Casual Rehearsal Dinner

If you host an event, you need to pay.

It doesn't have to be anything special, we are just doing a BBQ.

Casual is okay if you have one but it sounds like you may not need it. If it's not a religious ceremony and your WP will literally just be walking down an aisle, I would skip it.

Someone has to pay and its not the guests. You can limit it to beer and wine, but yes people are expecting some sort of booze at the event. Ours is a welcome reception that everyone is invited to as 99% of ours guests are from out of town and will be BBQ, drinks, on our rooftop, its economical.

Since your wedding is a Friday I would just skip it. Your DOC or officiant can do a run through day of or just let people know. Your out of the country guests will probably appreciate the Saturday festivities more than a very casual evening at the bar, so just stick with that. If you feel like you have to do something for them. Make it drinks with the bride and groom at 8:30pm or something on Thursday so they aren't expecting a lot.

Doesn't sound like you need a rehearsal so no rehearsal dinner is needed.

It is definitely okay to have a casual rehearsal dinner. You only need it though if you plan to have a rehearsal. If you do have a rehearsal, then you invite your wedding party and their SO, your immediate families, and the officiant and his/her SO. You don't have to include OOT guests, but it is a nice gesture. We did more of a welcome party where we invited anyone who wanted to join us for dinner could meet us in the hotel lobby and walk over together to the local BBQ place next to the hotel. We paid for everything including alcohol. If you do invite people to the dinner it should be completely hosted without your guests having to pay for anything including alcohol but just having beer and wine is fine.

If you are doing a rehearsal you should have a rehearsal dinner and you should pay. It doesn't need to be anything fancy. We didn't have a rehearsal because it didn't seem necessary to us. We basically said to all of our guests "we are planning on going to dinner the night before the wedding at x time at y restaurant if anyone wants to stop by. And we're going to see Thor Ragnarok at this theater at this time after." But our wedding was intimate (20 people). This informal get together worked well for us, and everyone paid for themselves. Again though it wasn't a formal rehearsal dinner, and we didn't ask anyone to rehearse!

Agree that you don't need a rehearsal dinner if you are not asking people to come rehearse prior to the wedding. As for your out of town guests- my FSIL did something that worked well. She invited anyone who was in town the night before to a local bar and she and her fiance ordered some snacks/ appetizers to have out and then they picked up the drink tab at the end of the night. It was a nice casual way for the guests to have more time with the bride/ groom and have something to do if they were in town early.

If you're having a rehearsal, then you need to fully host a meal afterwards, i.e. pay for everything for everyone.

However, a rehearsal isn't necessary at all. No rehearsal, no dinner.

It sounds like you don't really need the rehearsal, so if you can get away with not having one, a dinner is completely unnecessary as well. Save yourself the stress and money!

If you're not having a rehearsal I wouldn't have a dinner. Especially if you are hosting another party the day after, you don't need a welcome dinner. You don't have to feed everyone 3-4 times. FMIL's comment of "we'll pay if we have to" would strike me as a little passive aggressive. I think I would just tell her they've done more than enough.