Co Ed wedding shower/i do bbq, after our destination wedding

1. I would just call it an “I do BBBQ”. Calling it a shower means gifts are expected.
2. I wouldn’t put anything about not being registered or wanting money on the invite. If people want to get you something they’ll either ask if you’re registered or they’ll put money/checks/gift cards in a card for you.

View Quoted Comment Thanks!
Yea but we are expecting gifts cause I am not having any party beforehand. We are already putting I do bbq co Ed wedding shower on the invites. We want gifts Just after the wedding since I’m not having a normal bridal shower and we can celebrate with all the guests not attending

View Quoted Comment It’s tacky to host a party for yourself and say “I expect you to bring me a gift”. The reason showers are ok before the wedding is because they’re hosted by people other than the couple and they’re to celebrate the couple’s upcoming marriage and really came about to help couples begin their life together with things for the home.

View Quoted Comment Yea that’s the thing we have zero help. No one can help afford the wedding in our families nor would we even ask for help and there is no bridal party. Everything is being done with my fiancé and I and we are hosting everything. Definitely not tacky it has to get done one way or another though! Out guests who can’t make the destination wedding have already said they will for sure be at a shower whether it’s before or after with gifts!

I like this idea! I was thinking of doing a CoEd shower also since we can’t invite everyone to the wedding.
So ,the shower and I do bbq is a definite yes for me! You have my vote☺️

View Quoted Comment Ahhh ,I see I see. I wish I could help.
In that case just have the set up the day before, as you said. And if you can , the morning of the wedding.

I agree with PP. I feel like calling it a wedding shower is a little bit tacky. The implication of asking people to bring you a gift after you got married might strike a wrong cord with a few people. I think if you just call it the I do BBQ, or call it a barbecue reception you'll still get the same amount of gifts. People often times bring gifts to receptions, and I'm sure everyone will get the idea without having to be told to bring a gift in the name lol

I agree with PP... drop the “co Ed shower” part.
1. Showers happen BEFORE the wedding. So, this is not a shower. 2. That is an absurdly long name for a barbecue
I also agree that it is extremely tacky to host an event whose sole purpose is for you to receive gifts! I would be incredibly insulted if I received an “invitation to bring a gift” to someone whose wedding I wasn’t even invited to... and even instructed on what kind of gift to bring!! This is classless and gift grabby. If you want to celebrate your marriage with family & friends that weren’t able to go to the wedding, that’s great! But receiving money should not be expected, and certainly not asked for.

View Quoted Comment This statement is just so ick to me. No one should "expect" gifts. You're basically telling people they werent invited to the wedding but they should still give you money. Not cute.

I see no problem with you having a post wedding party of some sort but I think where the problem is your reasoning for having it. It’s one thing to want to get together with everyone and celebrate but the way your post comes across is “we are having this party so you bring us money.” Of course you’ll get gifts by having a reception but I don’t think I gifts should ever really be expected

View Quoted Comment Woah wait when did I say they weren’t invited to the wedding?!?!? ALLLLLLLLL my guests were invited to BOTH so that means I SHOULD expect gifts from everyone! Showers are for gifts and since I’m not having one before hand I def deserve one after with gifts then. All my guests that I talked to about it thought it was a it’s and great idea! So no thanks to you

View Quoted Comment I’m having no shower beforehand so I deserve one after. Every girl wants gifts at a shower so I’m allowed to want one after the wedding and to receive gifts there as well. Every wedding couple wants gifts that’s the whole point to have a shower is gift grabby. Just cause I want it after the wedding is no different. It’s not like I’m having 2 showers.

View Quoted Comment Chrysta I’m not having anything BEFORE the wedding it will be AFTER is for the destination REASON. And it’s gonna be called a co Ed wedding shower/I do bbq. I love the name whether it’s long or not. And secondly are you always insulted when invited to a bridal shower?!! Because those are always expected to bring gifts lol. Money is never asked for its implied on cards that state if you want to buy a gift it’s your choice but we have no registry so money is what we’re asking for but we want the guest there even if they don’t give a gift! Our insert in the invitation will state presents aren’t the reason we want them there and it’s not needed. Thanks...

View Quoted Comment Sarah i def won’t be adding about a gift in the name! It’ll just be a co Ed wedding shower after the fact! So
People know it’s a late shower . I informed my guests already about a shower with guys and girls because of destination.

View Quoted Comment Thank you elisheba!! I did invite all 90 people to my wedding that I am inviting to the weddig. Shower/bbq so everyone gets a chance to celebrate with us but not all my guests can afford destination sadly. But thank you and I hope you do have a wedding shower they seem a lot better then just bridal!! Best wishes : )

View Quoted Comment Sarah we have no one hosting for us it is all on us. And we have lived together for years already and we have a home and everything a home needs so we will be stating we are having an after wedding shower and want to celebrate with family and no normal bridal shower gifts we want money instead. We will have a “cash registry” it’s called instead of a normal registry.

View Quoted Comment No one "deserves" gifts. I'm shocked you're inviting 90 people and only 15 are coming and that you know this so early in advance... have you sent out invites already?

View Quoted Comment That’s pretty crappy to say no one deserves gifts! Every bride deserves gifts at a shower whether it be before or after the wedding. I invited 90 but the main people that are going is my main family I see and talk to every single week. The rest that aren’t going are all distant that see me on holidays and I don’t expect to see them at my wedding far away. But if people don’t know by 3 months before the wedding if they aren’t going then they know for sure they won’t be attending. I need a final count by middle of next month for my wedding hotel room block and destinations take a lot more preparation for then local ones. RSVPs are due by beginning of March and that gives them 2 and a half months till the wedding. Destination weddings are a lot more work planning wise then local. Guests need flights and hotels pAid for ahead of time. Gotta give a heads up well in advance!

Whoa. You are very focused on gifts. This will be terribly off-putting to a large amount of your invited guests. People know that gifts are "expected" at weddings (expected because it's a custom not because anyone should actually expect or feel they deserve gifts) and therefore they bring/send them without being told.

I think you need to shift your WHOLE focus to planning for your wedding and your marriage, and just leave whether or nor someone gives you a gift up to chance. If your loved ones want to honor you with a gift, don't worry; nothing will stop them from bringing or sending a gift. But as soon as you place expectations through party names and messages on invitations, you are going to turn a lot of people off.

View Quoted Comment I had a DW and invited 100 and 80 came. We sent our invites 9 weeks before the wedding with the rsvps date 3.5 weeks before. Ice never heard of rsvping so early for a DW.


And I stand by that no one deserves gifts, that's not why you invite people to a wedding.