Clarify splitting up families?

Another point I wanted to make. I was invited to a cousin’s wedding (I’m 25) however my sister was not (she is 21). She felt crappy about it, and so did I, as our relationship with this cousin in our opinion is on the same level- neither of us talks to them any more than the other does. However, I was told that technically we are both considered adults, so it wouldn’t be considered rude to invite one adult cousin vs another adult cousin. Does this situation apply to the examples I gave above? Is 21 considered an adult, or is 18?

I want to do this right, so all help would be appreciated.

Anyone 18 plus gets their own invite. You do not invite cousin George who is 16 but not cousin Kurt who is 12. That is splitting up families.

ETA: Forgot WW doesn't like symbols.

So I am 31, my brother is 29. If you had gotten married when I was 21, then my brother would not have been invited because he would have been 19, but I would have, because of your choice to have a cut-off of 21. If that would have happened in my family, it would not have gone well, and you would have upset me, my brother, and my parents.

I don't really know the "official" splitting up families rule, but I'm just not a fan of inviting the "adult" children and not their siblings, especially when they aren't that young. I have a 15 year old brother, so he would be excluded from your wedding but my brother and I would be invited. Again, not a fan of this, and I think arbitrary age cut offs like this, when you have families with children that both fit and don't fit this guideline is just asking for trouble and drama. If you were talking about a 21 year old sibling and a 4 year old sibling - totally different and I'd probably be ok with not inviting the 4 year old because....they're 4.

I would invite the whole family in your case - 15-21. You might find that the 15 year old doesn't want to go. But they're old enough to feel excluded and hurt, just like your sister did.

We did 21+ too, with the exception of family. The only splitting we're doing is parents v. children. Example: my dad's best friends have two teens I don't know. My dad hasn't even seen them in years. We invited just the parent.s We're not inviting some kids and not others within families.

For both of your situations, I would invite all of the cousins in the family or none at all. In my opinion, 21 is a sort of arbitrary cut-off when it comes to family units, and in your case could definitely lead to hurt feelings due to not including everyone. I think it's wrong to invite some kids but not others who are in the same family.

ETA: spelling

I would invite the whole family when the kids are all teenagers. If some of them were like 3 and 5, that would make more sense. When a kid is 15, they're not the "child" in "child free wedding" to me, if that makes sense.

In both scenarios I'd invite all the siblings. 18 is considered adult, but with my family I even consider my 16 year old cousin an "adult" I wouldn't exclude her from something I'm inviting her 18 year old sister to. I agree with an all or none when it comes to kids in families, regardless of their ages

If I invited my 18 year old cousin and not the 17 year old there would definitely be hurt feelings. If I was having an adult only I would probably invite 16 and up. Technically 16 isn't adult but they are old enough to drive themselves to the wedding. In your case you need to decide what you consider adult. Your sister was hurt at the last wedding she wasn't invited to. You would want to do that to your guests but unfortunately you have to pick a cutoff and just know that some might be hurt.

My parents hosted my engagement party and told me they were not inviting any of the cousins so it would be a smaller affair (were a big Irish catholic family). My family was totally fine with it but for my FH side it was like WW3. It put us in a terrible position and I just ended up saying all the cousins could go on his side (much smaller amount). We paid for their dinners and My parents understood my position. I had to take each aunt and uncle aside and explain why there was children there when they couldn't bring theirs. Luckily my family is awesome and laughed it off but I learned a valuable lesson that day- just invite everyone . Don't play games and don't be confusing. I also partly blame my parents for imposing such a rule in the first place but whatever lol. Good luck!

I don't think there's anyway to invite some family members without hurting other's feelings, regardless of age. I would just send a joint invite to each family and leave a spot for them to put how many are attending on the RSVP. Odds are a lot of the kids, especially teens/college/adults won't come anyways

Considering you have cousins over and under age 18, I would say all or nothing.

Is it really worth the 12 seats to hurt the feelings of every family member?

I would say all or nothing with cousins

Ok, it looks like everyone is pretty much on the same page. It's not that I don't want the teenage cousins there. I have 40 first cousins on my dad's side alone, so it was more of a capacity issue. We thought cutting at 21 would be the easiest way to get below our 200 limit, but the more I thought about it, it just didn't feel right (and apparently, all for good reason!) I don't want to start any drama with the family or hurt any feelings. We will just have to look at our friend list and cut from there, since by including the 12 cousins, we are now at 212 : / The guest list is BY FAR the worst...

You definitely need to invite those full families.

We are having an 18 years old and older reception. If we didn't we could end up with 300+ people attending and that just doesn't fit our budget or venue. It won't affect us much because the only families that will be split will be a family that has a 25 year old and a 13 year old. That's the closest age gap and I think at that point the parents should be able to explain to there child that they aren't an adult and some things adults get to do that kids don't get to do. But then again that's how all weddings have been in my family so we're used to it being that way.

Anyone over 18 gets their own invitation. So a family with kids who are 12, 17, and 21 would not be split: the 21 year old is their own social unit.

Splitting a family is when you make an arbitrary cutoff at like, 10, and a family has a 12 year old, 10 year old, 7 year old, and 6 year old. In this case, you are splitting up the social unity of the family by splitting the kids.

I think you answered your own question. Its was done in a scenario to you and your sister and it hurt your feelings. So most likely others might be hurt by the same intentions