Edit: I am so sorry for the lengthy post!
Guys, I so desperately need advice. This is a topic that is stressing me out so much that I cannot sleep. With my anxiety being high naturally, this is not helping and I am considering medication.
So, our wedding is next year on Halloween. Originally, we were supposed to have it on the 30th, however the date was taken. I am SO adamant with having a child free wedding, and I have been from the start. My FH was always with whatever I choose. Meaning, he doesn't really want children there but also he might not mind it so much.
This is where the problem lies. My FH told me everyone is so excited about it being child free, they finally get a night off without their kids. Trick or Treat during the day and come to my wedding around 6:30pm or even 7:30pm for my ceremony (we are doing cocktail hour before the ceremony.)
My FMIL, the person I am very happy will become my family because I completely adore her, got a little drunk the other day and we started talking about the wedding. It is not a topic I so freely discuss because I am afraid people will judge my choices before they even see the entire thing played out.
She was telling me how upset my FHs first cousins would be if we did not invite their children. How they have something or other in their town where they all go together and whatever other bull she said that I tried to forget.
Long story short, she said that I invite them with their little children, or they show up, sans spouse, and will be miserable the entire time. With what sounded vaguely threatening when she said "They'll remember that." I think GREAT! No more Christmas or Thanksgiving because my decision will be forever judged.
If I invite 5 of their children, I have to invite the children of everyone else, which is the opposite of what I wanted! Those kids have other grandparents that are by no means coming to our wedding, and they can go out for candy before the wedding even starts. My FMIL and her kids, which are in the wedding party since they are adults, said they will look after them if they get rowdy. So, in my mind, it's no longer about everyone celebrating our day, but rather playing with children.
Maybe I am overthinking this too much, and I don't have anything against the kids, I truly enjoy them. However, I was always adamant with having a child free wedding, and I feel like I would be abandoning my entire principle if I allow this. I cannot simply invite their children without inviting the children of his other cousins, or my MOH and my family.
I simply did not appreciate any of what was said to me, basically handing me an ultimatum that if I don't invite their kids then they will be alone and miserable at my wedding.
What should I do? I would like to talk to them myself, but would my FMIL then get angry that I just didn't take her word for it? It is stressing me so much that I don't want this wedding anymore. Just elope and be done with it.