Ceremony/family Dinner vs Ceremony/dance Invites

Your grandmother is correct, people will be offended. This is what would be called a tier reception and comes across as rude. If you can only feed 130, only invite 130-no need to invite the other 370

Your grandmother is correct! This concept is rude to your guests and can come off as your are inviting them purely for the gift.

Host a reception you can afford. If you can only afford 130 only invite 130 guests.

There will still be the appetizer light snacks , cake , and cash bar with selected hosted drinks.??

This is rude on so many levels. First, tiered receptions are wrong. Second, the reception is to THANK your guests for coming to the ceremony. It's for them, not you. So if you invite them to the ceremony with no reception (with dinner), then you're being rude. Third, cash bars are beyond rude. Have the wedding you can afford. If that means inviting 50 people for ceremony, dinner, and open bar, so be it. Better to have a smaller wedding than a large wedding that offends so many people.

Don’t do this. What are the other 370 people supposed to do during the dinner they aren’t invited to? Find somewhere else to eat?

I would echo the advice of reducing your guest count until you are at a number where you can accommodate everyone.

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^^^^ Exactly this ^^^^

No one needs to invite 500 guests to a wedding. Cut that guest list dramatically and host everyone to ceremony, dinner, and reception with you paying for the bar. The bar can be limited to wine and beer to make it more cost effective.

Telling 370 that just because they live close they won't be getting dinner, so go home and find something to do for the next couple of hours, then come back for chips and dip and bring money so you can have a beer is horribly offensive. Oh yes, you 370 guests, don't forget to bring the gift!

I'm a bit confused by this.
What wording do you plan on using?
"Ceremony at 6, dinner right after" for one set invitations, then "Ceremony at 6, dance at 8" for the second one?
What happens if somebody from the second group decides to show up half an hour earlier, during dinner, to avoid traffic? They'll just watch everyone else eat while they wait outside?
Other than being rude, I can also see this being a nightmare to figure out.

If you can only afford to feed 130 then you invite 130. Your grandmother is spot on and it would almost seem like you are trying to intentionally be rude. Separate invitations, cash bar - just no.

What you are proposing is incredibly rude.

"Come witness our ceremony, then go away and buy your own dinner. You are welcome to come back later when your presence won't cost us any money."

I know there are cultures where they do have huge weddings, but even then they don't treat people as rudely as this. They invite the number of people they can host.

I'll add my voice to the chorus that this is absolutely rude and offensive to your guests.

Way to go Grammy! Simply invite only those you can afford to feed and provide beverages (don't have a cash bar)

Some people will be offended I’d be annoyed if I was invited to a wedding like this because what am I supposed to do for the gap? You’ll be needing the time after the ceremony for pictures/travel time to reception/ cocktail hour and then the whole time you’re eating dinner these people are left figuring out what to do.

A better solution is to change the ceremony time to a non meal time so that the reception can be a cake and punch reception. Then if your insist you can gather the people closest to you to go out to dinner where you will host them but I wouldn’t do it the same day if it was me... if I were going to do something I’d do cake and punch and then the next morning host a brunch for immediate family, very very close friends and out of town guests. This way you still have a thank you to everyone and a more intimate meal with the people closest to you (I’m not saying 130 people though to be clear).

Yep same as everyone else. I’m confused on what the guests are supposed to do in between the ceremony and the dance? You’re essentially telling them they’re not good enough to get dinner. That’s how I’d interpret it if I was a guest.

I'd be so annoyed and offended. You are clearly saying that some guests are more important than others. It's hardly an honor to have to entertain and feed yourself after a ceremony, only to come back for a cash bar. This will likely be interpreted as a major gift-grab too. Inviting 500 people, but not paying for food or drinks for most of them? At some point, if you "host" a huge number of people as cheaply as possible, it starts looking like you're looking to profit off gifts.

Agree with the other Ladies ur about to annoy 370 people. If I got ur invite not only would I not attend but my reaction would be "who do they think they are!" Where did u get this idea from? Do people actually do this?

View Quoted Comment Oh geez I didn’t even notice the part about the cash bar! So they get no food and no free beer. If I were a guest I’d either hit the ceremony and skip the rest or likely skip the whole thing. And I really would feel like you only invited me to get a gift.

WOW! I can't even begin to believe this was an actual idea. Rude and tacky! I 1000% agree with your grandmother. If I'm good enough to go to the ceremony then I'm good enough to go to the reception where dinner and drinks are served. If I'm not good enough for the reception then I'm not good enough to go to the ceremony or send any type of gift or card. Think about how you would feel if you received the invite. Would you like it? Would you be offended?

At our reception we are having a cash bar, but we are providing soda, water, milk, coffee, and lemonade. I put on the invite that it was a cash bar. Where I am from if we pay for the alcohol and someone leaves drunk, gets in an accident, etc. we can be held responsible. I am not going through all of that. Cash bar it is.

View Quoted Comment Where are you from Tana? Social host laws vary from state to state, but if you have a licensed bartender serving, then the liability is on them, not on you. You can also get a liability event policy for pretty cheap. I would look into the licensed bartender and your social host laws before you commit the faux pas of a cash bar - it’s so rude.
OP, obviously this is very rude.

View Quoted Comment A cash bar doesn’t change that you’re providing it. Also, if you’re in Iowa like your profile says, the social host law only applies if you’re supplying to minors.