Ceremony with a Step Child

I've been having similar struggles with planning the ceremony. My FH is a widower and his daughter is almost 9. I've been in her life since she was six. I have read many suggestions about including a partner's child(ren) including making vows to the child, giving the child a piece of jewelry when rings are exchanged, having a family unity ceremony, being in the BP, and more. My future daughter is our flower girl, but I would like to include her in another way. My FH suggested giving her a ring during the ceremony, but I feel that part of the ceremony should be just for us. I am giving her a locket that goes back to my great-great-grandfather, but I want to do that privately between the 3 of us. It's a very special piece of jewelry. I've gone back and forth on saying "vows" to her and haven't settled one way or the other. But I think I don't want to.

What I think I want to do is the family unity ceremony. I think that is a good way to show that we are coming together as a family, not just a couple. I'm not fond of the sand, but I'm thinking about either the glass beads or a unity painting. I like the painting idea, just worried about wind and my ivory dress 😂

There are many suggestions out there and only the three of you can make the final decision. Maybe ask her how she feels. Some kids wouldn't want to have that much attention directed at them on an already over-stimulating day. Depending on her personality, it might be better to do something private. My future daughter is a complete ham looking for attention. . .until it's on her. Then she gets shy and embarrassed. If we were having a large ceremony, I'd be worried about her getting uncomfortable with the attention. But we're doing parents and siblings only, so she'll be fine.

Just keep her personality in mind and make sure she's comfortable with the level of attention that will be on her. Good luck figuring it out. I know how difficult it is. Whatever you do will be beautiful.

Our two kiddos are going to be the ring bearers. Our daughter will hold my FHs ring then our son will hold my ring... Our daughter will hand his ring to me and our son will hand my ring to my FH. Originally I was going to have them walk in right before I do with a sign that says "daddy, here comes our girl" but, the priest insisted that them being ring bearers was meaningful and def. a part of the wedding. So they are pretty excited to get the responsibility of holding our rings because that is one of the biggest steps in the ceremony.

My son is going to be a part of our renewal ceremony, but he will be an usher. He's 13 now, going to be 14 at the time of the ceremony. My son is a "stepson" to Dave, but he considers him a part of the family, seeing as how he has been in our life since the youngest was 1 1/2 years old. Even tried getting him to change his name but it is eventually up to him.

Hi there Katie!

I think it’s a really sweet that you and your FS are looking for ways to include her in the wedding day!

Some other ideas I had were including an “I do” for her from the officiant, a sand ceremony between the 3 of you, or have her stand with you both as you do your own vows so she will be front and center for all the action

I would also advise you to speak with your officiant about ways to incorporate a special moment between the two of you. He/she may have some ideas from previous weddings!

Have you considered asking her to be a bridesmaid, junior bridesmaid or a flower girl?