Co-Ed Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

You don't have to attend if you don't want to. It's just a party (and an unnecessary and sounds like overly expensive one.) Just prepare yourself that your sister might be upset/offended if her MOH doesn't go to her bachelorette.

Also is she planning her own bachelorette? That's pretty tacky.

I'm against bachelorettes that turn into weekend getaways or mini vacation in the first place. I think it puts the bridal party in a very tough spot. I would just let her know you're unable to attend. I wouldn't make a big thing into it and hopefully she understands. But I'd be prepared that she'll probably be upset.

You do not have to attend any event other than the wedding. Anything else she "demands" you to go to she needs to pay for but it's dumb that she won't let SO be there if it's co ed anyway

Sounds like a vacation with awful, strict rules. She shouldn't be planning her own bachelorette party or her FH's bachelor party. Have you tried to talk to her about your boyfriend going? How would she feel if you planned something and said her FH wasn't allowed? Sounds like you don't mind if you don't go. Offer to help like you said and say you're not comfortable going without your BF. She SHOULD understand, if not then it's not your problem.

If it was just girls I would understand her not wanting your BF there, however it seems as though she is controlling who the groom would want there which if you hang out with them a lot I would assume he would want your BF invited to his bachelor party.

If you feel uncomfortable going then it is okay for you not to attend.

I would feel uncomfortable too. I wouldnt attend unless he was allowed to also. Like Caitlin said if it was an all girls thing I get it, but you will basically be in a house with a bunch of other men.

I did talk to her and told her it means a lot to me that he is included and when she called me and told me that he isn't allowed, I told her I am very hurt. She said she doesn't care and it's her weekend. She has been a monster to work with on every single topic, but I have managed to stay confrontation-free prior to this event. I intended to plan the whole bachelorette weekend and pay for a big chunk of it, which she was aware of, prior to this situation. I do want to go, she is my sister, but I feel like I need to take a stand on this topic. I should mention that she is known to be the bully of the family, and that she (nor her fiancé or his family) are not paying for a single cent of this wedding, shower, bachelorette party, etc but still makes constant and unreasonable demands. Why should she and her fiancé be the only ones allowed to get laid on this trip? Joking, but you know what I mean!

@Cassie, whoa. That's totally rude and obnoxious. She sounds like a huge bridezilla. I wouldn't attend and I certainly would not be paying for her bach party. If you are paying, I would rescind the offer and tell her to figure it out herself.

If you're paying then you can invite whoever you want! Sorry you have to deal with this, major bridezilla, I don't understand how people think they can treat other people like this :-/

I want to make sure I'm reading this correctly. It sounds like you want your boyfriend there and the only way for that to happen is if he is part of the bachelor party?

Just a thought, but you guys are adults and you are paying for part of the event.. What happens if you just bring your boyfriend anyway? She can't actually stop you from doing that.

There's so many things wrong with this. The first being she should not be dictating how the bachelorette party is planned. I'm also not a fan bachelor/rette party weekends mini vacations. What happened to the good old night out of fun?

You are completely within your right to refuse to attend and/or pay for this bachelorette trip.

So I have a bit of an unpopular opinion: I hardly think this is worth throwing a fit or causing drama over, especially if your sister is already a bridezilla. It's one weekend without your significant other. You can take this time to have fun with your sister and all the other bridesmaids. I've heard of plenty of joint BPs and spouses/SOs have never been invited even though it was technically co-ed. I think if you make a big deal out of this, everyone is going to think you're that girl who can't spend a single weekend without her bf... and nobody likes that girl.

I should clarify before getting slaughtered that I DO think this is against etiquette and your sister is in the wrong here 100%. It's rude to not invite your BF. I just don't think it goes to the extent you're taking it to. Especially if she's a bridezilla, there are probably much bigger issues that you're having with her that you can cause a fight over. This isn't worth a huge family fight imo, but I tend to be a pushover haha.

She's being completely ridiculous- I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't go... Especially since it sounds like it's going to be a major co-ed slumber party. You probably don't even know all of the men that will be there. I wouldn't feel comfortable going without my significant other either. I'm sure there will be drinking, and although you expect everyone to be mature, you just don't know what could happen..... Nope, wish them all the fun, and let it go. How would you SO feel about you going without him?

I would nope the hell out of there! What is she thinking, that all these people are going to share a house without their spouses? That's just weird.

I do not think your bf should be expected to be invited to the bachelor party. I also don't think it's unreasonable to go away for a weekend without him even with "mixed company". Will you enjoy it as much? No. Is it a big deal? Honestly, no.

That being said, if this is the hill you want to die on, you also aren't required to host or attend pre-wedding events. Now, this is for your SISTER and I would be thrilled to plan for my sister and wouldn't miss anything related to her wedding for the world...but it sounds like you don't even really like her, and you don't have a good relationship anyway.

I've declined bachelorette parties before. Just be gracious and thank them for inviting you but explain that you aren't comfortable going. I wouldn't go to a co-ed party of any kind (let alone a getaway) without my FH (and I wouldn't have a month ago when we weren't engaged either; the ring is irrelevant). If he isn't welcome, I don't feel welcome either.

In isolation, I dont think that going away for a weekend without your SO is that serious. But, in context, this situation would be the last straw for me. It would be one thing if she presented it as her FH only wanting to invite his GM and not have other guys there (especially since they are having their own Saturday outing). She didnt do that, you expressed feeling hurt and she said she didnt care about your feelings. That right there would be reason for not attending, and that is surely a hill I would die on.