Chinese Tea Ceremony??

I love incorporating different elements into celebrations!

What do FH's parents have to say about the timing? They would probably know best how long it takes, how to explain the symbolism or tradition, and when is best to incorporate it. If you're having a large wedding, you may not want to do a tea ceremony for 150 people. :-)

Haha good point, Zaz!! They said they're open to whenever is convenient. They said it usually doesn't take long at all-- 15 minutes tops. Other than the symbol for double happiness that we hope to place near the cake table, this is the only element of their culture that we have for now as they don't want Chinese attire, etc...

I'm thinking that maybe it could be done at the rehearsal dinner or the morning of the wedding, but I don't want people (especially our Chinese guests or guests into Chinese culture) to think that we are trying to downplay his side of traditions and make it a "Caucasian style wedding..."

I believe the tea ceremony is only for family members. Starting with the groom's side, the bride and groom each give a cup of tea to each member in the following order with the paternal side first then the maternal side: great-grandparents (if any), grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts (eldest first), married siblings, and cousins. Then you follow the same order with the bride's side - also paternal side before maternal side.

Traditionally, it is done after the door games when the groom picks up the bride from her parents' home the day of the wedding. Nowadays, it's a bit more lax. We're doing ours in the time between the ceremony and reception.

Thanks, E&M! Since both of our families are coming in from out of town and staying in the same hotel (Embassy Suites), maybe we can do it the morning of the wedding in one of the suites?

I think the photographer is planing to use the time between the wedding and reception for pictures...Sorry, this is one thing I'm completely clueless about!

I've heard of it done the morning of. I would prefer to do it with the families and would feel awkward if guests were watching us do the tea ceremony, but my MUA told me of a wedding she went to where they did do it at the beginning of the reception and she enjoyed it. You can incorporate other elements into the reception (like, the double happiness, the color red, different foods).

We're trying to incorporate some Chinese traditions in ours as well.

We did the Chinese tea ceremony and we did it before the actual ceremony. It was pretty easy and not very stressful but also a nice mix of my Asian culture. I'm Asian and my husband family is white so we only did it with my family but it was nice.

I think his family would really appreciate it and then if your family would participate it would be awesome!

Thanks, Dianna! The morning of does seem to make sense logistically. We are definitely incorporating the color red. The bridesmaids are wearing claret dresses, and the groomsmen and dads are wearing red spray rose boutonnieres and red ties. As for food, we ended up following the caterer's menu of choices, so I think the option left would be to offer a Chinese dessert in addition to our wedding cake. What are some good Chinese dessert or treat options??

Ea ceremony is usually only for immediate famiyl members. Almost always it is done the morning of after the groom has "picked up his bride from her house".

Depends who you want to involve in the tea ceremony. If you have specific aunts/uncles who are really close and won't be there in the morning, you can carve 30min during cocktail hour or before ceremony to do it (my sister did that). She had a separate room for the tea ceremony while the guests did the cocktail hour in another room.

But it is best to do it in the morning, it just means you will have to get ready REALLY early.

Good luck!

I have had couples do this the day before, the morning before, or right before. It really depends on how it works into the celebration. The ones that I have seen have been open to everyone (not everyone participates though.....)

I have also had couples include this in the ceremony, with just the parents, which I think is especially sweet if there are two cultures represented.

@Sarah - for desserts you can look up "Chinese Pineapple Cake". They are individually wrapped and can be used as favours if you like or displayed along a dessert table.

Hmm...good points VC and dexlovely. It would be nice for us to look our best for the tea ceremony pictures, so it seems like just before the wedding would make sense since my family isn't exactly the "get up and go" type haha. There is a bridal suite at the venue, so I suppose we could do it there.

@sarah - for desserts, I love the Chinese sesame balls and egg tarts. There are all sorts of cakes and sweet buns as well.

Hello! So I'm 3/4 gen Canadian-Chinese (100% Chinese by heritage). I give this disclaimer because I'm finding out that some of my family traditions are more similar to "ancient" Chinese culture because my family fled prior to the Cultural Revolution and a few other major historical events in China.

Your FH's family will be the best resource on how this is done. Everyone is right though, it is just for family only. We did a tea ceremony with my side (bride) of the family prior to the ceremony. My grandparents and parents all came over, and I served them tea starting with the eldest. When you pass the tea cup to them you should use both hands out of respect. In exchange they are supposed to give you a red envelope and/or gold jewelry (in Chinese culture this is normally 24K). You should also accept the red envelop with both hands.

After the ceremony you're supposed to do your FH's family which is the main tea ceremony, but basically the same thing happens. You're supposed to do it at their property (historically it would be like you travel from the bride's village to the groom's village) -- but of course this isn't always practical/accurate in modern times. There is a certain tea you're supposed to use, but I wasn't able to find it (I also can't read Chinese) so I just used green tea.

We modified ours and did DH's family the next day, FYI. Chinese wedding days become pretty long with the tea ceremonies (or can depending on family size).

Oh, also, you shouldn't open the red envelopes in public, that's considered as rude.

Sorry for so many posts. you can also include the double happiness symbol on something (we put ours on our invitation) and we also had subtle elements of the dragon and phoenix. One of our friends is an origami artist and made some for us. My DH is scottish btw so ours was a multi-cultural ceremony and reception. I changed into a red Chinese dress for the reception dinner/first dance and then changed back to my white dress later in the night.

Some traditional Chinese wedding desserts are: sweet read bean soup with lotus seed and lily bulb, swallow's nest with lotus seed and lily bulb, double boiled swallow's nest in whole papaya.

This is usually combined with fancy chinese petit fours.

Any sweet tea, symbolizing sweetness in the new union, is good for the chinese tea ceremony. Some traditional chinese sweet teas are preferred for the good connotations in their names.

Lotus seeds and red dates tea symbolize that the couple will bear children quickly and continuously.

Longans and red dates tea: the longan represents a "dragon" and the wish for having male children.

Wow, these are great ideas, thanks!! It seems that I need to look closer to the logistics and what is all planned for the day of and days leading up to it and will have to plan the tea ceremony accordingly.

I do love sesame balls and egg tarts (FH makes a mean egg tart!) and will have to look into the pineapple cakes as well.

FH and his parents fled in the 80s, so they told me they have to google tea ceremony as well. FH's ex wife was also Chinese, and they did not do a tea ceremony.

I think it's important for us to represent his culture, so I've been rather insistent on it.

You look beautiful in your red dress, LadyMonk!!

Thanks, Sarah! Honestly we had lots of fun researching the tea ceremony/combining cultural elements. Everything E&M said seems in line with what my research came up with as well.

Glad you are looking into this. Really it is less formal nowadays but once you figure out how the process goes, you will know how much time to allocate.

Also I will assume you will recieve RED POCKET money from this ceremony so make sure you designate someone close to keep that money safe once the ceremony is complete.

You can choose to do it privately or public depending on the comfort level of those involved. If everyone is OK with public it can be nice for other guests to see another culture/tradition.