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J
Savvy November 2015

Catholic question - chapel veils worn by guests

Jessica, on March 9, 2015 at 7:18 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

So my FH has a friend who will be invited to our wedding. She regularly wears a chapel veil when she goes to Mass. It doesn't go past her chin and just covers her head and a little bit of her face & is black lace. I understand the concept behind it, and I respect the fact that she wants to wear it when she goes to Mass each week. She's the only person I know who wears one so she already looks out of place.

I'm wondering if she'll wear it at our wedding. I know it won't look at all like a wedding veil, so I'm not worried about being upstaged. However, she's generally dramatic & I know she has a really hard time with my FH getting married at all as he's a widower. She really misses his late wife who was one of her best friends. It's just a bit of a mess. Bottom li'm wondering if folks will see her as silently protesting our wedding.

Any thoughts, particularly those of a religious and etiquette nature? Thanks in advance.

8 Comments

Latest activity by annakay511, on March 9, 2015 at 6:27 PM
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    Master October 2013
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    Stop worrying about it. There's nothing you can do about it so it isn't worth your time to think about it. You cant ask her not to wear it. If she wears it, so what? She might look a little silly, but I doubt anyone will see it as protesting your wedding. If they do, she looks rude, not you. Just like with anything else, you cannot tell a guest what to wear/not wear.

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  • Christine
    Super December 2015
    Christine ·
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    I haven't ever heard of someone doing this in a Catholic church, but if this is how she practices her faith, then that is how she'll do it, and there's nothing you can say to her about it. I also feel like it's pretty great that your FH has remained friends with his late wife's friends, and it's okay for her to be having a hard time with his getting married. I don't think anyone will see it as her protesting your wedding, she'll be there supporting you both with her presence, and if anyone says anything, you can truly say "she was in a church, and she always wears that black veil in church", or something.

    Kudos to you and your FH for including people from the life he had with his late wife in this new chapter of his life. I think it's totally understandable for this guest to be having a hard time with your FH getting remarried, without it being that she doesn't like you or doesn't want him to get remarried, just the sting of missing her friend.

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  • MS4
    Super September 2015
    MS4 ·
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    Weddings are emotional events for lots of reasons. They're a celebration of new beginnings, but beginnings mean change and even happy change can be hard. If your FH's friend is working through grief at the same time as trying to celebrate a new beginning, she's going to be having an extra tough time and will probably be leaning on her faith and religious traditions for the extra support she needs. As awkward as you might feel about her veil, I would highly recommend being as gracious as you can about it. She is probably very good about fielding questions about it at this point, and if anyone asks you, you can just say "I believe it's a Catholic chapel veil, she would have better answers about its traditional significance, but it's part of how she practices her faith."

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  • FutureMrsCrane
    Master October 2015
    FutureMrsCrane ·
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    I definitely wouldn't think she was protesting your wedding if I was a guest. If she wants to wear it, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I agree with Christine; kudos to you and FH.

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  • AthenaKay
    Master June 2015
    AthenaKay ·
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    I just wouldn't worry about it.

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  • Monica SC
    Master October 2015
    Monica SC ·
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    I don't get the point of this post at all.

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  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
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    She's wearing a mantilla, probably, which was common practice until Vatican II, and then they became optional. If she's older or more devout, it's not that surprising.

    This is something you'll just have to let go. They're not completely uncommon and telling her to not wear it is a religious no-no.

    If folks wonder about it, then that's their problem.

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  • annakay511
    Master July 2015
    annakay511 ·
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    Don't worry about it at all. People will understand what it is, will not see it as being dramatic or upstaging you!

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