Co Ed wedding shower/i do bbq, after our destination wedding

View Quoted Comment I guess more of your family had money and they were able to go to a destination. My family is a lot older and don’t travel anymore due to sickness and not feeling up to traveling anymore. my family and my fiancé family isn’t super close at all either so I knew I’d maybe have 30 people Tops that will be attending. My friends don’t have a ton of money to travel either. I wish airfare was cheaper! So you got lucky having people who could afford to go! That’s a good turn out. I know people who have even had just 5 people for the destination but it’s about you and your husband that day not talking to all your guests. I’d rather that be after my wedding then have 200 people I need to converse with. ThTs just me and my fiancé we like it’ll be smaller to enjoy our day!

Your posts ends with, "Just wanted some opinions because we’ve heard good things about doing that!" and pretty much all but one or two of the responses have told you reasons why this may not be a "good thing." So, I'm assuming you don't actually want opinions/feedback, you want people to tell you that doing something that goes against many basic etiquette rules is a good idea. Therefore, do what you want, but please realize some people who receive your invitation might feel the same way as the large majority of people who responded to your post. Receiving an invitation that says, "we aren’t registered anywhere we just want money for a future honeymoon and the guests to be there (at our party)," may be interpreted as incredibly rude. If you're good with your friends and family potentially thinking you are rude, all's good!

I guess I’m confused about this post. You specifically state you will be calling this a shower, even though it is not a shower (because in order to be considered a wedding shower, it must happen BEFORE the wedding). You also specifically state that you will be including on a card in the invite that guests should bring you monetary gifts. And then you ask for others’ opinions on this. But, when people all give the same opinion, you lash out at them. So, it seems to me, that you really don’t want an honest opinion from anybody. So I guess I don’t even get the point of this post 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Chrysta it IS a shower whether it’s before or after. My cousins had a shower after the wedding when it was a destination as well. Thank you for putting two sense in. I didn’t ask about gifts I asked about opinions on the wedding shower after. But since you all think gifts are a bad idea you shouldn’t have accepted any or registered anywhere either for your own! Lol.

View Quoted Comment

LOL. wow.

Gift

noun

1. a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
   

i think the point everyone is making is you should NEVER EXPECT gifts. people give gifts because they want to. not because they HAVE to.

Gifts should never be expected and no one is entitled to gifts just because they get married. Also, no one DESERVES a shower. Showers are something that someone else offers to host in your honor, as others have already stated it's in extremely bad taste to throw one for yourself. If no one offers to host one then you simply don't have a shower. Besides, showers are for physical gifts, not cash. What you're describing is just a cash grab. Having a BBQ is fine, but if you're expecting to receive a bunch of money from it you'll be sorely disappointed.

View Quoted Comment No one here thinks gifts are bad. We think it’s bad that you EXPECT gifts.