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Elizabeth
Super June 2021

College kids as adults for wedding invites

Elizabeth, on March 31, 2021 at 9:36 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 33

I think the problem is in the title, that I instinctively refer to people in college ages 18-22 as "kids" when they are, in fact, legal adults, as this is what people called me in college. They are students, I remind myself. But anyway, this has come up several time in my planning that parents of...

I think the problem is in the title, that I instinctively refer to people in college ages 18-22 as "kids" when they are, in fact, legal adults, as this is what people called me in college. They are students, I remind myself. But anyway, this has come up several time in my planning that parents of college students recommend or ask that I treat them as children for the purposes of invites. First, my FH's cousin is a college freshman and has a boyfriend. I was advised not to invite the boyfriend by her parents because "kids don't get to bring their boyfriends." I decided to invite her boyfriend anyway, so I texted them for her dorm address because I don't have her number and they said "oh just send the invite to the whole family at our house." I have since reached out for addresses for several other college guests, and all of the parents have said "Just send one invite for the family to the house" instead of sending invites to their dorms as individual adults. I also never got an individual invite to a wedding while in college.


Is this wrong? Should I insist on sending an individual invite to everyone over 18, or just let it go because this is what the parents asked for?

33 Comments

  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    When I was in college, invitations for family weddings went to my parents, not my dorm. At my college, we couldn't receive mail at our dorms anyway and the mail system was super unreliable to begin with. We had to go to the student center in order to pick up our mail, which was always very far away from the dorm I lived in. I think during my sophomore year I only checked my mailbox once per semester. Much safer to send to my parents!

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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    Glad you got it all settled! I am in college, 22, and wouldn't mind the invite being sent to family one bit! In fact, I still get my mail sent to my mom's house since FH and I are renting a house so all "official" mail goes to hers. I have a fear of the next renters getting my important mail lol.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I always had invites sent to my parent's house whether it was for the whole family or not, as the mail on a campus can be unreliable. I wouldn't have been offended at all if a couple sent one big invite for my family to one address.

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  • I
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
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    When I was 20, my cousin invited my whole family as a household, instead of giving me an individual invitation. My bf at the time (now my ex) was not invited. I didn't find either of these things odd or offensive.


    You should do whatever you think is right, but I think it's okay to let this one go.
    On the topic of college "kids", I graduated a year ago and can confirm, kids is 100% accurate even though we were legal adults. Maturity wise, there is virtually no difference between an 18 and a 17 year old.
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  • Chelsea
    Expert June 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    I was invited to a few weddings in college and almost all of them came to my parents' or my fiance's parents' house. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Plus, when I was in my college apartment, my mail situation was so shady.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    My daughter is 23 and rents and all her mail comes to me still. I send her pics of the mail and she gets annoyed and tells me to open it LOL.
    I think in our digital nomad ways right now, you’ find people in their 20s who still use the parents address as the “real” one.

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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    Totally!! My mom sends me pics too and I just say well what is it?! Open it! We are very close and I don’t want to forward my mail when I move so that is my “permanent” address (especially for important docs) since she doesn’t rent and I know until we buy a house everything is temporary 🙂
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    And of course she doesn’t mind when I say “It’s a bill...it’s not much, I’ll pay it” LOL
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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    Oh my gosh, you and my mom sound like peas in a pod!! Lol she is always doing small things like that, she will visit us every month (about 3 1/2 hours from her right now) and when we go anywhere if she sees that my gas tank is almost empty she will help fill it, she will look around our house and see if we are missing anything, in fact since we have rented in our house since September I have never bought detergent, she always picks me tidepods for me Smiley smile I love moms!!! Smiley heart

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Awwww! My mom and I had issues and let’s just say I was gone at 18 LOL
    I had always hoped I could have a good relationship with my kids. So far so good!
    They are kinda getting carried away with excitement for my wedding, it’s hilarious.
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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    That is so awesome, my mom has been single my entire life (I'm an only child too!) so I would love for her to find the right person, she is totally deserving and I would LOVE to help plan her wedding lol. Ditto for her having mom troubles, my Meme is great now but was a wild woman (my Papi was a stockbroker in downtown Denver, she always say imagine Wolf on Wallstreet) so they did not have the best relationship. She works hard to make sure we have the best relationship ever!! Sounds like you are the same way Smiley smile

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I work at a college. The great majority of college students are still financially dependent on their parents and even if they are legal adults, they aren't independent ones, nor are they ready to be independent of their families while still in college. Most of them will still use their parents address as their legal address. Unless a college student is living independently of their parents and financially on their own, or there is a significant family dynamic that leads you to believe sending separate invites is necessary, I think its 100% appropriate to send invitations to those adult children as part of the family to the family address. I don't feel a separate invitation is necessary just because they've legally aged into adulthood by existing on the earth for 18 years. If there are individuals who are independent of or estranged from their families, then I think it is appropriate to send a separate invitation.

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  • I
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
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    All great points!

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