Catholic Wedding "Fee"

Holy guacamole, that's a lot of money! Could you just explain that this price is way above your budget as a young couple, and that you will offer as much as you can afford...?

I would have whoever is closest/most active with the church recontact them for a price (fiance, her parents, whoever it may be).

Was the $1,500 only for the church or did it include other costs?

That being said, I got married in the Catholic church and my prices as a PARISHIONER were as follows, however, I know they would have worked with me if I was unable to afford such costs:

$1,000 church fee

$200 church coordinator

$250 premarital retreat

$125 premarital counseling

$200 organist/pianist

$175 violinist

$200 cantor

$125 soloist

$150 tip to monsignor

$40 altar servers

$30 unity candle

Ours is 1000 for non parishioners on saturdays

100 church coordinator

100 priest

200 organist

25 servers

135 engagement encounter classes

85 God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage class

130 natural family planning course

I could understand if the the church was a cathedral or a large church but it is tiny! And my fiancé is a parishioner.

I second K's advice. If your fiance has been a parishioner for a long time, she or her family should talk to the pastor directly. $1500 is a bit much for a small town church. I know some of the big cathedrals in cities charge about that much, but most neighborhood churches seem to be $1000. I had a hard time finding a church to get married in because my now husband and I have moved a ton. That is a different story though - my point is that we contacted about 28 churches and $1000 seems to be the norm. Most refuse to marry non-parishioners, but if they do marry non-parishioners, they charge more since non-parishioners are obviously not involved with the church. But these fees always includes the fees for the music coordinator, church rental, coordinator, etc. I would check and see what is included, but also talk to the pastor directly as they are usually willing to work with people - especially those involved with the church.

Hm... well I know that the Lutheran cathedral (yes, I know, but it's actually somehow a cathedral) in Detroit that we're looking at is less than that--$750 for everything. Does your small-town church do a lot of weddings? If so, maybe they feel that they can justify that price--a monopolistic sort of thing. On the flip side, maybe they don't do many weddings at all, and so they either don't know that this is an unreasonable price, OR they simply cannot afford, logistically-speaking, to do it for less. Have you tried bartering?

This is what we would be getting for our $750, if we do go with that particular church/cathedral/whatever they want to call it:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3582/3489199448_a8c3a7a7c6.jpg

PS: Most of my family is very Catholic, and I'm a particularly conservative Lutheran, so I do understand the debate in calling it a cathedral, but when I asked about it--and I regrettably don't remember what they said--the reasoning actually seemed legitimate and accurate.

We are Catholic. We are having a Nuptial Mass. We were instructed to just make a donation....maybe a hundred dollars. .

I told the church that we simply couldn't afford the amount that they were requiring us to pay. I even had the father of my fiance and her grandmother (both parishioners for over ten years) talk to the church and they even thought the price was outrageous for such a small church. The answer from the church was "that's the price" and would not accept us giving as much as we could afford...

I was also told that if we do not have our wedding in the church conducted by an ordained priest that we would not be able to baptize any children we have.

Their inflexibility is a red flag to me. And there are ways around having your children baptized (not sure exactly what they are, but my brother and sister-in-law were married in the courthouse, and all three of their children were allowed to be baptized). So, how important *really* is it for you to be married at *this* church? I am getting the impression that they are deliberately trying to make you and your fiancees marriage difficult, and why would you want to get married by these people?

Is your finance a member? Or just her family?

I know for non-member's it can be a cost, and if she hadn't been attending regularly they may not consider her a member even though her family still attends.

I'm a member in mine and we have it for "free" but needs to make a donation, but for non-members to use our church its $750

I agree with Barbara. They are being absolutely ridiculous, and giving you plenty of reasons already to go elsewhere. Save yourself the hassle and find a new church BEFORE they give you both headache and heartache.

My fiance is a member and was confirmed at this church. The church is in our hometown which is where our reception is and both our families live in the immediate area (lots of elderly family members that don't travel well). The church said our children would not be able to be baptized in the Catholic church if we do not have a "valid" Catholic wedding (see my previous post).

Holy moly!!!! Ours was $300 for the church and IF we wanted we could have a singer for $100, $125 for organist. Again that's if we wanted we could've had a friend do the songs and music for free if we wanted. I suggest calling and saying can they work something out with you.

The $1,500 covers a keyboardist, cantor, use of the church and the Fathers "time".

I guess my point is that they are not being 100% honest with you, and if that's the case, I think you should find another church that would be more flexible. It doesn't sound like you are willing to do that, based on your family's ability to travel/convenience. Are *you* Catholic? If so, I would try to find out if you joining the church as well would bring the fee down at all. Otherwise, it sounds like you are stuck.

I understand she was confirmed there but if she hasn't been a practicing Catholic then the church might not consider either one of you members. Regardless if her family still attends faithfully. And by the sounds of it you are not a member of this church.

Is there a church within a few miles from you that you can contact? Example I am from a tiny town but there are 3 churches in different towns within 30 mins from each other, my reception and church are 35 mins from each other. I would suggest calling and finding out if you can use their church to be married in.

I know how important it must be to get married there but it's sounds like it's more important to be married in a Catholic Church then anything else.

I was always under the assumption it was a donation for the church, they can't accept a fee? Is it because you aren't doing a mass? I would talk to them about that, that is freaking insane! For much less than that we got our ceremony site (not church), officiant, music, decor and the whole shebang. There has to be another option they can work with...

Our church, my family's parish, is costing us nothing. Someone will tip the priest and others who help, but the priest made a point of telling us their is no fee for the church itself.

It might be a hassle, but if you decide not to get married in that church technically you can have the marriage blessed at a later date by the Catholic church (possibly not this one), which validate it in the eyes of the church - then you can have children baptized in the Catholic church.

However, I would actually contact your bishop. The Catholic church cannot deny a member a marriage for financial reasons (they can deny it for other reasons).

"In a situation of true financial difficulty, couples can come to an agreement with their pastors so that true financial hardship will never prevent a Catholic marriage from taking place." (a direct quote from the US conference of Catholic bishops, http://old.usccb.org/laity/marriage/marriagefaqs.shtml)

However, I would be consciencious of what you are spending on other aspects of the wedding. If you are spending a lot on the reception or other aspects, it may be hard to convince them that it is a financial issue.

I agree- those fees are ridiculous and they cannot force you to pay it. I would also contact the archdiosis and talk to someone there, but remember that her family has been members for years and you don't want them to be pariahs at their parish because you "went over the priest's head". It needs to be done, but tread lightly. As for not being able to baptize your children, that's a straight up lie. My brother married a Catholic girl at the JOP, and all four of their children (including her stepson whose mother is NOT Catholic) were baptized in the Catholic Church. Something is wrong with this situation...