Changed my mind about a bridesmaid!!!

I don't see why she can't be his best woman... but I would def. talk to your FH about what you're thinking and what your concerns are. I don't think you have to have his sister as a BM but since she already thinks she is... it might create bad blood to kick her out

How does your FH feel about this? If she wants to be a BM, and you already asked her to be one, it could really hurt her feelings if you ask her to step down. By asking her to step down, you may not just be creating bad blood with your FSIL, but also with other future family members. Abby & Karla had a good suggestion. You could ask her to stand up with your FH on your big day (if that's what your FH wants).

I totally get what you are saying about the bad blood, it would just make more sense for her to be on his side! We aren't really close at all! How do I talk to him about this without causing a problem between us? Or am I already screwed? I also don't think that she would really be able to afford to purchase a bridesmaid dress (she also gave me certain criteria for the dress), and being on his side she can select her own dress (within reason and with my approval!) that suits her body and budget! Plus she never had a wedding (went to the courthouse), and I am afraid that she will try and take over! She already has a bad history with my friends - she was supposed to be planning my baby shower and flaked out!

She can definitely be on his 'side'. My brother has a best woman and I am a grooms girl as well (although his FW still treats me like a BM anyway).

Something to think about before you ask your FSIL to step down or to be on your FH's side: in some cultures (and families), it's important to put family before friends into your wedding party. When you include your FS's family members on your side, it's a gesture that shows that you are welcoming them into your family. If you ask that person to step down, it's like you are rescinding that welcome. I don't know what your FH's culture or family is like, but if they're anything like that, you could be creating some bad blood by asking your FSIL to not stand up with you.

You're not screwed, but you do need to talk to your FH. Maybe if they are/were really close, you can tell him how you may think that she'd be a good best woman (if that's what you really think). See how he feels before you make any decisions.

LOL. She'll be your sister-in-law the rest of your life. And ya know the ladies can hold grudges.

Discuss the situation with your FH, but I wouldn't cut her out the wedding party. And as a girl, she'll probably hang out more with you and your BMs then him and his groomsmen.

You can't kick her out. Just not being close enough isn't good enough when you already asked her and she is going to be family. Part of a marriage is joining two families. It is a traditional courtesy to ask his sister and a great opportunity to get to know her better and be closer. If he wants to ask her to be the best woman that is great, but she will still be included in all bridesmaid activities, dress shopping etc.

I get the vibe from your posts that you and your bridesmaids are this little popular clique and your FSIL isn't cool enough to hang out with you and as a result you don't want her in your wedding. This may not be the case but it is how it is portrayed in your posts when I read them.

You say you guys aren't close at all but this will allow you guys to become closer and you are going to be family. I wasn't close with my brother's fiance, however very shortly after they got engaged, she called me asking me to be one of her bridesmaids. We have gotten a whooooooole lot closer now as a result.

Also I think it's unfair of you to assume she is going to try to make the wedding all about her just because she only had a civil ceremony.

If you really don't want her standing on your side I would talk to your FH about it. If he wants her on his side than he can ask her. If he doesn't, then you should keep her as a bridesmaid as it would be really rude to kick her out since she is family.

I think that is perfect.. i know my FSIL wanted to be a bridesmaid and I really dont know her and FH and her really havent gotten along, I mean they didnt talk for nearly 5 or 6 years since she did some pretty crappy things to him.. and so when I said FH didnt have enough groomsmen to allow me the extra bridesmaid she tried to talk him in to letting her be a groomswoman.. needless to stay he said no but yeah i think it would work out well if they were close :d