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Rockstar July 2019

Concerned for my co-worker

Veronica, on November 12, 2019 at 1:20 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

I am concerned about my coworker because she told her boyfriend last week they are getting married. They have been together for almost 6 years. During that time, he has never proposed. He has also told her he doesn't want a wedding and that he wouldn't marry her unless they had children. They have...

I am concerned about my coworker because she told her boyfriend last week they are getting married. They have been together for almost 6 years. During that time, he has never proposed. He has also told her he doesn't want a wedding and that he wouldn't marry her unless they had children. They have been trying for 2+ years to have a baby, but she is having some female problems. He also refuses to adoption even though she would love to. He has expressed concern that he wouldn't love the child as much as he would love his own biological children. She disagrees because he loves his ex's child who isn't biologically related to him and often spends time with the child. He has also told her that if they ever were to get married he would only get married at a courthouse because he doesn't like crowds and doesn't want to be the center of attention. To me, he seems very manipulative. So last week she sent him two dates June 6, 2020 and October 10, 2020 and said for him to pick one because that's when they are getting married. He picked one, but asked her what happens if he doesn't propose by then. She told him she doesn't care because that's when they are getting married. She has been engaged two prior times so she doesn't really care if they ever get engaged she just wants to get married. She also told me about a fight they had about a month ago where he was commenting inappropriately on a friend of his Facebook page. He didn't think she would see because that friend has her blocked on Facebook, but a mutual friend saw his comment and told my coworker about it. I am very concerned that she is going to end up hurt by this guy. She is so excited and so is her family. She has been asking me for a ton of advice since I just got married in July. I am hesitant to give any advice because of everything she has told me, but I also don't want to cause any problems. We work in a small office and it is normally just the two of us so I don't want to cause any issues as I am already concerned she is going to be upset if/when I get pregnant since we are trying to have a baby and it is a sore subject for her. Should I just keep my mouth stuff or give her limited advice?

27 Comments

  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    According to her, he doesn't want to be married unless they can have children and she is having fertility issues. They have gone through some rounds of treatment, but I don't think it has helped. She has also made comments about it being her house so I'm wondering if she is the only one that actually owns it. Her grandmother lives with them and gave them money for the house so I'm not if she owns the house with my coworker or what that situation is exactly. She has also said she handles all of the bills. I don't think I will say anything, but when she asks for advice I might just give as little as possible since I think this is a terrible idea.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    This woman is banana balls. Unfortunately, it sounds like she wants what she wants and doesn’t care how she gets it. Avoid wedding talk with her, if she presses give her limited advice. You kinda need to let her hit the floor on her own :/
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    On some level she has to know because she is the one that told me all of this otherwise I wouldn't know. She was saying before she left how she isn't sure how she is going to tell him she wants a wedding party. He doesn't find any of this stuff necessary and she refuses to have an uneven wedding party. She looked at me like I had two heads when I suggested that she just have bridesmaids rather than forcing him to have groomsmen. She also told her mom they weren't sending out save the dates yet because he would have a heart attack if they did. She went to look at a venue over the weekend with her dad because the boyfriend doesn't want to go. It is so sad because there are so many red flags and she is choosing to ignore all of them.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I will definitely have to. I just feel so bad for her because I think she is going to end up hurt.
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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Are you serious?! She went with her dad to look at venues!? AND she told her mom they aren't sending STDs cause her boyfriend will have a heart attack? I wonder if her parents are seeing the red flags too. She should be going with her boyfriend to look at the venues together, not take her dad.

    Honestly, she's not willing to see all of the signs in front of her. So sad because she's going to get hurt...

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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    She doesn't want to send them yet, but it would be too early. However, she told her mom she didn't want to send them because it would give him a heart attack. Yes, she seriously went with her dad to look at venues because the boyfriend doesn't care. I don't know the parents or her sisters, but I would think they would have to see the red flags. I know I do.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    In the absence of actual abuse, you cannot save people who make persistent bad choices when it comes to mates. They end up rejecting
    you for interfering and cling more to the person you think bad for them. No way to do it unless you are willing to leave your job, when things blow up. Just 2 of you working together could become impossible.
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