Confused & Heartbroken

I should also add his aunt came over to his parents and told him a bunch of lies and how I don’t love him or want to marry him. He told me to move my things out of the house immediately after she left, so I did. I was completely blindsided by all of this because to my knowledge we both made a decision together to postpone and both families were okay with it. I’ve begged him to hang out and he says he needs time. I’m not sure if it’s because of everything his family has said about me or what. Although he did say I can come over tonight and we can talk.

Honestly, if the person I was married was so easily swayed to believe I didn’t love them or want to marry them that they kicked me out by people outside of our relationship, I don’t know how much effort I would want to put into making it work. I would speak to him and find out what’s really going on, but I don’t think it’s ok for him to agree to postpone and then make you leave because a few family members said you don’t love him.

Obviously you don’t need this added stress with everything else going on, I’m sorry! I can’t imagine his hurt you’re feeling. I agree with the PP that he shouldn’t have kicked you out or been so easily led by his family, but I would suggest couples counseling and/or premarital counseling if this is something you both still want to make work. If this is how he deals with turmoil now, being married won’t suddenly change that and things won’t always be sunshine. Hopefully you can talk and get to the root of why he’s second guessing. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Sarah

Yikes, really sorry to hear :/ It bothers me reading this because your fiance seems to be listening to his family rather than to what he wants and at the same time ignoring your position and feelings. It really shouldn't be a question if you both love each other. His family could be mad about other things, like if they paid for things or just not liking you or the spin your fiance told them about postponing. I wouldn't pay attention to them, I don't think the family has any right to interfere or make you uncomfortable.

I agree with the previous poster. I would continue to give the time he says he needs, and re-evaluate what you want in the meanwhile. I hope if you two talk that it goes well. Personally, I too would be weary about marrying someone whose behaviour reflects that he either: a) doesn't believe you, b) doesn't understand that postponing the wedding doesn't equate a lack of love but a desire to start a new life together free of certain anxieties.

Give it time. Focus on your tests like you needed to do. While you do that, continue to try to work things out with him. Maybe get a coffee and study together or go out for lunch together. Try to keep dating him.

If the wedding is postponed, then it's postponed and there is no sense in worrying about it. He will come around if it's meant to be. If these are red flags, and it sounds like they are, take it slow. This is for the best in the long run. Give it time.

I am really really sorry to hear about this!
I think you dodged a bullet. It's one thing for a man to have doubts because his family is getting into his head and his is stressed due to tests, but he kicked you out?? Huge red flag. You need to consider whether this relationship is worth salvaging. He is being not only unreasonable, but petty and cruel.
Breakups can be the hardest, but better to see his true colors now.

View Quoted Comment I agree!!! There has to be something else going on.. talk to him away from his family and find out the truth!!

I also have not heard from him today..

Hi So sorry to hear about this. :/. The time between engaged is so intense. It is like the relationship before was so easy, because there was non seriousness of the future just yet. Just when it gets real fights happen and high expectations happen. At least that is for me :/ So hard to get through. I would be just as upset as you if someone outside the relationship did the same thing. I really hope you get down what is really going on and communication goes well.

Oh wow. Well this may be hard to hear but you need to listen to your instinct on this one. From what you have told us it sounds like he is pulling away. When you two mutually decided to postpone who initiated the conversation? I find it strange that after the 3+ years that you've been together and 2 weeks away from getting married that he could just turn cold like that. His family is out of line for sure. Someone is putting a buzz in his ear and he is listening. You are doing all that you can to "talk". If he doesn't come around then you should step away and focus on you. I hope for the best for you!

If he was truly committed, no words from any other person could sway him. It sounds to me like he didn't really want to get married, and now is using this as his exit. I'm 47 years old. I was married for 20 years, and now I'm engaged to get married next year. It is life experience that has taught me this one true fact about men:

When a man is in love, he does not leave.

That is a plain, honest, straightforward fact. A man who is deeply in love will climb mountains and change his life plans to be with the woman he loves. He'll reject anyone who tries to step between himself and the woman he loves. His one goal in life is to make the woman he loves happy.

If you are not loved that way, this separation will end up being a blessing in disguise. Don't chase him. See what he decides. Find out how much he really loves you. Will he let you drift away, or will he fight for you?

View Quoted Comment Wow... Don't marry or date this guy. If it's not his family, there is someone else. He is not acting like someone who really loves you at all. Good luck and take care of yourself.

View Quoted Comment I initiated the conversation because I was having major anxiety about a huge wedding and with school and just wanted to go to the courthouse or run off and get married just the two of us. After we postponed it, we both felt relieved and were fine until his family turned on me a few days before the wedding was supposed to be and got in his head. He doesn’t want to be with me now. He said we can’t be together right now.

I have also tried reaching out to his family and they have ignored me. He asked his mother to come talk to us and she refused. I’m not sure what I did wrong other than make an adult decision with my partner. And his family is mad all of a sudden.

Between exams, his feelings about his wedding date coming and going and family drama, his head is not in a great place right now. But, of course, so is yours. You're going through the same type of stress, and he is treating you poorly. He needs to get himself straightened out before the two of you move forward.

Don't let him, or anyone else, make you feel like less for your joint decision. Don't let them gaslight you either. I suggest you let him know you're giving him space, and do just that. But not for just him, out of respect for you. You do not need to grovel.

View Quoted Comment I told him this morning that I was going to the beach for a few days to get away and that i would give him space during that time. He told me to relax and enjoy myself and that we could talk when I get back. He still tells me he loves me and cares about me. I’m just confused.

View Quoted Comment

Hopefully, by the time you're back he'll be less confused and tell you where he's at - that should at least help you be less confused. Either way, enjoy the beach!

View Quoted Comment

Ugh. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. His family is just awful to get into your relationship. Look at the end of the day if you two were meant to be it will happy and no one will be able to stop it. Enjoy your beach time and hopefully you two will talk, the confusion will abate, and you two can move forward on your own schedule and without "outside" interference. Wishing you the very best!

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds all kinds of messed up.

I was with a guy whose family were like this. His mum never liked me, and his nan was fickle as anything. One day would be fine, then his nan would go on a rant about something or other, and would be threatening to kick us out of the flat (which she owned). She got nasty with me one time because I wouldn't accept a valuable piece of jewellery that she wanted to give me.

I eventually accepted it because I was sick of arguing, but wrapped it up and hid it in a drawer. I never wore it, and I was glad to be able to give it back when we inevitably broke up.

I agree with what others have said. If he truly loved and cared about you, he could never throw you out of your home. Especially when you haven't done anything wrong.

It sounds to me like the judge and jury have been in session, and you've been found guilty. My ex's family made countless claims about me, from me being a golddigger to being in love with another ex who I hadn't seen in years! My health is so much better now for no longer having those kind of people in my life.

I think in terms of going forward with this relationship, you may need to ask yourself some tough questions.