Complete Breakdown Over Missing My Mother

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I lost my mother almost four years ago and, like you, I am having a lot of trouble (panic attacks, random bouts of depression, withdrawing from friends) facing the fact that I'll be getting married without her. It'll be my first "life event" that I didn't have her to lean on and it doesn't help that my "father" is a waste of skin. It's hard but I know that she wouldn't want me to spend this time sad and stressed out so I'm trying hard to put a happy face on (which adds more stress). We can do this!

I'm sorry you're struggling with grief right now. If it helps, I think this is a completely normal feeling to have, and it makes sense that you would miss her more around a big life event.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It might help to write her a letter. Just so you can articulate all of your feelings on paper.

I lost my mom in 2013 and every day is a struggle to get through without her but I get by. I know its going to be really hard on my wedding day b/c people wil bring it up and im going to be emotional as it is. There have been several times I have thought this isn't worth doing without her, if she isn't here why am i bothering? Im basicaly having a small ceremony and reception for FH, honestly if it were up to e id go to the JP in jeans and t shirt and be done with it because I can't imagine doing this without her by my side. But somehow we will get through this its what they would want for us!

@A.L. I just started crying thinking about doing that - I think that would help a lot. She died suddenly (I literally spoke to her the day before and she was fine), and there was so much I wanted to say to her that I never go to.

@catlady5x Thank you, I've read a few books to help process and I'm always looking for more. I will definitely read it, it's incredible how much stuff like that helps.

Lately I feel like I've been depending on FH too much - I felt bad just calling him at work today. My friends would be supportive, but I always worry that I'm imposing. My MOH recently moved out of state to start her first "real" job after finishing college, and she's been super stressed. My other bestie is planning a wedding herself - both her parents have passed and I'm worried bringing it up will just make her sad. Then of course I have another close friend, but he's transitioning FTM and has so much on his plate, how can I unload on him right now?

I am so, so, sorry... dear OP. I am choking on my tears. I normally try to avoid this type of threads because of it... I click on them once in a while, then end up teary-eyed...

I have no advice for you, because I don't do well with someone (close to me) death.. it hurts so much.

All I can do is - wish you the best of in everything that you do and tell you, that your mom is definitely watching over you, smiling and guiding you through. A big hug to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that she won't be there for your wedding.

I'm sorry we are all going through this. I have had bouts of depression surrounding this since I met FH cause, even though she's been gone nearly 9 years (I can't believe it's been that long), I just can't wrap my head around her never meeting him. It just doesn't make sense. Grief is a strange painful beast to live with.

Since starting to plan the wedding I've had to tell myself, out loud quite a bit, to stop thinking about her and how sad it's going to be to marry him without her there (and without my dad who I also lost, two years after my mom.) Anytime I think of it, I just start crying.

She was also my best friend, so it's kinda been a double whammy, no mom or best friend to drive crazy with wedding stuff. I essentially don't talk to anyone except FH about wedding plans, and it's a little sad.

I'm going to continue to try to think positively and just be in the moment and happy on my wedding day, but honestly I don't know how it's going to work out. I'm also sorry for making this all about me, jeez. If you think a letter will help you process, then by all means, do it! I hope we can all figure out how to navigate this with as little sadness as possible. For what it's worth, everything is going to be fabulous, you look stunning in that dress, and any jewelry you put on will be perfect!

I'm so sorry all of you without moms here are struggling with this. I'm sure it's very hard to not have your mom to lean on when you need her.

I am sorry for your loss! I lost my mother at the end of January and it was a very difficult time. It is hard sometimes to accept that she really is gone. I wish you all the best during this time.

I don't know if it makes me feel better or more sad knowing there are other people dealing with the same thing (probably a little bit of both).

@Jessi My mom only met FH once, very briefly. It kills me because I know she would have LOVED him - she hated most of my previous relationships. I wish she could have met my dog, too... she was obsessed with dogs. I bet she would have said, "Oh Beanie, she's your guardian angel" or something goofy like that...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, am in this horrible club. I have no advice other than to say that you are not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm doing this without my dad, my first big event without him. He was my rock, the one to guide me through family drama and B.S.. Doesn't help with the day to day decisions, but they are still in our hearts. I can close my eyes and clear my head and hear what he would tell me to do sometimes. Doesn't make it easier at all, I know. It totally sucks. Sending you hugs.

@SSJK I know, mine too. She would have been so happy to know that I finally did it right and found someone who actually loves me in all the right ways. I still can't believe she never met my dog, (even though I got him six months after she died cause I was so lonely I thought I might do something bad) let alone my FH or getting to see my son grow up (he was 9 when she passed and they were besties too, it was fucking heartbreaking watching him deal with losing her).

It's all just hard, but I think this is my favorite thing about this forum (aside from the awesome snarky AF memes lol), I can find others that are going through the same thing and we can all lean on each other and learn from each other. Hugs to you sweets, we will get through this!

I'm not going to pretend that I know what you are going through but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you!

@Jessi Yea, I'm really grateful to have this community - I don't always know what I'm talking about or give the best advice, but it's just a relief to talk to people dealing with all this wedding planning bollox.

Your wedding will be perfect, beautiful, and everything that you want. She is looking down and watching over you now and always will be. Your not alone in this. While it's true you can't have a conversation with her ir do the planning with her, but believe me she is there with you. Take a deep breath and trust your instincts. I, like pp, am sorry your going through this. We are here if you need support or to vent.

I'm so with you on this! I lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago. I have less then 4 months to go and it has gotten harder for me. I've cried my so much in the last month because I just want to pick up the phone and vent to her or ask her opinion. Planning the details on how I will be incorporating her has made it a bit easier for me. But I will still wish she were here. You will get through this. She is with you every step of the way!

I am so sorry you lost your mother! I lost my mom at the age of 9 and can totally identify with how you are feeling. Surround yourself with strong ladies either family or friends in parts of your wedding that your mom would be there for. She will always be with you even if it is in spirit. Someways I have been researching to include something of my mom in my wedding I have found things like incorporating a piece of her jewelry in the wedding, sewing her picture into your wedding dress, or if possible have a necklace with her ashes in it, another cool one I found was tucking a small picture into the flowers of your bouquet. Just some ideas to be able to remember her and make her feel present on the day of the wedding.