2 year and less mark start talking to your family and maybe included them in dress visit, venue visit and that may jump start them helping.(if you even want it, because more opinions is more problems to be honest.) Give it time you are still a ways to go till the wedding. Start figuring out budget to be honest in the mean time and once you find that out start the figure out the guest list. Things start to add up when you have a certain amount of guest. You guys still have plenty of time, take it slow and give your family time. They probably just think there's still so much time left to start the planning. Get a binder to start organizing your wants, buy a wedding book, start looking at pinterest for ideas. Look into local vendors while you have time to see what your cost may be a head of time to figure out what kind of wedding you want have.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    What exactly do you need help with 3 years in advance?
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    You may find out later that people don't get as excited as you hope or thought they'd be
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  • Shalom
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Shalom ·
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    I feel we're in the same boat with that. No one in my family has reached out even to see how plans are going or anything. Its very frustrating. We aren't asking for money or anything but just a thoughtful insight to how plans are going would be nice. I am lucky to have wonderful friends and that is who i chose to share the detail with.


    Shalom

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  • Amanda
    Beginner March 2023
    Amanda ·
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    Thanks so much for all the good feedback. I really appreciate it.
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  • Amanda
    Beginner March 2023
    Amanda ·
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    I don't want to pressure them since it's still awhile ways away. I aso feel that they should be excited along with me though.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I have a feeling the hesitancy of help probably comes due to the fact that your wedding is still 3 years away. It’s sooooooo early to be planning. Usually people don’t get excited about an event until it is closer. My FH and I decided to have a 2 year engagement, and after the initial announcement my mom didn’t really get into planning until about the one year mark. I’m sure people think it is just too early to start planning now. And that you have so much time to change your mind before now and then. I would say be patient and focus on saving money for the next year, maybe year and a half, THEN really start the planning. Trust me, if you plan now, you are going to change your mind on things a million times between now and the wedding!
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  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
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    The only people that should be planning your wedding are you and your fiancé. Anyone else’s help is a bonus. You’re also 3 years out! Even if you were my sister or best friend I don’t think I’d help you plan 3 years out! Keep in mind everyone else has their own lives too. Your wedding in 3 years is probably not your friends or even families top priority right now
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  • L
    Super August 2023
    Lunajay ·
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    I was in the same situation as you and I wonder the same questions you're wondering now like why aren't people so eager to help me why is my FH not seeming so interested but it's only because the waiting is so far away when it gets down to a year or even a year-and-a-half that's when a lot more people might start jumping in to help and you'll be able to start setting up meetings with vendors. Most vendors won't even see you until you're at least a year and a half out from your wedding date so just give it some time. You can go ahead and plan the small details about your wedding, that's what I did, so start getting your ideas out for your decor your flower is your dress and all that. I started following a wedding planner on YouTube Jamie Wolfer (shes amazing) so I can get more help from a wedding planners point of view since I'm not hiring one. Hope this helps.

    Best Wishes and Congratulations
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  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    I totally get where you're coming from. My family wasn't nearly as excited as I wanted/expected. So many of my fiance's family, even people from overseas, sent us cards, and not a single one from my family. Of course no one has to, it's just a nice thing, but seeing his family step up and be so excited and mine just not... Not what I expected. So I sympathize.
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  • Lisa Marie
    Devoted October 2020
    Lisa Marie ·
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    Probably because it’s so far away. You can’t really do too much planning this far in advance. My wedding is in a little over 11 months and my family hasn’t seemed excited yet. But I’m sure come the 2 year, 1 year, 6 months mark things will be more exciting. Give it some time.
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