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Stephanie & Chris
Expert July 2017

Ceremony filler help!

Stephanie & Chris, on December 22, 2016 at 1:55 AM Posted in Planning 0 22

My FH is extremely private and has a major fear of public attention so he is not excited about any of my proposed ceremony plans other than to have a handfasting ceremony. We aren't having a BP and so I am desperately searching for ways to make the ceremony last longer! So far all we have planned is the 6 corded handfasting listed on this website:http://www.nonreligiousweddings.com/handfasting.html FH doesn't like bling, pageantry, or anything that screams "LOOK AT ME!" Because we are such simple, laid back people we want the content of our ceremony to reflect our simple nature and the beauty of the 7 years we will have spent together before getting married. I'm sorry if this is vague haha!

22 Comments

Latest activity by Celia Milton, on December 23, 2016 at 9:47 AM
  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·
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    If your FH is against being the center of attention why are you trying to make your ceremony longer?

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  • AnnieL
    VIP June 2017
    AnnieL ·
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    You could make the ceremony match your simple and laid back personalities by making it simple and laid back... I've seen 5 minute (literally) ceremonies before.

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  • Stephanie & Chris
    Expert July 2017
    Stephanie & Chris ·
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    Because it will literally be 10 minutes long at most, which seems kind of silly.

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  • AnnieL
    VIP June 2017
    AnnieL ·
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    Not silly if that's what you and FH are comfortable with, though.

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  • LuckyAK
    VIP March 2018
    LuckyAK ·
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    I suggest a few special readings by closest friends or family

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  • LuckyAK
    VIP March 2018
    LuckyAK ·
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    You could also have your parents light a unity candle to symbolize your families coming together

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  • JessieJackson
    Expert April 2018
    JessieJackson ·
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    I don't think you need any more than that.. the officiant can talk about you guys and marriage for awhile, then you can do this cord ceremony, say your vows, and be done with it. Have you talked with the officiant about it to see how they usually do their ceremonies? Short ceremonies are better IMO, I don't like sitting through a long production as a guest, I'd rather get to the party.

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  • Ali
    Master June 2017
    Ali ·
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    Mine is maybe going to be 15 minutes from the cueing of the processional music to the curing of the recessional music. We are not having a bridal party either. A close friend of mine is doing the reading and our officiant is doing their thing, vows and onto the reception

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  • Nicole2017
    Master August 2017
    Nicole2017 ·
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    10 minutes long is definitely not silly! Mine will be 15 minutes tops. As a guest I've always appreciated the short and sweet ceremonies, so that's what I decided to do for my own guests. Honestly, you start to lose people's attention after 15-20 minutes anyway (at least that's when I start to lose focus lol)

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  • A.L.S.
    VIP September 2017
    A.L.S. ·
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    I think ours will be 5-10 mins FH is so introverted and has asked that it be short and sweet .

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  • MTMA9917
    VIP September 2017
    MTMA9917 ·
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    Why are you trying to make it longer if your FH is uncomfortable with it. You know it's his wedding too, right?

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  • KDoubleU
    VIP October 2017
    KDoubleU ·
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    #TeamShortCeremony right here. Maximum 10 minutes, not religious but with our own anecdotes about the past 6 years we have spent together.

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  • MrsLaurenRenee
    Expert April 2017
    MrsLaurenRenee ·
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    Short ceremonies are a godsend! Keep it short if you can. You don't need filler material.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    Talk to your officiant. There are things that probably have to say, legally.

    I agree that 5-10 minutes is too short for a ceremony; it trivializes it. Most people also have a distorted view of time; the prime complaint my venues have about non pros is that their ceremonies are too short and it throws off the rhythm of the day. (Well, there are plenty of other complaints too, but that's the biggie...)

    Almost all our ceremonies are 18-20 minutes including the statement of intent, support by the parents, rings, vows, ritual elements, memorial moments and the pronouncement.

    You could do two things. You can make your ceremony private, with just your parents and siblings, or you could sit down in the front row for much of the ceremony.

    Yes, it is his ceremony, but it's also your ceremony and it should meet your parents' fond expectations for that part of the day.

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  • StarFromIHJ
    Master August 2016
    StarFromIHJ ·
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    Talk to your officiant.

    I can give some advice, not as an officiant like Celia, but as a teacher. You may think something will only take 5-10 minutes and try to keep adding more things for time. However, you may already be in the sweet spot of time of 18-20 minutes. Read aloud and practice what may be sent to you. However, a professional officiant should know how long your ceremony will be.

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  • A.L.S.
    VIP September 2017
    A.L.S. ·
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    I should say we're having a ceremony and cake and punch reception then a dinner so it's not a traditional wedding . I'll have to ask our officiant how long our ceremony will be but I really don't want a long ceremony by any means .

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  • MrsSki
    Master April 2017
    MrsSki ·
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    Totally agree that too short of a ceremony trivializes the momentous commitment you're making to one another. In addition to your handfasting (which is awesome!), your officiant may need to (legally) say things and you'll have to say your vows to one another in some fashion.

    Could you add a reading or two? The focus wouldn't be on you two; most people watch whomever is speaking. We're actually sitting down in the front row for our readings and sermon, so you can do that and further be away from everyone's gaze.

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  • Futuremrsc
    VIP July 2019
    Futuremrsc ·
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    When my brother got married it was so short you "didn't even have time to cry" as my mother puts it. I remember them walking down, doing their vows and then it was over. As that's not something I personally would do, its exactly what they wanted. I would talk to your FH and come to a compromise, say you understand he wants it shorter but you want it maybe 5 extra minutes?

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  • Mrs. Knolle
    Master July 2016
    Mrs. Knolle ·
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    Our ceremony was 14 minutes long. It doesn't have to be really long if you don't want it to be.

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  • Stephanie & Chris
    Expert July 2017
    Stephanie & Chris ·
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    @OG Matt Wow, it's quite rude and assumptious of you to jump to that conclusion immediately. My FH wholeheartedly agrees we need a longer ceremony because we are not doing anything aside from the handfasting, which consists of 6 vows and a small speech from our officiant. I was using the context of his personality and shyness as a basis for appropriate suggestions for filler, not complaining about them. And FYI we considered ourselves married long ago, so yes this marriage HAS started out well. The last 7 years have been an amazing privelage!

    I really appreciate all of these ideas! I think we might be able to flesh out at least a 15 min ceremony now! Lol

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