church ceremony and NO RECEPTION. yes or no?

I am back and forth too. In reality the ceromony..our vowels and the pictures are what I really care about. My family and close friends will be at the ceremony...i dont think reception is necessary. I just want to be with my partner and enjoy our intimate day...non stressful ...at the end of the day its your big day...do what feels right...a party is a party..the ceremony is what matters and the reason you are even there..for a marriage not a wedding party.

Good Luck (: be happy (:

Melissa,

Did you end up having a ceremony, but no reception? How did it go? --Katie from CA

I'm in the same dilemma. My husband and I got married in his country but only his family knows. My side thinks that we are only engaged. I didn't want to hear of all the naysayers trying to talk me out of it....I was already crazy in their eyes for meeting a foreigner online and flying to his country alone 5 months later. Now that he's moving to the US, he wants a wedding. Since I have been married before, it's not that big of a deal to me but it is for him. I think it's a waste of money to do all of the hoopla when we are already married but he says he wants pictures to show our kids and a real wedding to actually celebrate. There are sooooooo many other expenses that are coming into play with him moving over here that I rather use the wedding money or other things. I feel like we can have a small intimate wedding but he's African so I'm sure small is not what he envisions. I thought of many situations of having a small ceremony with no reception, to having a small gathering after, to just getting dressed up for pics and having no ceremony or reception. I guess I'm being the logical one with not paying for a wedding for only a half of day fun. I rather go on a really nice honeymoon since we have only seen each other once in 2 years. Alone time sounds SO MUCH BETTER to me.

What do you think?

Hi Melissa, I am thinking the same thing too. Church wedding and no reception, probably will just eat out somewhere. We still haven’t decided the time, if we’re going to do a brunch, lunch or dinner. Or we’ probably just do a dessert reception or cake and punch/coffee. My fiancé and I are getting a house so we would rather spend our money on that rather than spending on a reception.

If you're not willing to feed your guests, don't invite them. Just have your wedding with two witnesses. Incredibly rude not to entertain your guests properly (food, drink, a chair for each person, gracious thanks from you--that seems like the absolute minimum).

If you invite people to a ceremony, you need to provide something for them afterward. Whether it’s a cake and punch reception or a full dinner reception, you need to feed people who are invited to the ceremony.

You should only do this is you have ZERO guests invited to your ceremony. It's incredibly rude to invite people to a ceremony and then not have anything after.
You could even have a nonmeal time ceremony and the have the reception be just cake and punch, but you must do something.

This is a 2 year old post

View Quoted Comment Its not rude at all. You are inviting people to YOUR day and they should feel honored to be invited. Weve invited everyone we know and care about to the ceremony but are only doing a brunch afterwords with immediate family. We put on our invitations that we do not expect gifts and only request their presence to share this special day with us.

Sarah, that is a relationship-ending plan. You have invited most of your guests to share only a bit of "this special day." The bit that is all about you.

You invite guests, you feed them. Wedding, funeral, graduation, baptism, bris, book launch--you invite people, and food and drink are part of it. For everyone you invite.

The ceremony is for the bride and groom; the reception (food, drink, music, socializing) is to thank the guests for attending the ceremony. Nothing to do with gifts or no-gifts.

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This is an incredibly rude plan, actually.

View Quoted Comment Lmao I don't see how this will end my relationship in the slightest. Years ago receptions were not even a thing. If people feel they need to be rewarded to coming to a church ceremony when they were invited out of the 400 people that could have been instead, then I don't think I want to be associated with those people. No one is obligated to come to a ceremony and most of the time only half the guest list will show to that part. The idea that this stupid American society has embedded into every bride that we have to shell out $30,000 for one day is ridiculous. Music is not always a part of every reception. Also, people are not invited to funerals they are informed, nor does there ever have to be food provided. In those situations food is an offering, a sort of form of comfort for those greiving. Not a necessity.

View Quoted Comment Its not though. I have had countless family members and friends hound me as to when they are getting their invitations and where everything will take place. I have told them from the beginning it will be a very small wedding. The reaction is a face of pout and annoyance they are not invited because every has been taught that you're suposed to invite all of your family whether you've talked to them in past 5 years or not. By inviting everyone to the ceremony which is their choice to attend, they can celebrate with us. When half of guests only show for the ceremony why would I need to "thank them" by throwing a reception when they didnt come to the most important part?

How many years ago were receptions "not a thing"? My grandmother gave my mother and father a small party after their home wedding in 1940; my aunt had the same in 1948. Almost eighty years ago.

In mid-19th century England, a wedding was followed by a wedding breakfast for the guests. That takes us back almost two centuries.

You have it backwards. The guests honor your wedding by traveling, dressing up, attending, giving you gifts; you express your appreciation of that honor and effort and respect with a reception (and spoken and written thanks).

If you know rude people who tell you they expect to be invited and express disappointment that they aren't--well, I wish you knew and better-behaved loved ones.

"Lmao I don't see how this will end my relationship in the slightest."

Not your relationship with your fiancé. It will damage your relationships with your guests who made an effort to attend your wedding properly and, in return, were treated very rudely. Some won't care; many will; unlikely that they will tell you to your face, but they'll talk. And never forget it.

View Quoted Comment So so true . I’m debating on this know myself. I want to get married and wear a dress and take pictures. But I am not on the budget to do a reception and hate all the judgement I assume I will receive if we don’t have a reception. If people pitched in maybe I wouldn’t feel as bad for spending money I don’t have on just a reception. It also sucks that everything is so ridiculously inflated.

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You can get married and wear a dress and take pictures and you can even not have a reception; you just can't invite guests in that case. Once you invite guests you actually have to treat them like guests.