Catholic/Military Wedding Problems

I'm confused. Could you just pick a different date close to that one? At your church I mean.

I don't this to seem judgmental, and maybe I'm just not well informed on how things work because I am not a church go-er but I wouldn't feel all that close to a parish that doesn't consider you as highly as you it. I'd be kinda upset and turned off by their behavior. I understand rules are rules but obviously someone else was able to book it before a year's time and whoever handles this wasn't considerate enough to keep you in mind despite your commitment.

I would look for a different church. I don't see why your family would have to change to a different parish? It wasn't a wrong doing on your behalf or even a choice- they pretty much chose for you. Changing your date will no only put undo stress on your (vendors may not be available) but it'll be more expensive if your vendors have a date change fee (which many do.)

Again, I am not well versed on how church weddings work- this the opinion of someone looking at it from the outside. Hope it helps.

Wait, if you HAD to have this church, WHY, for the love of God, would you go ahead and book other vendors without knowing you had the church reserved?! You know, the place that makes the whole marriage legal?

That said, I've never ever heard of not being able to attend a wedding if you're not part of the congregation. Am I missing something there?

Also, what is USMA? DF is former Marines, but that's USMC, so I'm confused. Seriously.

Sorry to hear about your troubles with this! Sounds like the church secretary or someone messed up. Is it possible to have it at a different time that day? 2 pm is a common time for weddings at churches, but I've also seen 11 am wedding then brunch, or 7 pm after the normal Saturday night Mass is done.

And if you were talking to a secretary, call a deacon or someone you know with the church and explain what happened - not to tattle on that person, but just to say you were misled and to work with them to fix the issue.

I'm Catholic (though not practicing so forgive me if this isn't correct) but can't you get married in any Catholic church as long as youre confirmed in the faith? They may each have some prerequisites but I've never heard of having to change parishes in order to get married at a particular church. I think if it's that important to you, then it's worth looking at other churches.

Also, I know you said getting married outside isn't an option, but I'm sure you could find an officiant who could do a beautiful religious ceremony onsite at your reception location. Naturally it wouldn't be the full mass, but if it comes down to it you have an option to find an officiant within the faith and keep your date. Not physically in the church...but sort of still in the church!

Good luck! I hope everything works out!

Mna my husband is former Marines too! Air Force reserves now. USMA is West Point I believe (US Military Academy).

K&D17 - No, only because I have everything else already set and to change dates even a little I run this risk of either not having a vendor being available or being charged to change the date.

Nessa - I'll try to explain this to the best of my abilities with the Catholic Church. Yes, I am very upset with the parish, and in particular with the woman who schedules weddings and already knew my date before and so yes it has turned me much away from this church to make me consider a different one. As for why my family would have to change parishes: first as you said, it wasn't considerate to begin with of them to know of my wedding date yet book another, and second most churches want/require you to be an active member of their parish in order to take part in sacraments in said parish community.

I mostly just needed some reassurance that I wasn't being crazy - my fiance is in the field training and haven't been able to talk to him in weeks - and that this all was a big deal. So thank you!

MsKellie, when she says "outside the church" She means not by a priest or deacon and thus not recognized as a sacrament, which is important to practicing Catholics. Catholic weddings are generally not permitted to be in places other than the physical church. You might find a "priest" willing to do this but they're probably not an actual Catholic priest in good standing.

Yes, USMA is West Point.

and mna - I had talked everything out with my priest at the time and he had said that although it is not policy for them to truly book a wedding a year in advance he was making an acceptation because of the limited time I have with my fiance.. unfortunately he was recently transferred and with that his authority.

I'm sorry to hear about your home parish. I know how special it would be to be married at the church you've grown up attending. Since a different date isn't a option, it seems like you'll probably have to look at a different parish. Although, the suggestion about seeing if they'll schedule it at a different time than the wedding already booked is worth a shot.

I don't think you'll have to register at a new parish though. Maybe the LA Archdiocese is different from wherever you are, but my church just has a slightly higher fee for non-parishioners. We're paying $300 for the church and the fee for non-parishioners is like $400 or $450. I'd call around to other local Catholic churches and find out what their policy is

ETA: you're not at all crazy

You're not crazy, Jolene. They should want to make it work with you, too. Like someone else said maybe have the wedding at a different time. If you'd still really like to have it there, ask them what two dates they have available closest to that date and then speak to your vendors. If all of them are available for one of the two dates (and their change date fees aren't outrageous)- make the change. If not, then it honestly just wasn't meant to be. I do believe everything happens for a reason.

Also, like I said, I'm not a church go-er but my family is catholic and I am pretty sure you can get married in any (or most) catholic churches so long as you confirm your baptism, communion and confirmation. Even then, there are ways around it. My best friend and her fiance only had their baptism, and had not been to church since and they are still getting married at a Catholic church. They are just requiring that she finish her communion and attend couple's counseling. Ask around other churches, I'm sure there is a way to make it work without your family having to change parish.

Find out what all your options are and then decide. I am really sorry you're going through this though. It is very frustrating to have something so big not go your way after you've been counting on it. But do remember that the most important thing about that day is the marriage itself and when and where is secondary. Best of luck!

You can absolutely receive communion and sacraments in churches you're not a member of - your family doesn't have to switch. I've visited family in other states and as long as I didn't need to go to confession I would take communion.

The reason I have been saying I would have to change parishes is because the Archdiocese I belong to requires any couple that is to be married in a church to be participating parishioners 6 or more months in advance and go through marriage counselling.

It's mostly just upsetting because this is the church that I have made each of my sacraments in, the only one that I don't/wouldn't have would be Holy Orders because I'm getting married so obviously that is not my vocation.

Thank you all for reassuring me!

I am Catholic and normally you can get married in any church but you have to provide letters from every parish you lived in to say you were never married. I can't remember the name of the letters as we didn't have a church wedding and wasn't necessary. You say your archdiocese has a six month thing where you have to be a parishioner. Could you not go to another church talk to the priest there, tell him the situation, book your date and start going to mass there every week instead? Your whole family doesn't have to move.also is your FH from the same parish as you. If not you should be able to get married in his parish church.