Cocktail vs. Black-tie & Invitations

This is a good question, and one I've been pondering myself. There are a fair number of my side who will think jeans and an ACDC shirt is appropriate no matter how formal my invitations look. I don't expect everyone to go out and buy a new suit, but I would like them to not look like crashers. Yes, I realize adults should be allowed to dress how they want, but I also think that as adults, we should know whats appropriate to wear when. I'm not going to bludgeon people over the head with a dress code, but I did say "cocktails, formal reception, and dancing to follow" so hopefully they have a clue that 'formal' should imply more than what's clean on laundry day.

Black tie optional is not a thing. It is a made up attire made by brides who don't want to shell out the money for black tie but still want their guests to shell out the money to dress formally.

Black-tie optional is 100000% a real thing. I've been to many weddings that were black-tie optional!

ETA: @OGLaura The couples at those weddings that I attended "shelled out the money" for a black-tie wedding - just made it black-tie optional

WWkatie - so explain what it is then? If something's optional, a guest could literally go in anything, also by that token any dress code some one puts is also black tie optional...

The weddings that I've been to were black-tie optional because the hosts did not want to require guests to purchase/rent a tux. It means that the groom/groomsmen will be wearing tuxes, so it is appropriate if a guest would like to, but that it is not a requirement.

It means that the formality level is there, but not required. If a wedding was not black-tie or black-tie optional, it would be inappropriate for a guest to wear a tux / be more formal than the bride/groom or bridal party.

@WWKatie - yes the feel of the reception is formal and it's at a 4-star hotel in a really nice area. The hotel has a rooftop venue that is really nice and open. I am having plated dinner, but I doubt the servers will be wearing white gloves.

The invites will be on white cotton, we won't have a live band, we are covering valet for guests and we'll have top shelf open bar for only 2-hrs, then premium wine and beer the rest of the night.

FH and my father are wearing tuxes. We don't have a wedding party.

@crystal - with a limited bar I'm going with your event is not on nearly the same page as a black tie event. I'm sure that your guests can gather the formality from your venue and invitations. If they really want to know they will ask.

Great thanks everyone!

@Crystal Hmm it doesn't sound like a black-tie wedding, but you can always list the attire on your website (not invitation since it's not black-tie) as semi-formal!

I was just going to slip in the "semi-formal" somewhere on the website. I think that, plus word of mouth, is a good way to communicate that.

It is weird that FH is wearing a tux then, if no one else is in a tux? He is pretty insistent on the tux.

Nope! I've been to a ton of weddings where only the groom or groomsmen and family are in tuxes!

Http://www.colincowieweddings.com/planning/why-black-tie-will-never-die

Outlines some of the expectations

You are not having a black tie wedding.

WWKatie, WWLynnie, no. Black Tie is Black Tie, it IS a thing. Black Tie Optional is made up. If you have a fancy ass wedding but don't care if people wear truly black tie, then it will be reflected by invites and guests will figure it out. You do not put attire on the invites unless it is black tie.

I usually steer clear of these things, but this is just totally incorrect.

http://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/news/a2508/how-to-decode-a-black-tie-invitation/

Here is an article from Emily Post outlining dress codes including Black Tie Optional:

http://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie/

One from Martha Stewart:

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/228438/wedding-guest-attire#144361

Brides.com:

http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/04/wedding-dress-code-explained.html

I'm having a black tie wedding and will be indicating this on both the invitation and website. On the invitation, I plan to have it in the lower left or right corner. It will say Black Tie. Hope that's helpful for you.

Cocktail - less formal, black tie - dark suit/tux for men, long gowns for women is what I'm expecting. If it veers from that for some guests that's fine, I just would prefer that between my website, save the dates, and invitations, folks get the hint about how formal it is.

*edited

WWKatie, that article also listed "creative black tie". Whaaaat.

The reason "black tie optional" is not a real thing is because even at a black tie wedding, wearing black tie is already optional. Unless your venue has a dress code and will literally not let people in unless they're wearing floor length gowns and tuxes, it's already optional.

Black tie optional is ridiculous. The reason - it confuses the hell out of people! You will have your guests wondering what they should wear - should I rent a tux or no? Should I go out and buy an expensive, floor-length gown? Inevitably, there are 3 or 4 guests who actually show up in black tie and they feel over-dressed and out of place because the other 175 guests didn't bother and simply wore the suit / dress they wear to EVERY other wedding.

Just because others have been invited to "black tie optional" weddings does not mean it is helpful or appropriate to put on an invitation.

Unless you are truly having a black tie wedding, do not mention attire on the invitation. Guests take their cues from the venue, the invitation and the time of the wedding. If they still don't know, they may ask you and you can make suggestions. But in general, adults know how to dress for weddings.

Black tie optional is not only dumb but unenforceable. Let people wear what they want. Most people don't see renting a tux or spending hundreds of bucks on a gown to meet YOUR expectations as a great call.

You're not Audrey Hepburn and I bet you don't have Lester Lanin and 14 other musicians playing for your wedding. And having guys in tuxes makes zero difference to how great a party it will be.