L
Devoted August 2019

Close Friend Declined Wedding Invite for a Vacation Instead

Leaves232, on May 5, 2020 at 7:04 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 23
Saved
Reply


I was disappointed when I received a the "no" RSVP from a very close friend but gave her the benefit of the doubt. The conflict had to be something important, right? She also declined my bachelorette and bridal shower with no note, nothing. I called to reach out to her but never heard back.

Two days before my wedding, she texts "sorry to miss, I'm leaving for a trip to Europe the same day, you're probably busy so I don't expect a reply, have fun!" How could a friend of nearly 20 years be this nonchalant? I didn't respond because I was super busy and frankly I was just stunned. My wedding day came and went and it was wonderful but the absence of my friend was sorely felt.


I thought I'd get a call from her when she returned from abroad but weeks went by, and then months. I finally called her a few days ago to reconnect (life during the pandemic is a good conversation starter, no?). I was also hoping to learn more about her vacation. Was it planned before she got the save-the-date? Did she get the dates mixed up and the bookings were non-refundable? Was it a major family or work obligation? She offered nothing and when I gingerly brought the topic up, she coldly snapped "so what do you want me say?" I was shocked by her indifference and quickly changed the subject, fighting back tears.


Now I'm left feeling totally cast aside and forgotten. I'm trying to be mature and get over the fact she skipped the wedding day - that's over and in the past, nothing to be done about it. But I'm truly crushed by her insensitivity. How could she not recognize that I would be hurt? How can I move past this?

23 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on May 8, 2020 at 12:51 PM
  • C
    Dedicated April 2022
    Chris ·
    • Flag
    Sounds very insensitive of her to me. I would be upset, you are not wrong to feel this way. If she had another vacation already planned she should have told you upfront.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I had some really hurtful declines from long time friends and family. most of them I got over quickly because I thought, I guess we aren’t as close as I thought we were. I just won’t hold on so tight to that relationship anymore. But I was still angry that my husband’s brother/groomsman didn’t bother to show. The only thing that helped me was seeing a counselor and doing some therapy work.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    I hate to say it, but she sounds like she doesn’t really value the friendship anymore as much as you do. A similar thing happened to one of my best friends, but it was after her wedding. She asked this girl she was extremely close to to be the matron of honor and the girl agreed and did all the duties. Then soon after the big day the girl just completely fell off the face of the earth, wouldn’t respond to calls or texts, and eventually took her off of being friends on all social media. My friend has no idea why or what happened and was extremely hurt, but now realizes she’s better off. Your friend is displaying the same behavior as this girl did, so she may have something pulling her away. Have you asked her why she’s been so distant seeming lately? If she’s normal about everything but your wedding, could there be some jealousy there? Maybe it’s something she wants but hasn’t gotten yet. Regardless, it’s a crappy way to treat a friend, especially one that you’ve had for 20 years.
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Super August 2021
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    That sounds pretty insensitive. If I was You I would just tell her exactly how you feel and hope she gives an explanation or go from there based on her response. If she continues to be insensitive I would honestly discontinue her friendship. Or you could just move and not tell her how you feel?
    • Reply
  • Kateal
    Dedicated August 2021
    Kateal ·
    • Flag
    What I'm about to write is just solely my opinion.
    Maybe there's deeper reason. Or maybe the friendship was always way more important to you than the other person or maybe she honestly don't feel like you should be mad. I always say face to face is way better than phones or internet. People understand better or you understand better of what your dealing with. Her actions is out of your control. If you can't get a answer fade away let that situation be what it is. Especially if y'all can't talk about it. Silent anger or beef is the worst so if I was you'll I'll let it go let her come to you. If your friendship to her is genuine let it be let her figure it out. If you guys can't talk. Maybe it's just life she was through some people have pride problems they rather go.through the toughest things before they give in. Who knows but if you enjoyed your wedding and the main people besides her showed up that's what matters she probably regret it too .
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I get being disappointed that a close friend had to RSVP no to my wedding. But what can you do but move on? Your wedding was last year and you didn't reach out to her in all this time. Do you want to maintain the friendship? If so, then I would find a way to get past this and accept her again. If you don't, then this is the perfect time to just leave it there. Although, I still recommend figuring out how to get past it for your own sake.

