Communication

View Quoted Comment For a very long time, she wouldn't eat any vegs, almost no fruit (about once a month), and peanut butter was her primary protein source. When I mention eating everything on her plate, the amounts are not large. A tablespoon of corn kernels, 1 ounce of baked potato, and half a small chicken breast, for example. At almost 9, she can reasonably eat that without being past the point of being full.

View Quoted Comment We do ask her why she won't eat x,y,z. Pretty much till we're blue in the face. She won't have an answer or she'll tell us stuff like "it tastes green." We've talked to her teachers, school counselor, etc to see if she has told them anything. She hasn't.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the support. I really do just want what's best for her and I believe that a well-rounded diet is very important. She'll eat only white processed carbs and peanut butter if given the choice. I realise I wasn't clear about how big the servings are on her plate. I'm talking a tablespoon of whatever veg we're having. Not a huge amount. When I first started giving her vegetables, it was literally 1 kernel of corn and I have increased slowly from there over the past year. She just doesn't want to eat vegetables. It doesn't matter how much.

I think right now, we're just having some growing pains as the wedding gets closer. And we'll have more once we're all in the same house. We just need to continue communicating, so small things don't become big issues.

As other's have said, it sounds like you're making really good strides and trying very hard to find a middle ground. As the mom of a very picky eater, I understand the frustrations. And the pp who mentioned her texture issues is one I can VERY much relate to. That is a huge part of daughter's food pickiness -- to the point where we had to find a bakery that would custom-mix her frosting.... Anything "too slimy" (in her description) made her gag and she, quite reasonably, wanted to be able to eat and ENJOY her own wedding cake! Luckily, we found a small bakery that was very accommodating and made her a delicious cake that she thoroughly enjoyed! As you and others mentioned, as she grew up, we focused on understanding the health value of a balanced diet and the way I "picked my food battles" with her was that, over the course of a day, she needed to eat foods that covered all the food groups. Over time, she was willing to do that, and I let the rest go. To this day, she will NOT eat whole/raw fruit, but from the time she was in grade school LOVED a "juice shake" made with OJ, chunks of frozen bananas, and frozen strawberries.... It made no sense to me, but it worked for her.

I think your insight that some of this is related to "growing pains" as the wedding gets closer is very wise. There are a lot of changes coming in all of your lives, and she may be "digging in her heels" as a defense mechanism. With the wedding so close, I'd probably let the food stuff go for now, and revisit it again after you are all living together. Good luck to you! It sounds like you are well on your way to being an awesome parent.

View Quoted Comment I totally understand, if it helps I follow someone on Instagram “nicolecruzrd” and she posts about this stuff a lot with a lot of helpful advice for feeding kids. It sounds like you’re a wonderful mom and doing the best you can!

Unless you adopt the kid, you are not the mom. You are not responsible for the kid. If the mom is in the picture, dad may have a very real fear that the kid may not want to come over. It is a lot easier to be tough with a kid who is not yours.

As an adult, you have a right to discuss things with DH, and to make "house rules" -- like no shoes in bedroom. He gets to make parenting rules.

You and DH need family counseling.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your kind words! It's really great that your daughter was able to find a cake that she enjoyed. And I may give your "juice shake" a try. It sounds really good. I will try to do as you suggested and pick what "battles" are most important and let the others go.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for that info. I will look into her and see what she suggests. And thank you for your kind words!

View Quoted Comment Actually, I will be adopting her as her mother is deceased.

View Quoted Comment

Also, FWIW, for a while our daughter was obsessed with peanut butter -- lol! In fact, I once sent her to a week-long school camp with a giant jar of Jif and a big box of wheat thins (after giving the camp director a heads-up), so she might eat something over the course of the week.... It was bizarre, but, she survived. We went through all kinds of food-phases over the years; twice she decided to be a "vegetarian," but that really meant she'd only eat pizza or pasta.... To this day, she rarely eats foods "that touch" or those with multiple ingredients combined, and continues to have the texture issues that resulted in custom-mixed wedding cake frosting. At this point, she's in her mid-20's, happily married (to a man who eats pretty much ANYTHING). I'm nearly certain every day she eats a good balance of foods from all the food groups, and has maintained an ideal weight for 8-10 years. She's healthy and happy, so I don't think there were any major impacts from her "pickiness."

Over the years, I tried to work with her regarding the foods she was most likely to eat as long as she'd work with me on trying to eat a relatively balanced, healthy diet. However, whatever I made for dinner was the only option for the night; she could eat it or not, but the alternative wasn't filling up on junk food or dessert. (And, I grew up in a household where we were required to "clean our plates" of whatever was put in front of us, so I understand where you're coming from. However, I do remember sitting at the table, crying, as I tried to choke down green beans. To this day, I won't eat green beans EVER! ) Again, good luck!