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Super April 2021

Combine Shower and Wedding Thank Yous - Rude?

Tiger Bride, on April 19, 2021 at 8:59 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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I'm horrified to admit this, but we got a little behind on our shower thank-yous (it was mid-March) and since then we've received wedding gifts from some of the same people. Would it be rude to write a single note for both gifts? If we have to send separate ones, do they get sent at different times?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Hanna, on April 21, 2021 at 12:26 PM
  • Shelly
    Rockstar January 2022
    Shelly ·
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    I don't see why you can't just put it all on one card! That way they know you're grateful for the shower gifts, but that you've also received the wedding gifts as well!

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Write them ASAP. If people have sent you gifts ahead of your wedding I think it's ok to mention on the shower thank you as long as you get them out really quickly. ideally they would be separate.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    That was the goal, time just got away from me. The shower was mid March, my wedding was a week ago; in between there I had several work deadlines and a master's defense.

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  • E
    Expert July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    I don't think it is rude to include both in one card. Just make sure you specifically state each gift so you acknowledge that you received and appreciate both. (Instead of "thank you for the great gifts," you say "thank you for the immersion blender gifted at the bridal shower, and for the beautiful photo album given to us at the wedding.")

    Also, you have three months following the event to send the thank you cards, by modern etiquette standards. Of course you should get them out sooner when possible, but 1-3 months is standard because obviously you have a life and it didn't just suddenly halt because you had a wedding. You are well within a polite time limit.

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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    Don’t do this. It’s rude and lazy. Two gifts, two thank yous.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Can you help me understand exactly how this works logistically? Do I send both notes at the same time? Do I send a different style of card? (we got packs of Hallmark thank yous, they are all the same design)

    Not sure if this makes a difference, but none of these people actually attended the wedding (they were invited...did not go). The wedding gifts are checks we received in the mail.

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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    Ideally your shower thank yous should have been sent before the wedding happened. It doesn’t matter if the guests attended or not as the reception is the thank you for attending. Thank yous should only be sent for gifts. I would send a thank you note for all shower gifts ASAP. Then once those are out, send the wedding thank yous. You technically have a few months to send wedding thank yous so you can wait in between, but I wouldn’t wait longer than 2 months
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Again, I understand our shower thank yous should have gone out before the wedding. I just could not pull this off with a full time, high pressure job, a master's defense, and planning a cross country covid wedding without a coordinator in the 2.5 weeks between the shower and when we left for the wedding. I did my best, I just could not do it.

    We got back from our honeymoon late Sunday night and I've been writing thank yous since then. I'll pull the wedding ones and send those out a few days later.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Thank you Shelly! I did combine a couple - a relative sent me a shower gift and a wedding gift, both cash, within a few days - but I'm leaning toward sucking it up and doing separate ones so as not to offend. Everything happened so fast these last two months.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Start working, shower first mostly before wedding in the general order they were received. Mail out batches done every 2-3 days. Separate cards for each gift occasion.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I personally think that this would be rude. A shower and a wedding are two separate events, and deserve two separate thank you notes. Sending them 1 week apart or even a few days apart would be fine, but they really should be two separate thank you notes.

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