    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
    • Flag
    Sometimes people show you exactly who they are. I'd leave this friend behind (I know it hurts.). Hugs.
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, to me it sounds like she is ending the friendship. I can't imagine missing a friends wedding as well as all the events leading up to it if i intended to keep a relationship with them

    • Reply
  • Jai
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    Awe sorry girl ! Peoples true colors come out! Nothing you can really do. Say how you feel and I would keep it moving! You'll make a new friend who will consider your feelings and be there for you!
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Totally agree. So sorry, hon.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    A first step lesson in good manners: when someone declines an invitation, it is none of the host's business, then or ever in the future, why. To expect anything by way of explanation is considered rude. So, no surprise she was upset when you brought it up. You as a host or friend, do not get to decide, do you think she had good enough reason. She never needed your approval, or any review of her reasons from you. You waited near a year after getting married to even contact her to talk. Says to me, you do not value her friendship. So what do you expect from her? Either decide you want to be friends again, and let her know you value her friendship. Or let it go, and move on.
    • Reply
  • Madison
    Dedicated August 2020
    Madison ·
    • Flag
    I hate to say it, it sounds like that was her motion to end the friendship. Great friends will be there in times of highs and lows. Flat our rejecting all of the wedding festivities followed by that sort of response (including not talking for months) shows that she clearly no longer wants a friendship. Use this as a motivator to move onto a new chapter without this friend, and begin to build your life with your spouse and other friends that played a role in the happiness of your wedding season.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    Sad to say but some people aren’t amazing friends. People are flakey and selfish at times. If you are hurt by her actions (understandable) I wouldnt go out of my way to stay in touch and I would let the friendship go. She’s under no obligation to go to your pre wedding events or wedding, there’s no “rule” saying she must. Just like you’re under no obligation to remain friends. Definitely unfortunate it was a long time friend Smiley sad
    • Reply
  • Katharine
    Expert July 2021
    Katharine ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I have to agree with this. Is an explanation from a close friend nice? Of course! But no one is required to obtain your approval to decline an invite to any event.

    It really sounds like this friendship may have run its' course considering the timelines involved from the details you've provided. You need to let this resentment go, and either let the friendship go as well, or decide to put effort into repairing it if you REALLY want to.

    • Reply
  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
    • Flag

    Girl, my own brother and sister-in-law told me they were going on a beach vacation the day before our wedding and wouldn't wait a day so they could come. It hurts.

    Sadly, it doesn't sound like this girl really wants to be friends with you.

    • Reply
  • Jill
    Jill ·
    • Flag

    You can't really get angry at her for not reaching out to you after her vacation when you haven't tried to reach out to her either. It goes both ways. The responsibility to reach out doesn't just fall on her because she missed your wedding.

    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I thirdly agree with this- she doesn't owe you an explanation so that you can determine if it was "important" and you approve the reason. I also have to agree that if you both didn't contact one another for a year, maybe it's a sign that you two aren't as close as you thought.


    If I had missed a friend's wedding for a vacation (regardless of reason) and she called me up a year later and brought it up I probably would be snippy, too. No matter how gingerly you think you brought it up, I am sure that it was obvious to your friend that you were fishing for her reasoning behind missing and it offended her and so she replied the way she did. If I were her I'd be thinking "we haven't talked in a year and the first conversation we have is a smokescreen for her to ask about why I wasn't at her wedding?" It may have also upset her that you were still harboring these feelings a year later.
    Your feelings are valid and it's okay to be hurt but you need to let it go.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Casey and Jill.

    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with this 100%. Yes, it sucks she wasn’t there even though you wanted her to be. But you don’t get to decide if it her vacation was valid or not. Maybe she did get the date wrong. Maybe leading up to her vacation she was so busy that she forgot to mention it to you. She has her reasons, and you don’t need to approve or agree with them. What you do need to do is decide where you want this friendship to go.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like she is not a friend at all, and is a selfish person. I would not want someone like that in my life. If I were you, I would not contact that person further. You have a new happy life to live with your new partner and don't need negativity like that "Friend" anymore!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics