Catholic Engaged Encounter anyone?

Honest question - you agreed to go do something and you don't know what you're doing?

That was like, the first thing I was taught in elementary school. Don't volunteer unless you know what you're volunteering for....

We had ours 2 weeks ago. Our was just a one day thing, I'm Catholic and FH isn't and he didn't feel awkward at all.

We spent our day listening to speakers on different topics and then split up into our smaller groups for discussions. We talked about finances, spirituality, communication.....and natural family planning which is definitely the most awkward part

I hated ours....(Dh is more religious than I am) but ours wasn't what like I've heard others on WW talk about. We spent on Saturday from about 8am-4pm at the church with 6 other couples. There was different lectures about family planning, finances, church give back, bill paying and things like that. After each section and lecture we all split off on our own to write a letter to our SO about the section and then we got back together, read the letters to each other (meaning the couples got together on their own) and then discussed issues pertaining to the section.

It was a waste of time, IMO, for us as we live together (and been on our own) and have already discussed in depth all those issues, but I can see where it can be beneficial to younger brides and couples that may not have talked about these things yet.

Ours was over two days, an evening and all day Saturday since we opted not to do the overnight. It was pretty casual, we had a couple leaders who gave talks and some short videos about whatever the topic was and then we would break off with our significant other and discuss a set of questions in our workbook that related to the topic. We also did some group activities with the table we were at. Honestly, we had a great time. It was super casual and comfortable. My fiancé is not Catholic and he we totally fine with the whole thing, he actually really enjoyed it.

Kind of what Maltese is saying, there were a lot of topics that we had already discussed and a few times we definitely were like "Um if you haven't talked about this yet, you probably should not be engaged/getting married."

Hi! I just did this a few weeks ago. While neither FH or I are particularly religious, we are having a catholic wedding because I just can't picture having it any other way. That being said, we NEVER go to church and in general disagree with many catholic teachings.

Anyway, the format for mine was similar to what Maltese said (and they didn't tell us anything ahead of time either). Each topic had speakers (ours were fantastic, real couples with some tear-jerking stories), then separate and write, then reunite and talk. It was great to hear some of the things FH wrote. I got the reaffirmation about why we're getting married - that is, to solidify our relationship and future MARRIAGE rather than focus on what color tablecloths we need at the WEDDING. It was fantastic. Ours was overnight also, but they kept us busy from 8 AM to 9 PM Saturday and then until 11 AM Sunday.

About half the couples there were inter-faith, and like I said, FH and I are technically catholic but that's about it. You'll be fine!

I've noticed every state, Archdiocese does it differently. Here, we just went to a 2 hourish lecture done by a priest. There was no discussions, only talk about the point of a marriage. To cherish a marriage, to have sex and make babies. LOL and we paid and got a certificate.

What I hated the most about ours is how much the Deacon and his wife who running put so much emphasis on giving a certain percentage of money and time to the church. There were couples that were 21/22 years old there and asking them at that age to give 20% of their annual income to the church bothered me. These "kids" weren't working good jobs and already living paycheck to paycheck as most people do at that age and they're being preached to about giving away their money that they NEED to provide for each other. Good cause or not, the amount of effort that was put into that lecture was not needed.

@Maltese that is exactly why I can't gather myself to attend Mass every Sunday. The amount of emphasis put into donations is totally ridiculous.

@Paulina, I understand the necessity for the donations, but yes. There is too much emphasis. DH and I had to become members to get married there and from the moment we did, we started getting monthly donation envelopes....for every day of the week, maintenance, florals, misc reasons. It was ridiculous.

Yep! That's the Catholic church at its best. At my church, at the end of the year they calculate how much you have given to the church based off those envelopes and tell you how much you should have given! Like, what? It's supposed to be from the heart, not mandatory! It's unfortunate what the church has turned into.

When I got married to ex-H, he was catholic and I was agnostic. When we did the retreat weekend, we were gone for the weekend to some monastery and I felt so uncomfortable the whole time. They did their damdest to make me feel guilty for not accepting Catholicism, for not converting for my husband, and to manipulate me into 'accepting God into my heart'. They even went so far as to try to get my husband to pressure me to convert. He already knew that wasn't going to happen. It was awkward the whole time. So, the goal was to make you think about what you wanted out of your marriage, and work on joint problem solving. So, the goal of the retreat was good.... the way they treated me was bad.

We did ours in November. It was a dreaded weekend before we went but it was a really good and actually fun experience. FH and I have been together for 8 years and we actually learned a lot more about each other this weekend and it helped improve our relationship when we didn't think it needed improvement.

We spent the whole weekend away having to stay at a facility on twin beds with a random person in the room too. It really took us out of our comfort zone but made us experience a weekend we never knew would be fun.

Enjoy it and take it all in!

I'm glad they didn't emphasize tithing that much at mine. It was definitely a long day but I actually enjoyed seeing how our personalities differ and how they come together.

But like the others said, we live together and have been dating for the last 5 year so a lot of it was not really new information.....

From reading these stories, I think it really depends on the diocese/church you are going with. I also want to point out to those who are bagging on the Catholic Church for making people go to a prep weekend like this that most churches make you do some sort of counseling. Most Protestant churches you go to make you do a one on one with the church pastor for several weeks. I would find that terribly uncomfortable since my husband is Protestant and I'm Catholic.

With that said, ever Engaged Encounter is set up the same. You will show up and ther will be a priest ant 2-3 presenting couples. There will be 8 or so sessions that will go like this everytime:

-the presentation couples will talk about a certain topic.

-The girls will be seperated from the boys and you will journal in a book and answer certain questions about the topic (topics range from finances to natural family planning to family holidays).

-Then the couples will get back together, find a quiet place and read/discuss your journal entries to eachother.

My husband, though Protestant, thoroughly enjoyed it and I did too. We didn't feel the need to stretch any truths to a pastor. We didn't have to read any of those silly marriage novels. Although my husband and I had covered almost every topic in the book before the weekend, it was nice to talk about them all at once and get a big picture of what our expectations were. The only time they got a little pressuring was in the topic about natural family planning, but you kind of have to expect that since it's so controversial even in the Church, and then we had mass too. But during mass the priest stopped several times and explained to the Protestants what we were doing and why we were doing it. Go into your weekend with an open mind and open heart. Be honest with your FH and just embrace it for what it is.

Keep an open mind. Hubs and I loved our retreat, but wouldn't have enjoyed it if I didn't tell him "Okay, let's just be open and willing to communicate and enjoy the time". I loved putting the emphasis of wedding planning into the actual marriage instead of wedding. Ours touched on how much we should donate to the church each Sunday, but definitely didn't drill it into us or force us to do anything we didn't want to. Each church is different so don't be scared!

Are you religious at all? Are you sure you want to do this if you're not religious?

Because, the same thing can be achieved with pre-marital counseling, without all the "give us money" sideline.

@m....if she's getting married in a Catholic Church, its a requirement that just pre-marital counseling won't fulfill...the church wants to try to get their claws into young couples and hang onto them.

Gotcha. I thought there was pre-cana or something like that, is this not the same thing? Do they make you go to two retreats?

The anti-tour-group person in me would freak the hell out. Not a big fan of organized outings...

Its kinda the same thing...ours didn't do a pre-cana, just a couples retreat like OPs, it was a Saturday (ALL DAY) and then we were done. No going anywhere over night. The other option was to spread it out into 1-2 hour sessions over a week and a half, which I was NOT about to do.

I have a natural, visceral and strong reaction to forced group activities. I don't even like happy hour with coworkers! I... would be a bad Catholic.