Cocktail Attire Advie

Yes, it is. Unfortunately people will dress how they want to regardless of passive aggressive suggestions otherwise.

Where are you including the links? I would mention on your website your preferred attire (no jeans/shorts) and you could state that "for examples see this site". Anything else (save the date/invite) would be inappropriate.

Yes it's rude, because you know what happens if someone's shirt is untucked or they wear crocs?

NOTHING! Woohoo! Literally nothing.

Haha! This is great! Trying to make a dress code for your wedding! Def never heard of that one before

O yea I forgot to mention that, I was going to include the links on our wedding website. @Brandy I figured it was a passive attempt

Please don't do this. That's just so passive aggressive and rude. At some point, you have to trust that adults know how to dress themselves. And, if someone wears crocs to your wedding, it really won't matter. If you notice details like that on your wedding day, you're doing something wrong. Just don't worry about.

ETA: I mentioned attire in the FAQs of my website only to let people know that we are having an outdoor ceremony on the grass. I did that so they can dress for the weather and wear grass-friendly shoes.

How have you never heard of a dress code for a wedding? people do it all the time whether its black tie, black tie optional, cocktail, white tie or casual. this isn't a strange concept.

I think you can mention venue requirements/general dress code on your wedding website (e.g., "our venue does not allow jeans" or "cocktail attire"), but providing links is just condescending. I understand what you're saying- I wanted "Black tie optional" when we first got engaged, before doing more research and deciding against it- but your guests are adults and will show up in whatever they feel is appropriate. Anyone who is concerned about what to wear will probably approach you directly.

Simple enough. I'll skip it, thanks for the advice ladies

I have requested cocktail attire on our website, but nothing will be noted on our invitations.

I don't understand why people think it's rude to request- I think it's much ruder to wear jeans and crocs to a wedding. Unpopular opinion here.

@OP, I think Tiffany was being sarcastic. This issue has come up before and the answers are usually the same - let adults dress themselves. The most you could suggest, without being really really rude, is "cocktail attire." After that, you have to let them decide what that means.

@FutureMrsKristenS I feel the same way. It just seems disrespectful to me, but I guess I'm a minority on this

@FutureMrsKristinS I agree that it's rude to dress super casually to a wedding, especially when the formality of the event has been suggested via the venue, invitation or even a gentle attire note (such as cocktail attire). That said, the guest is the one who will look rude/silly if they arrive dressed that way...it won't really impact the wedding or the couple at all.

There are a few reasons why this is rude. Like others said, you're telling guests how to dress. You should be able to convey the formality of your wedding to your guests via the invitations, venue, and time of day of your wedding. It's also rude because cocktail attire isn't an "official" type of attire. Black tie and white tie are longstanding dress codes that come with extensive hosting requirements like valet parking, top shelf full open bar, plated multi-course meals, etc. Cocktail attire is a vague, made-up thing that doesn't come with any hosting requirements and can mean different things to different people. Plus, the type of people who wear crocs to a family event probably won't even pay attention to any sort of dress code.

H's family is much more casual than mine. We had one or two people wear jeans to our traditional wedding held in a ballroom. We're still just as married, had just as much fun, and our pictures are gorgeous. It will all be okay.

It isn't rude to specify cocktail attire on your wedding website, or to tell people when they ask. It is rude to give people links to a site that instructs them on what they should wear. And even with the note on the site, people will still dress however they want to. In the end they are your guests, not your paper dolls and they can and will dress how they want to.

I had the same worries for mine because to my family a normal wedding is back yard pot luck and this was really the first formal properly hosted wedding most of them have ever attended. I just put formal attire preferred on my website. There was several people that didn't pay attention but I didn't notice until I saw pictures so don't let it stress you out to much. Unfortunately you can't control your guest.

I get it. It is what it is and I can't control it. I understand I will probably be very distracted and not notice. I may be a bit controlling so sue me! I can't help it, I'm just one of those people that notice those things and I'm not alone on that. I will include my preference but not go any further. If someone asks I will explain. Other than that I know it's out of my hands.

FWIW, Miss Manners says there are only two *real* dress codes-- white tie or black tie, both of which come with very strict expectations for dress on the part of guests and party on the part of hosts-- once you're beyond that (and, unless you're serving a three course, plated meal with cream soup followed by clear soup followed by meat, you are) we're all just making stuff up. And you're right, FMK96-- you're not alone. Your best bet, since putting it on your website or invite is considered rude, is to pass it word of mouth. For example, you can mention to the relative you are closest to, who is also related to these people, "I know it's silly of me-- but I worry someone will come in crocs!" And hope that person, in turn, spreads the word.

Can't FH emphasize what the dress would be for family? On top on that, wouldn't the Mother of the Groom want to wear something nicer?

I'm with everyone else who has said you can make a small note of the dress code on your website, but not post specific links or pictures of what you mean. That would be crossing the line.