Changing my name and Parents mad

Why not explaining that while you love your name, it would make your life easier to simplify your name. Just make sure to stress that it's not a personal attack towards them or your family

Ugh man they're taking it way too seriously, IMO. Did they never think their daughter would marry and change her name?

That's definitely a tough one, especially when your current middle and last name are your parents family names. I can see how, from their perspective, you're erasing your family from your identity. But I completely understand wanting to simplify your legal name situation.

I know some people who have only middle initials, not middle names. Could you use your FH's last name as your last name, but have your middle name legally changed to the two initials of your current middle and last name? It might not un-complicate things, but it would save space and keep your connected to your family history.

At the end of the day, your parents need to understand that you and your FH are creating a new family together, and with a new family comes a new name. You're kicking them off your drivers license, not out of your DNA or out of your heart.

I think you should stick to your idea and take your husbands name (or just have one last name). I work in a clinic and it is so annoying when people have two last names and when they are not consistent with their last name. One day they're Rodriguez and then the next they say they are Martinez. Okay Mrs. Rodriguez Martinez, pick a name and stick to it. Just remember you can't please everyone.

I agree with @Carousel- you need to sit them down and explain that you're not disowning them or your family in any way. This is your choice, OP. No one else's. I wouldn't feel bad at all. If this is really what you want, stick with it and hold your ground.

Your idea sounds like a good one.

Why not do two middle names? First middle middle FH-last

It wouldn't solve the length issue, but it could be a middle compromise.

I definitely agree that a sit down session or writing a letter would be a good idea.

I say sit down and talk to them. They must have known you would get married and take your fh name.

Heartbweeps and Madelyn, I've done that...I've explained about all that but they say I shouldn't even look at it as "trouble" but should be proud... and Carousel, I said specifically about my DNA! I'm always going to be their daughter and, genetically, has much more value than my name! MoreMoore, I agree with you...this is so frustrating because every time it's not their way they take it personal to make me feel bad... and I do think they're in denial regarding no longer being only "theirs" but having a husband and acquiring his last name. And CL R, I totally agree with you...that's WHY I really want to change my name. It's so confusing and frustrating dealing with something that shouldn't be this complicated...

Thanks everyone for your insight!! I just really need to know how to approach them in a way they'll at least listen. I swear I've tried everything I could possible think of

Your taking on your husband last name...it's a new beginning for you.

MsDtoR2019, thanks for the suggestion however, I think two middle names would be even more confusing than two last names. I already have two first names (that I love) and it's already confusing ??

Thank you Toya W! It is! Marrying him is definitely going to be a new beginning for me in so many ways!

Just keep at it! You've got awhile before you get married. Hopefully they'll see you won't change your mind and come to accept that fact.

Is this a matter of there not being any other males to carry on either last name from both sides of the family? If so, I can kind of see why they're being so stubborn. However, I don't condone it. It is ultimately your choice to change your name to simplify it for yourself. I think, in this case, a firm, 'this is what I'm doing so get over it,' kind of tactic would be your best bet. If reasoning and explaining isn't getting anywhere, tell them that this is what's happening and that's that. Be firm that no amount of arguing will change your mind and any further attempt of discussion/arguing about the topic will be ignored and pointless.

I have a difficult mother, though not on this issue. But I know from experience, the only way to deal is to tell them what you're going to do, why you're doing it, and reassure them it doesn't mean you are not a part of the family. Maybe suggest that the name isn't really the issue they have but the bigger issue is you moving forward in your life and the fact that they feel they aren't going to be involved. Its something alot of parents go through, especially with daughters, but at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you and be firm. If they try and argue/guilt, restate your decision and change the subject. Continuing to hash it out will only create more ill will and it gives them the illusion they will be able to change your mind. If you can't, tell them, and that's it.

It's not their call to make....

Did your mom change her last name when she got married?

Or does she also have 10 names so when she goes to the dr she is " Tina Jo Smith"

Then on her insurance card she is " Tina Jo Smith Rodman"

Which is soooo annoying because then you create two patient files, come to find out it's the same person, then we have to merge the files!

Just go with what makes you happy, your the one who will be walking around with the names not them.

I don't understand why parents get upset over this, it's very traditional to take your husbands last name yet they act so surprised! I know it's hard but be firm with your decision. If anything maybe you can just tell them you added his name and made the others middle names . How would they know haha

Please know that you are NOT doing anything wrong. I think your name idea sounds perfect and you are the only person that needs to be happy with it. (also I totally get it with the multiple names, it can be such a pain and I didn't want to add another one in the mix either) Also, taking away both family names avoids a situation where you may be perceived as favoring one family over the other. However, you do not need to justify yourself to anyone. You are creating a new family with your husband and adopting his name as your own is not a slight against your parents, they will always be your parents.

If they are upset about it, THEY are the ones that need to adjust their expectations. You can't live your life not wanting to upset people. People get upset about everything and it is cruel to expect you to give in to meet someone else's expectations instead of your own.

I do understand that your parents may feel a little hurt, and that is probably normal, but what is not normal is for them to take it out on you. Sure take some time to get used to it, but respect me as a grown ass woman and call me by my new name or call me the adult child you never see.

ETA:

You can say no and change the subject, however at a certain point if they keep bringing it up you may want to just remove yourself from the situation: "Mom, Dad, Stop. My decision is final. Do not bring this up again." Be firm. Don't even humor/argue/justify/explain any more it only leaves the impression that it is an open discussion and they have a say in your decision. Then if they bring it up again, leave. immediately. leave the room, the house, the restaurant, whatever. "I see that now is not a good time for a visit. We can chat again when you can learn to respect my boundaries and decisions" Don't just sit there and take it, this is not something they can discipline you about like a little girl until you come to your senses.

Also, and this is ONLY if this is something you are genuinely interested in, if you decide to have children there's always the opportunity to use a family name (first or last) for future children's middle names. However if my parents were still giving me strife over my married name, hell no would I name my child after them.

I changed my name for a similar reason. It was a two-parter before I was married (think St Something). Appointments, forms, etc were a pain. They could never find me in the dr computer. It wasn't a big deal when I lived in a small town, but when I moved it was a hassle. However, my dad didn't care. I cared at first, but knew it would make everything easier.