Yasmin
Beginner June 2018

Christian wedding

Yasmin, on August 4, 2017 at 11:02 PM Posted in Planning 0 40
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So I've recently thought of getting married through court and then having a small medium reception afterwards... originally I wanted a ceremony with a Christian pastor marrying us but now I don't know if I want a ceremony (more money,more stress, venue limitations..etc) my question is...will it be OK to marry through court as Christians ? Do we have to get married by a representative of God or a church of some sort??

This has really been bugging me...I need some advice from other fellow Christians..

40 Comments

  • LadyWatson
    Super October 2017
    LadyWatson ·
    • Flag

    My pastor is marrying us. We just start pre-martial counseling

    Edit; yes you could still go to court house. Or use your pastor for counseling

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  • LibbyLane
    Super July 2018
    LibbyLane ·
    • Flag

    If you feel like you need to be married by a pastor, then get married by a pastor. It's a matter of personal conviction, and no one else can truly advise you on it. If it's not explicitly stated in the Bible (which I'm pretty confident that it's not), then it's up to your personal convictions, and that goes for most everything in life.

    ETA: Can you spot the protestant? haha

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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
    • Flag

    I don't think there's anything wrong with having a courthouse ceremony.

    If you decide it's important to you to be married by your church's pastor, you can do that without having a big, expensive ceremony. You could get your license and ask your pastor to marry the two of you privately. You have more options than you think.

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  • F
    Dedicated December 2018
    FutureMrs. ·
    • Flag

    Why can't you just have your pastor marry you guys in a small ceremony? I used to work at a church and the pastor had a few different weddings that would be super small. One in particular I remember was a Monday or Tuesday night in the lobby of our church with the couples parents and siblings. Getting married by a pastor doesn't mean it has to be a big wedding.

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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag

    As an ex-Catholic I'm not sure if this holds true but the legal process doesn't have anything to do with the sacrament of marriage. From my understanding you need to get married by a religious leader (priest, pastor, deacon, etc. ) to be considered the sacrament of marriage. I may be 100% wrong though because I left the church about 12 years ago.

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  • JoRocka
    Master September 2016
    JoRocka ·
    • Flag

    No... it definitely needs to be someone of the cloth- or it's just a fake marriage.

    • Reply
  • Alana
    VIP March 2018
    Alana ·
    • Flag

    I would say it depends on your denomination.

    • Reply
  • Carolyn
    Dedicated December 2017
    Carolyn ·
    • Flag

    For my area you can get the certificate, then have your pastor marry you in a ceremony big or small, or private.

    • Reply
  • MrsSki
    Master April 2017
    MrsSki ·
    • Flag

    This sounds like a conversation for you, your future spouse, and your pastor. Getting married in a church signifies you believe marriage is a covenant not just between you and your spouse, but also between the two of you and God. For me and my DH, our faith is an integral part of our lives so we couldn't imagine not getting married by ordained clergy. You can legally get married at the court, sure, but whether you feel you should get married in a church from a spiritual standpoint is a question only you and your spouse can decide.

    A church wedding can definitely be small though. I've been to weddings in churches with less than 20 people before. Why do you feel like a church wedding is more money or stress?

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  • Chica
    VIP October 2017
    Chica ·
    • Flag

    If you want to have a religious ceremony ordained by a Christian Pastor then a pastor or other religious officiant should perform your ceremony (holy sacrament). It doesn't need to be a big or expensive party.

    If you choose to get married through the court it will NOT be a religious marriage. Nonetheless, it will very much be a valid marriage. @Jess's explanation is correct.

    A potential solution to your dilemma, is having the ceremony and reception at your local church. Usually there is a small fee or donation for using the church property and the pastor's officiant services. Another is having a private religious ceremony with your pastor.

    • Reply
  • Heartbweeps
    Super October 2017
    Heartbweeps ·
    • Flag

    Yes it's fine to marry through the court as Christians.

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Dedicated August 2018
    Tori ·
    • Flag

    @MrsSki is spot on. Some denominations are much stricter; for example, a Catholic couple would likely have to be married by a priest to be recognized. Meanwhile, a Unitarian would likely see any marriage as spiritually bonding, regardless of who married the couple.

    Personally, FH and I are Protestant/broadly evangelical, and my childhood pastor is marrying us. I wouldn't feel right having a secular ceremony but that doesn't mean I don't think one could in theory be spiritually binding. I haven't honestly thought much about it; you'd think, though, that 3 years into a religious studies degree, I would have, but it isn't something a professor has ever brought up.

    Long story short: I think it's up to you. Getting married by a pastor could be as easy as going to the church with a tiny number of your nearest and dearest, and having a 10 minute ceremony, then going for dinner. A ceremony doesn't have to be any more of an ordeal than a courthouse wedding.

    What does FS want?

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  • Jess'sgirl
    VIP November 2018
    Jess'sgirl ·
    • Flag

    Wait... You mean "recognized" by the church, right?

    Because LEGAL, and recognized by the church are two very different things. You are only "required" by law to have a licensed officiant perform a ceremony and file the paperwork appropriately. Boom. Married.

    The other PP are right about the whole recognized by the church thing.

    I have never really understood why this is a question? Maybe someone can enlighten me?

    • Reply
  • D&A2017
    Expert August 2017
    D&A2017 ·
    • Flag

    You can always have a pastor marry you in your home or a park or something. My aunt, who's an ordained minister, married my friend and her husband in their home before their DW.

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  • Hahnsolo
    Super March 2018
    Hahnsolo ·
    • Flag

    You can get married wherever you want. Religion has nothing to do with that.

    • Reply
  • MrsMitch
    Master August 2017
    MrsMitch ·
    • Flag

    You can have a small ceremony with just you and your FH anywhere. If you're concerned about the religious aspect, have a pastor marry you. You can do a ceremony with just you two in his/her office at the church or in your living room. It doesn't have to be at the courthouse.

    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    So I am catholic and was told that unless married by a priest, the church would not recognize my marriage and it would be more of a struggle to get our children baptized. Honestly, it majorly pissed me off to the point where I didn't want to have a catholic wedding regardless. However, the priest tried to be helpful and now my FH and I are getting married at a separate venue that we love and the priest got permission from the bishop to officiate.

    • Reply
  • Heather
    VIP September 2017
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    Okay my thing is this... you are both Christians Right? You are doing this with God guiding YOU. Why does it need to be a pastor of your liking? Have you thought that those at the courthouse may be Christians also?

    If you are married in God's will who is to stop you?

    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    It's truly personal choice and religious belief. As a Catholic I believe the sacrament of marriage can only take place in church, but a civil (legal) marriage can take place anywhere you choose.

    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    @christy f. It's never normally acceptable but my priest really wanted to help us for some reason (probably because he saw that I would not be willing to marry in the church and didn't want me turning away from faith - just my guess) We had to write a letter to the bishop and the priest had to create a petition and meet with the bishop to plead on our behalf. It was a very quick process - we knew within a month. It's definitely not normal but can be done.

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