Coed bridal shower payment

I think the people who are actually planning and throwing the party should pay. Did he help plan anything? Make any decisions on what they were spending? My mom and MOH planned for and paid for my shower. My BM lives out of state and wasn't involved and for sure wasn't asked to pay for a party she had nothing to do with.

He made it clear to the bride and groom that he wasn't attending and they were fine with that. As far particularly stating he wasn't contributing. I'm not for sure I'll have to have. This is literally going on as we speak. I'll include the messages.

And no he didn't plan anything at all. He couldn't even attend the bachelor party and the guy that put that together didn't ask him for anything

I feel like he gave plenty of time for them to know he was not going to be able to make it. I know when my cousin got married they had the bachelor party and invited my brother, last minute, like that day, to come even though he wasn't in the party or anything. Then in the middle of the party they tried to force him to pay like 250 for coming, even though when they invited him he asked if it cost anything and they said no. These things are tricky and uncomfortable.

Both sides did something wrong here to me. When they initially said they wanted him to chip in, your fh should have clarified and said no if he didn't want to. The way you write that they were "still" waiting on it says to me they asked and maybe your fh avoided it. But the organizers are also wrong to not have clarified it either and just assume he was ok with it.

That being said, it is not unusual for the wedding party to chip in for events they couldn't attend. It's not a requirement by any means, but happens quite frequently where I'm from

"I am sorry. We do not have that money right now and we were not aware that we would need to pay for the shower and never agreed to it. If you had asked before hand if we were able to pay we would have told you no earlier."

If he said he would chip in and cohost, not being able to attend doesn't free him from the cost of the party. He wasn't paying for his own ticket to an outing, so his comparison isn't fair. Unless a detail is missing, I think you guys owe them your portion.

@shakespearebride. That's ridiculous. I would politely excused myself from the event cuz that's not right.

@private_user832 yeah I don't think he clarified that he wasn't going to be pitching in. But like I said this is all happening now so I'm about to get more information

OMG. "No." NO is a complete sentence.

@futuremrscomo he didn't agree to chip or cohost. He didn't agree to anything. Once we got the invitation for the shower he let them know he wasn't going to be able to attend. Before the shower was even PLANNED and put into action he told hem he wasn't coming. Don't know if the message got back to the party but he did let the bride and groom know he wasn't coming.

Um they are wrong, there is no rule that the bridal party pays for the shower...they need to be directed to this forum and we will have no problem letting them know they are in the wrong.

@melissa h.

Thank you!!same thing I said. Just cuz he agreed to he in the wedding does not mean he can put in for everything ESPECIALLY something he didn't agree to and already said he wasn't attending! Like I ca already see there's going to be tension at some point in time but it's her brother asking about the money not the bride and groom.

If I were him I would say that the notice I gave saying I was not able to attend was also notice that I would not be able to help pay for the shower as well. He is not required to do anything, there is no rule other than the one they have made up.

It was wrong of them to just assume that he was going to contribute that amount of money without asking. However, if you weren't able/willing to pay that then you should have told them immediately after receiving the email. That email was sent on February 10th, and it's now March 24th. If you never told them that you couldn't pay that, then they just assumed you were going to.

Again, I don't think it was right of them to just tell you to pay that much without asking first, but you should have told them right away that you couldn't afford it.

ETA: clarity

Nope. I mean he should've responded right then but nope. That's an old "rule" and that's not how it works. Either they include everybody in the planning and everybody agrees on the cost of the party, and they're considerate of everybody's financial situation, or the bill is on the "planner." People can't throw parties and then send out bills for them. That's not how it works.

The shower hosts definitely should have asked all wedding party members beforehand if they were comfortable contributing to the shower and how much. You can't just assume everyone is cool with that cost!

Did your fiance not respond to that email from Feb 10th? He should have let them know right away! Also as a member of the wedding party it is a little different than RSVPing no to a party. Is he willing to contribute at all to the shower costs? In the past I've had other bridesmaids tell me a specific number they felt comfortable chipping in!

@mariah A he told her in January

Yikes.

I agree that whomever is demanding the money now was wrong to just assume everyone would pay for whatever party they decided on. The time to have that discussion would have been long before the planning took place.

BUT I also agree that your FH was in the wrong for not speaking up sooner. He should have immediately responded to that email making it very clear that he was not coming and he would not be contributing either.

At think point I think he should just pay the 150 bucks to avoid the drama. Neither side comes out smelling like a rose here.

The organizers should not have assumed everyone in the BP would contribute. If the BP was expected to pay the cost then ALL of the BP should have been involved in the decision making process. This would have provided an opportunity for people to say what, if anything, they are comfortable contributing.

That being said, FH should have explicitly stated that he was not attending nor contributing.

Since both parties are at fault FH should pay 1/2 (if he is comfortable with that) and provide an explanation that there is no rule add he did not consent but he is willing to split the difference. Or he can pay the full amount and let it go so there is no more drama around it.

I wouldn't pay any of it. They can not plan a party and then just assume that other people are going to be ok paying for it. It was their mistake for not contacting everyone first and asking if they were willing to help pay for party.