Catholic vs. non-religious wedding

Tell them no, and have the wedding you want.

If you are both atheists, a Catholic priest wouldn't marry you anyway.

Hi Emma, there's no way to force an outcome in a situation like this. They will likely be hurt at your decision if it's due to a difference in genuinely-held beliefs. All you can control is how you behave about the situation.

Honestly it's not going to go well with his family but it's your day and you should do what will make you happy!

Please don't get married in the Catholic Church if you are both Atheists. The Catholic marriage rite is a Sacrament. It is holy to Catholics and it would be disrespectful to a lot of people if you just did it and didn't believe in it. If his parents are actually Catholic, they would respect that. Are they both aware of your religious beliefs?

Okay, Catholic ceremony aren't just church weddings, they are LONG AND PAINFUL CHURCH CEREMONIES. I grew up Catholic, so I've sat through many a mass in my life, but the Catholic wedding is just so freaking long and like a regular mass but worse because it's holding you hostage from food and wine.

I have to second what Nicole said, please do not get married in the Catholic Church if you do not want to. It is not necessary. In terms of keeping the peace, if there's some of the same ideas from a Catholic ceremony you could incorporate (a unit candle maybe) that might help? Just change any wording to fit you and your fiancé. Honestly, it's your wedding, do it for you as a couple. Your family should understand that. Even if they don't love the idea, I'm sure they love you and will come to terms with it in their own time.

CatsBoninCats, while I appreciate your right to not enjoy Catholic weddings, keep in mind for some people that the length is not an issue and the service is very sacred to them. Please try to be respectful of that.

I grew up Catholic; FH did not. He is atheist and I don't know what I believe. We did not want the ceremony in the church and ended up having this battle with my parents for over a year and it ultimately put the wedding back a year. It was so important to me to have my parents support my marriage to my fiance, and when they found out we did not want to have a Catholic ceremony, they freaked out and became unsupportive of our relationship (they LOVED him before all of this). FH and I went back and forth for almost a year on what to do. 1) Do we sacrifice how we want to have our ceremony and have a Catholic ceremony just to appease my parents? or 2) Do we tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine and threaten our relationship with my parents forever? It was so hard and probably the most stressful time of my life. Ultimately we decided that we wanted to have the ceremony that we wanted--personal to us and not full of traditions that we don't care about. My parents eventually came to terms with it and they are so excited for the wedding now. Though they still ask from time to time if we are positive we don't want in the church. All in all, I'm glad we decided to have the ceremony for us and not for my parents.

Good luck! I feel for you!

Cats, my Catholic ceremony was 40 minutes long. I don't think that's exactly overkill...

Emma, this is an incredibly personal decision you and your FH need to make together. As for keeping the peace, your FH should be the one to deal with his family on this. They might fight you but it's not up to them. Good luck!

Looks like a touched a nerve. Like I said, I grew up Catholic and have attended many Catholic masses and weddings. All Catholic weddings that I have been to have been 1.5 hours long.

That's too long of a very religious ceremony for many folks who do not actively practice your religion to have to witness...and if you are not practicing yourself, you shouldn't be forced to marry in such a mass.

My FH was brought up Catholic (doesn't ever go to Church) and I was brought up Jewish (barley go to temple). My brother got married in a church with a Priest and a Rabbi (SIL is Catholic). I made it very clear from the beginning to FH and his family that I was super uncomfortable at my brother wedding and would never get married in a church.

My FHs grandmother is religious and has made comments through the years about how nice church weddings are. I really wanted JOP, but FH wanted a Priest partly because of his grandmother. He also wants to start our ceremony off with "So a Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar" since we are getting married in a brewery/bar/restaurant.

I'm with everyone else. Have the wedding you want and break it to the family gently. Honestly the only reason we are doing interfaith is because of FH requesting it for the reasons above. Do what makes FH and you comfortable.

You say no and stick to it. A non-religious ceremony can be perfectly lovely. I am an atheist as well, so is husband, but his family is a bit religious (don't go to church but believe). They survived. I honestly cannot imagine anything more horrible than being forced into a Catholic wedding I didn't want.

Some things are negotiable or can be compromised on, but your vows? Nope. Just "thank you for your opinion" and ignore.

Have the wedding you want: don't get married in a Catholic church if you don't believe it.

You can include scripture in the ceremony if it will make your families happy-er but the wedding ceremony is about you.

FH is Catholic and I am atheist, not baptized. We're getting married in the Catholic Church because I respect his faith and it meant a lot to him. We go to church regularly together and although I don't believe in the same things he does, I like our time in church together and respect his beliefs.

We are able to get married in the church because he is Catholic and we agreed to raise our children Catholic. It sounds like the church would not agree to marry you if you are both atheist. His family should understand that it is not possible and would be disrespectful to the church. A compromise would be for one of his family members to do a religious reading during your non-religious wedding? And possibly a blessing/prayer/moment of silence before dinner?

ETA: grammar

I'm not sure what kind of Catholic Churches you all go to but at every Catholic Church I've been to if you aren't catholic you can't get married at the church. I am Roman Catholic and my fiancé is not, so we can't get married at the church or even have a catholic priest officiate. Maybe try to use that as an excuse? And then just have the wedding you want lol

At our very first meeting with our priest we filled out a form/questionaire where it asked about our beliefs and how we would raise our children, which was obviously Catholic. If you are Athiest a priest will not marry you because you do not believe in the Church and marriage as a Holy Sacrament. Our wedding will be at most 30 minutes since FH is not Catholic and we are not doing a full mass.

It isn't fair to y'all for them to try to force you into a Catholic mass when that isn't what you believe in. I know it's easier said than done but explain it to them in a situation where they will really listen to you. At the end of the day, this is your day. You need to do what is right for you.

To me it was very important to have a non-religious wedding. I made it very clear to everyone involved that it wouldn't even be mentioned in the ceremony. I am an atheist and that was very important to me. FH was raised in the church but stopped going in college and is more agnostic than anything now. Unfortunately this bothers my FILs a great deal and they try to push church on him every time we are in town. FMIL made a particularly passive aggressive comment the other day about how she was so happy because FSIL had already promised that she would get married in the church since she knew how important that was to her and how happy that would make her. Well, FSIL is single so you'll have plenty of time to plan that! I guess I'm a terrible person in her mind for getting married in a garden *gasp*. But so far as I'm concerned, this isn't about them. They had their wedding and got to plan it how they wanted. This is our wedding and we would be hypocritical to do and say things we don't believe.

If you're Athiests you shouldn't be getting married in the church and his parents definitely should know better than to push for it. It's a total disregard to the Holy Sacrament and very disrespectful to the Church. I would also think it would be totally meaningless to you as well. How could you take your ceremony seriously?

@lolsenn we go to a real live Catholic Church in the Wicker Park neighborhood of Chicago. Some churches will not marry you unless both parties are Catholic and some will. We cannot have a full mass nor communion. It depends on the church and priest, but it is certainly allowed (see link below). I also have been to interfaith weddings where there were two ceremonies- one at a temple and one at a Catholic Church.

More info: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/faqs/ "In addition to meeting the criteria for a valid Catholic marriage (see question #3), the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process."

For the love of fake God do not do anything during your wedding for someone else. -your atheist friend

For the love of all the is pure and Holy do not do anything during your wedding for someone else. -your Christian friend.