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Savvy October 2020

Conflicted wedding dates

Melissa, on May 1, 2019 at 5:00 PM Posted in Planning 0 35

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Help! I don’t know what to do. We just booked our venue this last weekend and put our down payment down. My fiancé found out today that a good friend from college pushed his wedding back one year..to the same exact date that we booked. They asked us to change our date because they have mutual college friends. I don’t know the details why they pushed theirs back a year. But they have things booked too. We haven’t asked our bridal party yet to be part of the wedding but someone he was going to ask is also in this wedding. It’s Memorial Day weekend. We are asking guests to travel so that’s a big reason why we chose it. Fiancé says we don’t need to change our weekend but we could consider changing from Saturday to Sunday... would that even make a difference? The cities are 3 hours apart.. theirs in Georgia and ours in Asheville, NC. Would friends even make it to both? I’m afraid if we do, they might drink too much the night before and then decide not to come to ours the next day and then we’d be out money and they still wouldn’t be there which is why we would change in the first place. I don’t know what to do!

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Latest activity by Julie, on May 2, 2019 at 8:53 AM

Master August 2019
Allie · on May 1, 2019 at 5:12 PM
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That is complicated, but I wouldn't want to change my date depending on how many people it is going to affect. How many people would be coming to both weddings? How important are they to you?
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 1, 2019 at 5:12 PM
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Oh no.. This is a tough one If they are really good friends and share mutual friends then you may have to move it. So sorry girl!
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Devoted June 2019
Jazz · on May 1, 2019 at 5:16 PM
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I think Sunday should be fine since most people will be off Monday! I would just consider doing a late afternoon wedding and not anything In the morning since you said they’re 3 hours apart
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Savvy October 2020
Melissa · on May 1, 2019 at 5:16 PM
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What I am upset about is that they didn’t even tell us... he got an invitation and everything and then found out from someone else that they moved it and somehow forgot to let him know. Is it still fair for them to ask us to change ours since they were the ones that changed their plans first without telling us?
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Super May 2019
Kiki · on May 1, 2019 at 5:18 PM
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You may have to move it depending on how important the mutual friends are moving just one day won't be good enough like you said people will drink too much and skip out on yours. Last minute mostly too, I wouldn't risk it I would move it to the following month.
Personally I hate when people have wedding on long weekends and unless its someone I'm super close to I'll never attend traveling is always an issue on a long weekend.
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Devoted July 2019
Rayna · on May 1, 2019 at 5:19 PM
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I don’t think you should change. They’ve already pushed back once without explanation and there’s no way to know that they won’t do it again. They should’ve given everyone notice.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on May 1, 2019 at 5:21 PM
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This is exactly what I was going to say. It’d be pretty bad if you went through all this and changed your date, only for them to postpone again! They seem undependable, and they should’ve told you their new date if they cared about you not picking that date too!

Theyve changed their date once already, they can change it again
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Devoted June 2019
Jazz · on May 1, 2019 at 5:24 PM
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Yeah okay that’s weird. I wasn’t aware that you guys had already received invitations from them with their original date. Weird that they hadn’t announced that.
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 1, 2019 at 5:33 PM
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FH and I are pretty introverted and don't have a ton of good friends, I probably wouldn't change the date, but you may be nicer than I Could you do Friday? Haha that way they won't get too drunk the night before for yours
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on May 1, 2019 at 5:38 PM
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I think it depends on who (not how many) you think would attend their wedding vs. yours. It does sound like you are not as far along on the planning, but what you could do, if you haven't already, is make your guest list, highlight those who will be invited to both weddings. If you can't imagine getting married without any of those people in attendance, call them and ask them if they would plan to attend the other couples over yours. This could help you make the decision. I think moving to a different night that same weekend won't make much of a difference.
Honestly it doesn't sound like this other couple values you all as friends as much as you value them. The fact that you are even considering moving your date because it conflicts with theirs... when they had to have known you were starting to plan and think of dates but didn't even tell you beforehand, and it sounds like they forgot to even tell you?
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Super September 2019
Iva · on May 1, 2019 at 5:38 PM
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I don’t think it’s fair for them to ask you to move your date, if they changed their date abruptly & without a notice. Also, would you lose your deposit? If yes, I wouldn’t even consider it.

Two weddings on the same weekend with lots of shared friends is tough. If it was me, I would make sure I make it to both (if they were one day apart), if they were close friends. But not all people probably will be able to pull that off. How many shared friends would be affected & how important is their presence to you?

My question is: if you guys are close to this other couple, how come they didn’t know your date or didn’t let you know they are changing theirs, especially if they know what season you are getting married in? All our close friends knew our date even before we booked the venue 😆 And if you’re not that close, then again, I don’t think asking you to change your date is fair 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Expert June 2019
Grace · on May 1, 2019 at 5:38 PM
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I agree with everyone and don’t think you should change it. How do they really have that much stuff booked if they just changed their date? I wouldn’t worry about it. If you do feel like you need to change I would check in your venue contract though bc we had 10 days to get our deposit back if we changed our mind. So if you did decide to change maybe you could get your money back!
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 1, 2019 at 5:40 PM
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Such good advice 👏
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on May 1, 2019 at 5:43 PM
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If you want to change it, go ahead.

As a word of caution, my future siblings in law had their wedding Memorial Day weekend a couple years ago.

They had about a 20% turnout rate due to it being Memorial Day weekend.

If I were you, I'd change it. But that's just because I've seen the same holiday weekend wedding fizzle.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on May 1, 2019 at 5:48 PM
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They've already sent out invitations with a different date. If they haven't sent announcements to all of their guests about the change, they probably haven't officially changed it yet. They would need to get approval from all of the vendors they've booked, or give up their deposits... which means they either haven't officially changed yet or they just haven't really booked all of their vendors yet. They didn't even send out notices to their guests. They don't "have dibs" on the date.
I'd keep my date and tell them the venue is already booked and the deposit has been made. If they are choosing to change their date, perhaps they would like to change to Sunday.
On another note: Get your "Save the Dates" out ASAP. It's a holiday weekend so people will plan vacations in advance. Let them know you will be having a wedding that weekend.
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Just Said Yes May 2019
Natasha · on May 1, 2019 at 5:49 PM
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It's you're wedding day. If you want it on a certain day, do it!!! No one should ask you to change the date, that's not polite.
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Devoted October 2019
Lauren · on May 1, 2019 at 5:51 PM
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No way would I change my date.
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Devoted October 2019
Lauren · on May 1, 2019 at 5:52 PM
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So rude they asked you to change!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on May 1, 2019 at 6:09 PM
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you all. Them not telling you seems...sneaky? I feel I need to input this one bit of advice. If these people, guests and or wedding party members, love you guys, then they will be at your wedding. They are adults and should be responsible enough to know that they can't get trashed at another wedding the night before. I personally think it's in bad taste to get inebriated at a wedding. I wish you the best!!
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on May 1, 2019 at 6:16 PM
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Yay for Asheville I’m getting married there too! I probably wouldn’t move my date but I don’t think it’d be a big deal to move it to Sunday.
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Conflicted wedding dates

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