My fiancé and I got engaged this past December. We have been together for over 8 years and have lived together for over 2. I am a confirmed Catholic, though I only go to Mass irregularly. My fiancé is baptized as protestant, but was not raised religious and does not prescribe to any faith. We have been together a long time and addressed our religious differences many years ago. We are happy and respect each other, but now that we are getting married, I'm worried that the ceremony will be an obstacle to overcome rather than the celebration of our love that I want it to be.
First of all, my family very much thinks the only way for us to be properly married is in a church. However, I don't want a ceremony that feels like it is only for my family, not for me or my fiancé. I want to be married in the eyes of the Church and complete the sacrament of marriage, but I want a ceremony that reflects us as a couple, not the traditional Catholic ceremony and vows that will mean next to nothing to my fiancé.
The way he sees it, if we are standing in a church and he is saying vows to God with all of the readings and homily and whatnot, it will not feel like any of that is meant for him, and he will feel like an outsider at his own marriage ceremony. The way I see it, his beliefs are valid, and the fact that he has no religion doesn't mean that he should be expected to go along with mine on the most important day in our relationship. I want our day to be about us and for our vows to be ours, not what the Catholic church tells me they have to be. I don't go to church every week, in large part, because I don't always think that I should have to conform to so many of traditions that are pushed on me to still be Catholic in my heart. However, it is still very important to me that our marriage is recognized by my faith.
I want to have a ceremony that blends my faith with his beliefs. Ideally for me, this would be outside of a church, but by a priest and paired down a lot (so there might be modern music instead of hymns and not the full set of readings?). I've emailed my diocese looking for someone to talk to about this, but I'm really terrified that they will reply saying I either have to do the full Catholic deal in a Church, which will feel like a completely phony event to my fiancé, or we will have to get married civilly or by a protestant minister, which I think might actually kill my dad. Does anyone have experience with a non-traditional Catholic wedding ceremony or having a ceremony outside of a church that is still recognized by the Church?
